A Gift for Yourself

I was going to suggest a few last-minute gifts but since most have to be ordered online, they're probably too late for Christmas. However, New Years comes right after that, and if you have been putting off starting your own "foodstyle", maybe buying yourself one of these will help inspire you to kick your New Year's Resolutions off right!

1. Get a cool lunch box.

I got mine from Laptop Lunches. I actually bought an extra set of inserts too, which is so helpful on the days when I am too lazy to wash everything out in time. Plus I have twice as many colors!

These are great for portion control and variety; with so many sizes and shapes, you can fit just about anything you like to eat in there, and they work great for bringing lunch and snacks. Look at all the ideas for filling them here!

2. Get a cool lunch box, v2.0

The Mr Bento is from Amazon. It's great for soups and liquids, perfect for cold weather lunches. Two of the containers can be used for hot or cold, and the top two are better for snacks and dry goods. So the bottom one is usually yogurt and fruit, the next is soup or leftovers, the next is clementines or a slice of bread with cheese, and the last is almonds or grapes.

$40 may seem like a lot for a lunch box, but I've have both of mine for two years already, and they are both going strong.

3. Replenish your spice cabinet

Spices only last for a year before they lose their flavor, but I have the worst time remembering when I bought them and if it's time for them to be replaced. I restock on flour and sugar at Thanksgiving, and this year I'm going to start replenishing my spices for New Years.

And that means Penzey's, people. Penzey's.

It's a Wisconsin/Illinois company, but you can order online from anywhere. Everything is fresh, and the clean look of the bottles will make you want to cook more, I swear. After several years of trial and error, these are our staples:

Northwoods Seasoning -- adds a layered kick to everything, from chicken to roasted veggies to soup
4/S Seasoned Salt -- for grilled meats especially
Chicago Steak Seasoning -- the only thing we ever put on steak
Italian Herb Seasoning -- that and some basil is all I need for my tomato sauce
Krakow Nights -- we add it to sauteed cabbage and mushrooms, like the good Polacks we are
Greek Seasoning -- my favorite in the summer on chopped cucumbers and feta

I also order the pure spices and herbs like chipotle, cumin, bay leaves, cinnamon, dried minced onion, garlic, celery flakes, rosemary, French thyme, and red pepper flakes for Hubby's pizza. But for starter cooks, the seasonings are all you need; Penzey's know how to blend everything perfectly. You can buy all different sizes too, so if you just want to sample something, get the 1-2 oz. jar. At this point, I buy 4-oz bags to refill my existing jars. Whatever works!

And spices DO work. They are my secret weapon of cooking; I just buy basic meats or veggies, douse them with olive oil, kosher salt, and a seasoning, and cook it up. Everything tastes so good, I never miss the butter, sauces, gravies, etc.

4. Get a cool lunch box, v3.0

Okay, maybe I'm the only who wants that one. Just like the one I had when I was a kid!

Mark Bittman also had a list of gift ideas for the non-cook. I would LOVE to offer shopping lessons to several of my co-workers, either for clothes or for groceries.

As for me, this is shaping up to be a Cooking Christmas. We already got a Farberware percolator, and our coffee has never tasted better. Plus, I get the daily nostalgia trip when I wash out the grinds and the pot! Flashbacks to Acorn Lane... :) I am also hoping to get a new smaller crockpot, a local soup cookbook, new set of colored cutting boards (to separate veggies from meat), and a new spice rack.

What are you hoping for under your tree?

The difference between my mirror and real life

Fall has arrived, people. We're suddenly in 50-60s for temperatures, and the layers have come flying out.


Wednesday was a return of my NYDJ ponte pants. I almost accidentally wore the brown instead of the black, but I noticed my mistake as I was walking out to my car, and hustled back inside to change. I also got busted by my neighbor taking photos outside, so I did one round of shots where I felt really anxious and embarrassed, then I had to resort to inside shots in my kitchen.




I liked the colors in this; the pink LOFT sweater with the draped neck gets very little wear because it's a little too baggy overall on me. Adding the draped sweater from Marshalls with its asymmetrical hem and the strands of bright, warm pearls from Nordstrom focused back up to the sweater's best feature, the draped neck. I also like the contrast of the red cutout Target flats with the pink. (Heh, Economy of Style, looks like we were on the same style page again a couple of days apart!) 




I should have done a close up, but the bracelets were a delicate combination of some pretty silver wired bangles with tiny flowers that Laura gave me, and a multi-colored stone one from Target that I picked up a year ago and promptly forgot about because it was tucked into a closed jewelry box that I never look in. I finally found a good container for my bracelets on my chest of drawers, so now I can see everything better and forgotten pieces are coming into circulation.


Thursday was...Thursday. It was well and truly cold, and I am still struggling to figure out the shoe situation with my dresses; it's not quite cold enough for tights yet, but bare legs are not going to work either. Leggings and flats are kind of it, for the moment.






I don't think the sweater color worked as well in real life as it did in the mirror; the contrast between the dark pieces (Kohls peacock dress and black jersey scarf) under and the lightness of the cream wool was too much. Even going with the light rose-gold metallic Tahari flats from DSW wasn't enough to pull it all together. It's a new sweater from Gap, and long-time readers know how much I love boyfriend style cardigans; I have a short torso and long legs, so it's a style that generally works well for me. I have a few other ideas for this that I think will work better next time.




I need to remember that when I tuck my hair back and go for a smoother look, although it has more movement and looks neater in real life, tends to look flat and lifeless in photos. Hmm.

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The other thing I need to remember is that I am a stress eater. Lunches and dinners have been all takeout and junk; the only saving grace is that my "office" space all week has been a break room table in the IT building where none of my regular snacks are available. So at least I have not been shoveling candy in my piehole too.

We're going away this weekend so I do not anticipate my options getting much better, but I'm going to look for the healthier options when I can, and I'm going to think about how to handle the coming weeks. A major, major deadline is in seven weeks and the pressure at work is only going to get worse before then. I am not going to trash everything I've been working toward, so I need to come up with a plan.

Hope you all have lovely weekends!

Animal, Vegetable, Kristen

Saturday was busy! First up was a lovely yoga session at Millenium Park downtown. Both Jessie and I were dragging ass to get there, but I am so glad we did; our favorite hippy-dippy instructor from last year was back! She's amazing; her routines are all about breathing and reaching to the sky and rooting yourself in the earth like a tree, but about halfway through you realize you are sweating your brains out and pushing your body harder than you would think from her manner and language. "Namaste, you guys! Awesome!" is her catchphrase. I love her.

Then we headed out west to pick up Babyfriend's mother and grandmother to go to the Oak Park farmer's market. Oak Park is great because there are lots of heirloom breeds of everything, plus cinnamon-sugar donuts and roasted corn cooked right at the market. I had one of each. :)

The skies opened up in the middle of our trip.







There was not a baby in that stroller. :)




It was even coming down between the cracks in the tent. Didn't let up for about 15 minutes. I bought some cippolini onions to pass the time. (And melon, and blackberries, and new potatoes, and red wine vinegar with garlic...)

Lunch was at Marion Street Cheese Market, where all the ingredients are purchased locally. It was stunningly good. There was roasted garlic soup with rutabega that I would kill to eat again, and a grilled cheese sandwich with 4 kinds of cheeses and a seeded wheat bread that fulfilled all my expectations.

Later that night, Hubby and I tried to go to the rooftop bar (Tabitha, it's at Old Orchard and called the Rooftop Bar at Wilde & Greene), but it was closed because the rain had been so bad all afternoon. Instead we went to Bonefish Grill, where we had a brilliant idea; since we weren't very hungry (and I had indulged at MSCM for lunch), we each ordered a drink and an appetizer (sashimi for him, wagyu beef and ginger dumplings for me). Hit the spot perfectly.

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Art display from the top of the Art Institute downtown.




Same shot using a fisheye setting.

Sunday was more topsy-turvy; after some yogurt, berries and cereal, I had to go into work to finish a critical project (ugh!). There may have been some peanut M&Ms during work. After that I stopped at McD's for a cheeseburger on the road. We made up for it with dinner, as Hubby grilled all of our favorites: plums, corn, onions, zucchini, and mushroom brats for him, wild-caught salmon burger for me. 

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Two books in rotation currently for me are Mark Bittman's Food Matters and Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. I finished AVM this weekend, and had a long talk with Hubby about it. Both books are about the "slow food" movement, the idea of moving away from convenience foods back to whole, homecooked meals. AVM covers one family's year of eating only locally-grown foods; most of what they ate they grew themselves on their farm, which of course is ridiculous for us. I can't even keep a basil plant alive.

That said, I can find a lot of locally-grown foods; Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan have many small farms around, many of which are part of either the farmer's markets in every town or are in a CSA (community-supported agriculture) association. We got a CSA box for a few years but the amounts were too much for us, and there were too many things we don't like. Farmer's markets (and Whole Foods) are better for our lifestyle because we can control the amount and types of foods we buy. There is also a local chicken store. Chicken! And eggs, and turkey, and all kinds of good stuff. (Hubby hates the smell of the place, but I don't mind. Fresh, free-range, no-hormone chicken, cut up anyway I like. I'm in!)

We've already started incorporating more local foods into our diet this summer, but now it will be more of a concerted effort. Kingsolver talks a lot about reducing one's carbon footprint (your food doesn't use as much oil to travel as far) but for me, the reasons for doing so are more selfish.  Eating locally forces us to eat more seasonally, to select foods that are available NOW and are at their freshest, and most delicious. We already do a lot of this, just from my years on Core:
-salads, peas, asparagus, and strawberries in spring
-zucchini, corn, new potatoes, cherries, berries, melons in summer
-pumpkin, squash, potatoes and Brussels sprouts in fall

Winter is tougher, of course; Kingsolver canned, froze, and pickled their summer bounty to get them through the winter. That's way beyond anything I am prepared to do. But we can continue with many of the fall veggies that are still available through the leaner months, and will probably indulge in my beloved citrus then (navel oranges!!!).

The slow food movement also pushes us to stop our reliance on processed foods. Again, we've already been moving in that direction; fast food has become an infrequent stopgap instead of a daily one. That stop at McD's was the first in weeks! Most days, cut up oranges and berries have replaced the candy bar on my desk. I am hoping in the next couple of weeks I can convince my husband to try homemade pizza for dinner; he used to make a great one when we first got married.

I am also ordering Deborah Madison's Local Foods. Her Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone cookbook is amazing, even for a devoted meat-eater like me.

But mostly, it's about continuing to move in the direction we are already going: more vegetables and fruits, less processed foods, balanced and healthy meals.  And getting as much of that as we can from local vendors.

What about you? Do you try to eat locally? Any great tips to share?

Daily Food Tracking: First Month Review

The Daily Food Tracker was supposed to be a one-week experiment, but a month later, it's turned into a habit.

Some changes in my thinking and actions that have come from it:
1. I find myself reviewing it in my head just before each meal, forcing myself to remember if the meal before had any fruits or vegetables, and making sure I get some in if I haven't yet.
2. I look at my daily intake as a whole balance, and I try to make choices about what food group I've had too much of or not enough of already.
3. It's brought to stark relief my pizza and my peanut butter addictions (not that either were a surprise, but to see it written down day after day is another thing entirely).
4. I force myself to 'fess up on the bad days.
5. The turn toward more homecooked meals has begun at last, and I'm starting to enjoy getting creative in the kitchen again. 

Where I want to go next with it:
1. Continue tracking on the blog. I'm glad I named this Low Fat Dressing, and I said from the beginning that this blog would be a mix of fashion, food, dieting, and anything else. For a while there, I stopped talking about dieting as I climbed back up the scale after Medifast, and I'm not really following an official "diet" right now. But I am teaching myself to eat healthier for the long haul. To find a balance between the free-for-alls when I am not dieting and the smart but too strict regimens of Weight Watchers, Medifast, South Beach, etc.
2. To start to lose weight again. Even though it's not an official diet, the goal is to get healthier, in weight and in body. My knees and back are creaking under the weight of me, and I can't let that get worse. Plus, the weight came back so unevenly on my body, and in places it didn't use to be. I am lumpy, not curvy. I want to be curvy again. :) I actually went up a couple of pounds this month -- which isn't that surprising when I look at the trackers and see some the crap and extra food I was still eating -- but over this last week it's started to go down again. That is going to continue.
3. Practice more mindful eating. I need to get back to one of my favorite parts of the old WW Core plan: eating until I am satisfied, not full. I have made great strides in cutting down my portions of the bad stuff -- I eat only 1-2 slices of pizza instead of half the pie now -- but now it's time to eat more mindfully of everything.
4. Keep cooking and prepping foods for the week, but at a reasonable level. The last few times I went on diets I tried to be too ambitious about what I was going to cook each week, and most of my grandiose ideas ended up with the raw products rotting until they went into the trash. This month's plans have been smaller in scope, more in keeping with our work schedules and exhaustion levels; lots of chicken sausages for fast grilling, different salad types to keep me interested, and plenty of frozen pizza for Hubby.
5. Try eating more locally. The influence of Kingsolver's "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" is sinking into my grocery shopping big-time. This is the time of year in the Chicago area to find fresh local foods everywhere, and I am going to take advantage of it.


So. That's the plan! Eventually exercise is going to become a regular part of my life again, but right now it's more important to me to continue to succeed in this area.

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Daily Food Tracker: Thursday
Breakfast: whole wheat waffle with syrup and strawberries
Lunch: Panera Pick 2: half ham-swiss on rye, broccoli cheese soup
Dinner: No snacks all day, and Hubby was out. I didn't want to cook, and after a stressful day I was so tempted to order delivery or cook a whole pizza and eat it. Instead I decided to let myself graze, as a "treat" to myself. I would just eat, a bit at a time, and not cook one big meal at once. I would eat during the evening at home if and when I felt like it. I ended up eating:
-bite-size chocolate almond granola (Hubby gets a box of them a week from Target. He loves them as a snack.)
-measured out bowl of a new Fiber One cereal (it's really good!) and skim milk
-unmeasured larger bowl of the same, about an hour later (probably not a good idea given how much fiber is in it, lol)
-clementine oranges
-slice of bread with BnPB and skim milk

That's the kind of treating myself I can live with.

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To answer some questions from yesterday, hahaha, no I do not iron all my cardigans! But I do wash them in the machine and let them air dry, so sometimes they get a little misshapen or wrinkly, especially the pure cotton ones. When that happens, I will iron it before I wear it. But it's not often, trust me!

As to how many dresses I have I am probably up to 15 in my current size, mostly all summer varieties. But since I can't fit into any of my pants right now, this is all I have to wear every day. Plus, they're all $20-30 at Target/Kohls/Old Navy; I just can't resist picking another one when I find a style I like!

Midweek musings

I think a trip to the Chicago Botanic Garden is in order in the next couple of days. It's been a month since I was there; I want to see how everything is after all the storms and heat we've been having!





Maybe tonight. A nice long walk might do me some good.

(No outfit photos from yesterday, sorry. I am not really liking the striped Target dress on me anymore. The polka-dots is much more flattering.)

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Food. It's a thing.

I didn't plan well from Monday to Tuesday (meetings at other sites, going to L's to babysit, not having my usual breakfast stuff with me, etc), but I got back into better routines when I got home Tuesday night.

Daily Food Tracker: Monday
Breakfast: broccolini and mushroom frittata
Snack: strawberries and blackberries
Lunch:  BBQ pulled pork sandwich, couple of fries, coleslaw
Dinner: Panera Pick 2: caesar salad, broccoli cheese soup, Mike's Hard Lemonade

Daily Food Tracker: Tuesday
Breakfast: Panera everything bagel, light veggie cream cheese
Lunch: Portillos Maxwell Polish sausage, half order of onion rings
Snack: pretzel M&Ms, *fresh* Twizzlers
Dinner: Big green salad with bell peppers, carrots, shredded Parmesan, light honey mustard dressing, and crabmeat, 2 slices of seeduction bread with WW parmesan peppercorn cheese

Daily Food Tracker: Wednesday
Breakfast: broccolini and mushroom frittata
Lunch: Panera Pick 2: tuna salad sandwich and broccoli cheddar soup
Snack: Twizzlers
Dinner: Big green salad with bell peppers, carrots, strawberries and blackberries, blue cheese and parmesan-garlic dressing, 2 slices of frozen BBQ chicken pizza
Snack: popsicle


This frittata thing was an EXCELLENT idea; it's gotten me out of the fast-food breakfast sandwich rut I was in, but the protein from the eggs and cheese keeps me just as full in the mornings as those did. Plus, veggies are good to kick off the day with. The only thing is I put in too many eggs, but six weren't enough to get it fluffy. Next time I will try a combo of egg whites and whole eggs. And my friend Annie made hers with chard, mushroom and blue cheese. Blue cheese!! Annie is a genius.

The next habit to start to work on more homemade lunches. I am currently addicted to Panera's tunafush sandwich (200 calories) and their broccoli cheese soup (190!). It would be supereasy to make that at home -- in fact, I could put some muffaletta in the tuna, and it would probably be more tasty than anything Panera could offer. Yep, that's going on the list for grocery shopping for next week. And how!

All is Ebb and Flow

Duchesse had a thought-provoking blog post last week, about three celebrities who had recently been on Oprah: Jennifer Hudson, Carrie Fisher, and Roseanne Barr. She noted that all three were or had been publicly losing weight while also struggling with many other personal issues.

Duchesse commented, "And I wondered, how much can a woman take on?"

And later, "Three in a row here, and I think Oprah intends a message. Everything comes and goes: troubles, health, men, fame, weight: all is ebb and flow."

Both comments struck home for me, for different reasons. I'm not in a healthy headspace right now, but I know I want to get there soon. And while there is never really a good time to start dieting and that I can make excuses about it like nobody's business, these last five months at work have been brutal. I feel like I am a different person than I was back in October; I'm even more direct and terse, and I don't waste any extra effort on anything non-productive. I don't suffer fools anymore, and I don't have time to hold people's hands if they're going to be fragile butterflies. You come to me with a problem, and I am going to solve it and move on. I used to try to help them understand why they did it, now I just fix it and let them know it's done. I just -- I don't have time.

When I think about myself in terms of Duchesse's first question, my answer, "Nothing more than I already have on my plate." But work is going to be changing soon as we hire the last person on the team, and my plate will empty enough to take on something new. So for now I am not going to chastise myself for not "doing it all". I'm going to hang on and keep going, and when the time is right I'll take on the next thing.

And in the interim, we've already made small changes in our food intake. Hubby and I buy more frozen foods now, or foods that can cook in ten minutes with no effort, or a PBJ for dinner is not uncommon. It's still not 5 veggies a day, but it's not a free-for-all gorgefest at Taco Bell either.


Duchesse's second observation about "ebb and flow" reminded me of my "yo-yo" thoughts from last year. Our weight and our bodies change, our lives change, our circumstances change. I'm not even the same person I was two years ago when I did Medifast; I've lost people and pets very close to me, my body has started its turn toward real middle age, my job and daily responsibilities are completely different, I even have many new friends. Why would I think I could solve the same problem the same way, when I am totally different? Isn't that the definition of insanity?

I changed. I am changing. I will continue to change.

The thing I need to learn is how I adapt everything else to keep up with those changes.

30 in 30 Challenge: Day 23

Sorry for the whiny post yesterday; I am in much better spirits today! I'm not going to lie -- a large part of it is due to you guys. I love checking my inbox throughout the day and seeing all the different comments and perspectives you all bring to LFD. You make me see things I don't on my own, and you definitely make me feel better when I am starting to feel grumpy! I don't say it enough, but THANK YOU all for the time and kindness you spend here. I have the best readers! (Even when they are typo'ing their brains out, heehee, Julia! You cracked me up.)

Two other things delighted me yesterday:

1. That new Medifast brownie was not half-bad! A little gross in the creation of it (needed more than 3 tablespoons of water, for sure) but it ended up tasting rather brownie-like, and best of all, it was warm. It's hard for a warm brownie to be bad, isn't it?

2. I wandered over to the WW site (I still have my monthly membership there), and checked out the new plan. HALLELUJAH!!!! They are finally, finally getting back into the real food concept and away from the 2-point snack-athon. Fruits AND vegetables are now 0 points (most of them; I didn't check them all out yet), and other points values have been re-evaluated so the junk costs more. Plus they raised the points limits for all members. The push is to encourage people to make smarter, healthier food choices instead of just eating 2-point foods because it is all they can "afford".

I have talked about my adoration of the Core plan from a few years ago, and this is a giant step in incorporating the best of that plan into the regular Points plan. Bravo, Weight Watchers! I am definitely motivated now to switch plans in early 2011 from MF to WW; that's the kind of long-term eating plan I've been looking for!

OMG, my Bento is going to be so busy next year. Hurray!!!!

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Oh, and I wore my 23rd outfit of the challenge. Bet you thought I forgot, didn't you?



I don't know how long this sweater is going to last once the challenge is over; it is pilling something terrible! Do those de-pillers actually work? It's a little gross and embarrassingly visible, since it is right under my arms and around my chest. But I am wearing it as much as I can while I can!



It's funny, I started this challenge with 3 white tops but I ended up swapping out all but one. I would have preferred to have gone with a lighter top today, but the black ruffled tank is all that was clean and appropriate. I paired with two versions of checked grey-and-black print: the micro-check of the pants, and the larger one of the scarf.

Thanks to your encouragement and my stubborn need to power through the challenge to the end, I have some ideas for mixing up a few more new combos this week. Let's just hope they work out as well in the mirror as they do in my head. LOL!

Moving Forward

Wow, thank you all so much for the thoughtful replies to yesterday's post! Everyone gave me a lot to think about. It's funny, I almost edited it to include this postscript:

P.S. Not to worry, while I am asking for your feedback, the truth is I am going to do whatever the hell it is I want to do. :) But I want to know your thoughts anyway!

Because it's true: while I was and am interested in your perspectives, I know very well this is my blog to use as I see fit. For a while yesterday, I worried that if I changed my stance not just on diet-blogging but on Medifast itself (which long-time readers will remember I have had a rocky relationship with), that it would somehow negate my previous opinions. Then I realized people and circumstances change all the time, and so do opinions. What was good for me six months or a year ago isn't the same as what is good for me now. I have the extra pounds to prove it!

So my plan is to gear up on MF again, mainly to get the first 30 or so pounds gone. My husband will be doing a version of it with me; he doesn't need to do the daytime foods as he still eats similar small meals (soups and granola bars) at work, but he is just as eager for the Lean & Green dinners as I am. As he put it oh-so-bluntly, he doesn't have as much to lose as I do. (NICE.) But true; he lost 75+ pounds on MF when we did it in 2009, and he has maybe gained 20 of it back. Having him doing it with me will make life much easier at dinnertime; we are each other's worst enablers when it comes to pizza-ordering time!

I want to record for posterity why I am doing this, and why I chose the fast route for at least the first part:

1. I don't want to buy new winter coats.

All my coats from last year are larges, since I was in the middle weight range in the winter. I don't mind buying pants and tops, but coats are expensive and I hate all the 1X sized ones I have tried on. If I can shave off some belly fat over the next couple of months maybe I can avoid having to buy new ones.'

2. My 25th high-school reunion is in May 2011.

I definitely do not want to look like this then, so I better start now. I see a lot of my old friends on FB, and I am looking forward for the face-to-face reunions. But with a smaller dupa!

3. I really miss my dresses and my shoes.



I have 3 storage closets full of all the clothes from last year in a huge variety of sizes. I would like to Shop My Closets again! As much as I like wearing pants right now, the skinny ones especially, I miss my dresses so much.

Even worse is my shoe dilemma: All my shoes work with my dresses, not my pants! It kills me every morning when I am picking my shoes.


(Last year's collection. A few are gone now, and a few have been added.)

MISS. THEM. SO. MUCH.

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So there you have it. Sure, no more chowing down on antacids would be great, and feeling healthier and fit is important, yadda yadda yadda, and I am sure I will be getting a lecture from my doctor at my annual next week. But the things that are prompting me to do this NOW are all about my vanity. It's likely as I start to have success the healthier benefits of this will gain in importance, but right now they're not on my list. My shoes are on my list.

I mean, you guys have seen my shoes: wouldn't you do the same if you were me? ;-D

Reader Feedback Requested

I have an early morning meeting today so I am going to keep this short and throw out some questions to you guys. For various reasons I won't detail right now, I am probably going to start dieting again -- it's time -- and I am very strongly considering doing Medifast again.

I have had strong opinions about blogging about my weight loss in the past, but time has softened that stance; I am just so used to blogging my thoughts on issues like this, and about my life in general, I'm not sure I want to stay quiet about it as I go through the journey again. Conversely, I am also not sure I want to lose weight in a public space again, either. I'm used to doing it that way, but it's not easy.

I am not sure about anything quite yet. :)

So...I toss the questions out to you:
1. Do you want to read about my dieting exploits?
2. Would you rather I stuck to the clothes?
3. What do you think the role of a reader is when a blogger talks about weight-loss: cheerleader, adviser, someone looking for inspiration from the blogger, something else entirely different? All of the above?
4. Is that role different when the blog is strictly about clothes?
5. As long as I am asking, are there any topics you wish I would cover?

Thanks for the input! (Now I am late for work. Eep!)

The "Don't Eat Like a Polack" Diet

Had a lovely visit with my parents yesterday, and sent them on their way West after breakfast this morning. My mom and I got to talking a bit about dieting this morning, and I told her I've been thinking about all the different kinds of diets out there and how I wasn't sure what I wanted to do next about my weight and general health. She mentioned Jenny Craig and WW, and I explained why I would never do MF again, but then I talked a little bit about all the other types of non-commercial diets, like all the variations on eating low-carb or low-fat or low-protein, and how I don't really want to do any of those. I just want to eat healthier foods. She shared that her doctor had said that if she just ate 5 vegetable servings a day, she would lose weight. We both knew what he meant: if she would supplant some of the other starches and meats she put on her plate with vegetables, she would eat fewer calories, healthier foods, it would help her cholesterol, and yes she would lose weight.

In other words, we need to stop eating like Polacks.

My husband and I both come from Polish families, and the traditions not just at holidays but all the time run very deep. A typical Easter dinner at my mother-in-law's consists of: two types of kielbasa (sausage), a ham, cheesy mashed potatoes, 3 kinds of pierogis (potato, cheese and sometimes sauerkraut), dinner rolls, and if she remembers, either iceburg lettuce and French dressing in a side bowl, or a microwaved bag of frozen mixed vegetables. For those of you counting at home, that is 3 meats, 3 starches, and one lone nutrient-free vegetable.

That was typical for my childhood; vegetables were always on the table, but they were often boiled to death. A favorite dinner of ours was spaghetti and meatballs, and the best part of the meal (besides the pounds of angel hair pasta) was the buttery garlic bread my mother would make in the oven. It was the only time she ever used the broiler, to my knowledge. (I am still not sure how to use mine.) We rarely had any room in our bellies to finish the iceburg and French dressing salads on the side, and we rarely got in trouble for not finishing them.

The other takeaway memory of cooking from my childhood was that my mother hated cooking. She worked a fulltime job and often had a whole second volunteering for one organization or another, and would come home frazzled and tired and would throw a bunch of pots on the stove at once. I was never taught that cooking could be interesting or fun; it was always a dreaded chore. Or she cooked for parties, but again that was for everyone else and just one of many tasks needed to be completed to get ready for the guests.

But something funny happened along the way, and it took me until this morning to realize it. My mother changed. She's been talking about the different foods she and my dad cook for a while, but I haven't been listening. I've been too stuck in my ideas of the past, not seeing that just like I have re-invented myself, so has my mother.



She brought these as a gift this weekend. It isn't the first time she's given me homemade jams, but it's the first time I've really seen them for what they are. My mother, the woman who never met a carrot stick she couldn't boil to mush or drown in spinach dip on a crudite platter, makes her own jams and relishes. I confess, I am a little afraid to taste them because she still isn't the greatest cook LOL, but I am going to give them a try. Because they are proof that we are not bound to our genetics forever, and we are all capable of change.

Taking that idea further, that's the way I want to eat better now; I want to learn how to throw off the years of tradition, biology, and family bonding, and stop eating like a Polack. I am taking all the best ideas from Weight Watchers and the Core plan, the excellent tips from Mark Bittman's Food Matters, from the Abs Diet book I got from Helen this spring, and even from Medifast, and making up some rules of eating/dieting I am going to follow:

1. I can only have more than one protein (meat, cheese, fish, eggs, peanut butter, etc) on my plate once per day. The other meals I must limit it to one protein.
2. No more than one starch on my plate per meal. (Does not include starchy vegetables. Starches for this current definition are: whole grains, potatoes, breads, rices.)
3. Vegetables are not an afterthought. For at least one meal a day and preferably two, they should be more than half my plate.
4. The phrases "swimming in butter" or "cooked in bacon fat or lard" cannot describe how my foods are prepared.
5. Eat at least 5 servings of vegetables/fruits a day.

That's it. For right now, I'm not going to worry about counting calories or points, or restricting alcohol, sweets or anything else. I am just going to change the focus of what proportions and types of foods I eat. I have to get that down and into a habit first, then I will work on the rest.

That's my Don't Eat Like a Polack diet. I have to admit, I am looking forward to it!

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Putting this into action, however, is going to be a challenge. I have plans after work with friends every night this week until Thursday, so I am focusing right now while I am excited and enthusiastic on my breakfasts and lunches.



Here's my haul from the farmer's market today. A grocery store trip is also on the books for this afternoon, then I've prepped my iPod for a couple of hours of fun in the kitchen. I put together some recipes from Bittman's book that I want to try, so for the week we will be eating:

-ground bison meatloaf (a meat-and-grain loaf recipe from Bittman) tonight, perfect for sandwiches for a few days
-chopped cabbage salad (Bittman)
-homemade applesauce (can't eat raw apples but I love applesauce!)
-sliced carrots and red pepper strips
-almonds, yogurt and fruit for snacks
-peanut-butter toast and canteloupe or watermelon for breakfast
-something with that corn; maybe a carrot and corn veggie pancake (also from Bittman's book)

If the recipes turn out well, I will post them with pictures. :)

Wednesday: This is not performance art.

Whoa. That dress is REALLY EFFING SHORT.

Oh, I wish I had looked at these photos before I went to work. I mean, I knew it was a little short, but I did not realize exactly how short it was. :::goggles:::

Anyway, it's not a kickass Kohls dress; this one is from Target. I think I should have sized up on it, but even so, it's awesome. I had two in the same style last summer from Target; they were solids with colorblocks at the waist detail, and I like it much better as a print dress. Oh, how I have evolved in a year! :)



I paired it with my purple AT boyfriend silky cardigan, which has absolutely been worth all 2999 pennies I spent on it a year ago. First, this was the first bf cardigan I bought and it got me to realize this was a style that worked for me bigtime, and second, the color kicked off a whole addition of tons of purple print dresses and outfits to my closet. Sheer Spanx and my grey Franco Sarto heeled oxfords finished off the outfit, as they have for several days running. I don't often wear the same shoes every day, but now that we are in this weird inbetween weather, where it's still cold and frosty in the morning and by afternoon it's in the 50-60s, my shoe choices are limited. The chunkier oxfords and suede shoes are too heavy (as you can see in the first picture when I as experimenting with my black Naturalizer chunky shoes, blerg), but it's not time for the sandals and strappy heels yet either. Alas!


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I've been mulling over some thoughts about my weight loss efforts for the last few days, and it's not been a fun mull. Two things keep circling back to the forefront:

1. I am really tired of dieting at the moment.
2. I am equally tired of doing it all in public.

I started on Medifast on January 1, 2009, and I have been dieting ever since. That's almost 16 months, and every minute of it has been on public display. I joined the MF forum boards in January, and I posted entries on a blog there every day as well as joined the community on the forum. We had weight-loss challenges and support and lots of discussions about food and mental adjustments and self-image and everything. Then I switched to WW, and I happily attended the meetings for months. I also started LFD and gave myself several weight-loss challenge commitments. I didn't lose during this period, but I was just as focused on the concept as I was back on the MF site.

Don't get me wrong, I know I did all that of my own free will, and I don't regret it. I loved my Green Gals over on MF, and I get so much out of going to WW meetings and reading and writing posts about these issues online.

But it no longer brings me any pleasure, and in many ways it feels like an obstacle that is impeding me from actually getting where I want to go. I know my long-term goal for 2010 is to get back into my 10s, but for the last few weeks I've been growing to accept where I am right now. That post I did on perspective, with the photos of me as a kid, keeps resonating with me; am I pushing myself to be this ideal weight because I still think I'm that fat kid? I wasn't fat then, and maybe I'm not now. Maybe where I am is perfectly acceptable. Maybe I need to let myself off the hook and stop dieting. Maybe I can just be.

(I keep wanting to add more that sentence, to put in a disclaimer that this is only temporary, that I will continue to lose weight eventually and get to goal, etc etc. But maybe I won't, and that's something I will decide once I actually try to "just be". I don't know, I haven't been in that headspace before; I've been in the "lose weight or be a failure" mode since January 2009. So I'm not putting any disclaimer; whatever happens, happens.)

And a big part of letting myself "just be" is not talking about it anymore. I have to stop treating my eating habits and weight as a piece of performance art. I need to concentrate on eating right FOR ME, and for me alone. To make mistakes and do things right, all in the privacy of my own head. I've gotten to the point now if I have a very bad meal I feel like I need to confess it online, and that's not good. That's not teaching me anything, and it's not stopping me from doing it again. I need to sort this stuff out on my own again.

So the "low fat" part of Low Fat Dressing is going to go quiet. I will still be posting about outfits and self-esteem and links and my 5Ks and other topics, but my diet is my own business, and I need to not share (or some would say, overshare LOL) that with the whole world.

I do appreciate all the kind thoughts, wise advise, encouragement, and sheer inspiration all of you have given me over this time, and I will definitely continue to read and be motivated in reading your blogs and your thoughts. The online blogging and weight-loss worlds are full of some amazing people, and I wouldn't gotten where I have without you. Thank you so much!

Medifast: My opinions and review

I don't know that this would be interesting to many people, so I thought I would post it on the weekend so you could skim past if you wanted. Last year as I was enormously successful on Medifast I got a lot of questions about what the plan was like, how I felt on it, etc. Since I've embarked on it again -- and am already seeing and feeling the results -- I thought I would put together a post on Medifast so it was in one handy, linkable place.

1. What is Medifast?
Medifast is a low-carb, packaged-food diet that was created by physicians over 25 years ago. In the past it was a liquid-only (shakes) diet, but now it has expanded to many varieties of Medifast meals plus one "Lean & Green" meal per day. You order the food from the website, print out the lists of Lean, Green, Condiments, and Meatless Options, and read the FAQ. That's really all you need to get going.

2. How does it work?
The idea behind Medifast is that you eat a low enough number of carbs and calories that your body enters a fat-burning state called "ketosis". From the Medifast FAQ on the site: "This causes the body's fat stores to release free fatty acids, which are then converted by the liver into an energy source called ketones. This mild dietary fat-burning state helps the body achieve faster weight loss while helping preserve muscle tissue. The fat-burning state also helps naturally reduce appetite and hunger while still allowing you to feel sufficient levels of energy. "

It sounds like hocus-pocus witch doctor/sci-fi, but it's true. It generally takes 3-5 days for your body to reach this state as it has to consume the fat currently residing in your liver first, and during those 3-5 days you will feel hungry almost all of the time. The first time I had a minor headache and some listlessness before I hit ketosis, but this time I was just flat-out hungry. Yesterday in particular was brutal (mentally, not physically), but today I can tell I am finally in ketosis. I have tons of energy and I'm not thinking about food 24/7. I am good to go!

3. What do you eat?
The plan is called the 5+1, so you eat 5 Medifast "meals" and one regular "Lean & Green" meal per day. You are also allowed to have one extra snack if you need it.

Medifast (MF) meals are pre-packaged, often dehydrated items, including soups, shakes, hot drinks, cold drinks, crunch bars, soy crisps, pudding, oatmeal, scrambled eggs, chili, etc. You can have any combination of 5 meals per day, and you have one every couple of hours. It is a matter of trial and error finding the ones that appeal to you, but a general rule is: if you like the real version of it, try the MF one. I don't like milkshakes or pudding so I've never had the MF version. After six months on the plan, I learned the ones I liked the best and that's what I order now. They started offering crunch bars in 2009, in about 10 different flavors, and that's mostly what I eat because there is no preparation needed and I can stick them in my purse for being on the go. The other ones I like are the hot drinks (hot cocoa, cappuccino, chai latte) which need boiling water and a certain preparation so the are not lumpy, and the soups, which I put into a thermos in the morning, add boiling water, shake and take to work, and at noon I have a thick, still-warm tasty soup. A lot of newbies make the mistake of adding hot water to the dehydrated packets and then eat them immediately, which gives you essentially hot water and lumpy, crunchy clumps of powder. Let things soak for a while, and the experience is completely different.

The other meal of the day is the Lean & Green, which is real food. This is 5-7 ounces of certain meats, 0-2 servings of a healthy fat, and 3 servings of certain vegetables, prepared any healthy way you like. The vegetables not allowed are those higher in carbs, like squash, corn, carrots, Brussels sprouts, onions, etc. There are also a list of meatless options for the Lean for vegetarians/vegans, like cheese, tofu, soy burgers, etc.

Plus, you can have up to 3 condiments (from an approved list) and one snack per day, from the following list: 3 celery stalks, 1 fruit-flavored sugar-free Popsicle, 1/2 cup sugar-free gelatin dessert, such as Jello, up to 3 pieces of sugar-free gum or mints, 2 dill pickle spears, or a package of MF crackers. I have a Popsicle every night for my after-dinner snack, Hubby alternates between Popsicles or pickles.

Of course, you also need to drink tons of water. And you will want to; ketosis gives you terrible, terrible breath, and you will often feel very thirsty. Have water handy all the time.

4. How much do you lose?
MF says you generally lose between 2-5 pounds per week. In the first week or two, like with most diets, you may lose a lot more: Hubby is down 10+ pounds this week, and I am already down 8 (my official weigh-in is Mondays). We will level off after this week, no question. But the 2-5 pounds is often very accurate; I kept stats last year, and that bore out.

Caveat: in observing people's losses on the MF forum, I did notice that the weekly losses were proportionate to one's actual weight. Meaning, people who were 200-300 pounds (and there are many on MF) had much greater losses than people who only had 20-40 pounds to goal. I am actually curious to see how fast/slow it goes for me with only 25 pounds to lose compared to how it went when I had 60 to go. Because of that, and because of the intensity of the plan and the changes it creates in your body, it is not a diet I would recommend if you only have 10-20 pounds to lose. I'm not even sure if it was the right choice for me with a 25-pound goal. That's one of the things I will be paying attention to this time.

5. What is it like?
It is simple to follow, but it can be very hard emotionally, physically, and mentally. It's not a plan you can do halfway; if you don't get to ketosis, you don't lose consistent weight. I liken it to quitting smoking (which I did after a pack-a-day 20-year habit): if you still have a cigarette once a day or once in a while, you never let your body go through nicotine withdrawal, and you will always experience cravings and you will continue the addiction. With MF, if you stop and start and never let your body get to ketosis, you will always be hungry and tempted to cheat. Then you will cheat, and you will again not reach ketosis, and you will be stuck in the same hellish limbo the whole time. Not pleasant.

I had to keep that in mind yesterday; I felt like I was "starving" all day, and thinking about the burgers at Meatheads obsessively. Every two hours, when I ate my MF meal I would make a deal with myself: I would eat my bar and see if I could get through the next two hours, and if I did, I would eat another bar and reset the mental clock. I didn't have to get through the whole day, or the whole program until I lost all the weight, I only needed to get through the next 120 minutes. Even after our super-delicious Lean & Green meal for dinner (ground pork, shredded cabbage and mushrooms, sauteed in a skillet with tons of Polish spices), I was still making mental deals with myself. But I stuck with it, and this morning I woke up and realized I wasn't hungry at all. Ketosis has been reached.

That said, once you are in ketosis and you've got a daily rhythm going, it can become pretty mindless. The best thing about MF is that you can forget about food for a while; the really tempting foods are verboten, so you can concentrate instead on how your body is changing as the weight comes off, and how to deal with developing and accepting a whole new mental and physical image of yourself. For a lot of MF members, myself included, this may be the first time you have ever seen yourself this thin; how are you going to deal with that? How do you deal with other people's reactions? Who are you if you're not the fattest one in the room anymore? You need time to learn to accept those kinds of things, and this break from being consumed with food can often give you that space and time.

You can even start to tackle the emotional issues you have that tie into food. Why are holiday goodies so important? Why do you overeat? Why are certain foods triggers? When food is out of arm's reach you can think more clearly about your relationship with it, and what you want it to be like when you are eating it again. Many people on MF swear by the Beck Diet Book, which I did not read. I am going to have to work harder on this part, obviously (see: the constant gains I experienced post-MF). I definitely did the first part, learning to accept myself thin, but the second part needs work this time. :)

6. How much does it cost?
Approximately $300/month. MF meals are sold in boxes of 7 meals/box, and you need 5 boxes per week; boxes are about $16 each. The FAQ says it comes to $11/day. That does not include the L&G meal you would buy in the grocery store, but you also have to remember you are no longer buying any other foods for yourself and you will likely be eating out or on-the-go much less. Hubby and I used to eat out 3-4 times a week, and we often bought lunches out and had a fully-stocked fridge. When we did MF (at $600/month for our food combined), our food bills stayed the same and even went down some months.

There are also tons of ways to get it cheaper. I use Ebates, which is a shopping site that I use for all my online shopping. You sign up for Ebates and start off any shopping experience from their site, then look up the site you want to buy from, and go to it from the link on Ebates, then order what you want through the actual website. Ebates simply tracks what you purchase and sends you a check quarterly for a percentage of what you spent. I just got a $50 check from them this week. For doing nothing but using their site as a portal. (If you are interested, post your email and I will send you a friends link. I get an extra $5 on my check for referrals.) Retailmenot also often has coupons for discounts on the MF food too. Or you can sign up for the VIP ordering (which is free) on MF itself, and you get two weeks of free food, free shipping, and 5% off all future orders. We had VIP the last time, and it was nice.

There is also a related website to MF that has "MF coaches" to help you through the program and you can order the food cheaper from them, but I avoided all of that because it felt hinky to me. My sister did it that way and she loved it, though.

7. How do I connect with other MF dieters?
On the main MF site there is a link to My Medifast, which allows you to set up your own tracking page and links you to MF forums and blogs of other MF members. It is largely self-run by the members. There are groups that band together and have weight-loss challenges, others who just want to encourage each other, forums for plan questions and tips, places for people to set up their own blogs, etc. I spent a lot of time on My Medifast last year, but I am less interested this time. Like all online communities, the conversations go in cycles and members weave in and out; I feel like it's given me everything it can and now it's up to me to get this done. Also, the group of women I befriended on the challenges have all moved over to Facebook, and we keep in touch there. I don't need the support system on My Medifast like I did before. But it is a great place when you are getting started, and as you succeed on your journey. I wouldn't have done as well without it.

8. What is your eating schedule like?
Like I said earlier, I already know what my favorite MF foods are so I tend to stick with the same things. I did a lot of experimenting to get here, though, and I might order some non-regular ones once in a while to shake things up as the months go on. But generally this is a typical day for me (time ranges indicate I eat sometime between them):

4:30: wake up, have 2 cups of coffee with one packet of Sweet-n-Low and an ice cube
7-8am: cinnamon-roll bar or hot drink
9-10am: hot drink or bar
12n: soup
2pm: bar
4pm: bar
6pm: L&G meal
8pm: popsicle
9-10pm: zzzzzzzz

I do switch it up and have my L&G for lunch if my co-workers want to go out to eat. I enjoy that, and it's super-easy to find acceptable meals at many of the places we go (Panera's salads are excellent options). On the weekends I tend to eat mostly bars because I am out running errands and I just keep a sandwich baggie with the 5 of them in my purse.

9. Should I do it?
I do not recommend Medifast as a diet, in general. It requires extreme discipline, is expensive, and like I said, I think it only works when you have a significant amount of weight to lose. For someone needed only 5-10 pounds, or even up to 20-30, I think there are better options, like Weight Watchers or South Beach, etc.

That said, if you are obese and you need rigid structure and can afford it, it might be for you. Read the FAQ thoroughly, check out the forum, and decide for yourself. It's got to be your choice or it won't work. I couldn't possibly decide for you. There are days I'm not even sure if it's right for me! :)

10. Does it really work?
See for yourself! :)


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Whew. This got long. Thanks for sticking with the whole thing! If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask; I'm not afraid to be honest about my experiences with MF or with weight loss overall.

2010 Resolutions

Happy New Year! I hope you have a wonderful upcoming year of love, prosperity, happiness, feeling skinny and looking good! :)

As I said a couple of days ago, I really like New Years Resolutions, and I usually do pretty good sticking to them. I don't make them every year, just when I want and am ready to change. I am ready to change again this year, so here are my resolutions.



1. To become a 5K runner. I already talked about it at length the other day, but I will be running 5Ks whenever I can. I'll be Googling this weekend to find some cool future events to run at; for sure I want to do a St. Patrick's one. Chicago knows how to celebrate that holiday!



2. To get back into my 10s. To me, this means losing the rest of this weight, then embarking on learning how to maintain my weight. I was thinking the other day about how AA gives 90-day chips and other milestone markers for people who stop drinking, and how people who lose weight could use a similar celebration tool. We cheer and mark milestones as we lose weight, but once that part is done you're on your own. I am considering doing a 30-day AT GOAL award of some kind, then 60-day, 90-day, etc. And I would like to have earned a couple of those at least by the time 2011 rolls around.


This is me in my 10s. And my glowing summer tan, and everyone's favorite purple sweater. :)

I'd also like to do more of these type of posts. Good food is fun to eat!

3. Go paperless. I am not a saver or a pack rat; I frequently go through old boxes, old clothes, even my computer files and throw out what is no longer needed. I winnow down books, movies, Christmas ornaments, you name it, nothing is safe from me when I am in organization mode. That said, I am TERRIBLE about keeping up with paperwork, projects and printed photos. My side of our shared office has piles of paper I need to sort through, and there are 4 boxes of photos I have yet to unpack from our move here six years ago. And I am the Family Project Manager in our house; all financial decisions, home improvement projects, family planning events and vacations, all gets done by me. I've got a LOT of paper, and much of it is important.

I did make a big dent last year in it; I had a huge filing cabinet with old bank statements, tax returns, etc that I sorted through and cleaned out, narrowing it down to one drawer in my desk instead of the whole cabinet. But I didn't finish: there is still a huge pile of paper that needs to be shredded, I've let more paper pile up on top since then, and I didn't even attempt to tackle the photos. This year, that will get done. My husband would be delighted to have the office back, I am sure!


4. A New Self-Improvement Project, this time for my brain not my body. I'm thinking about going back to school this year, perhaps for process engineering or some other degree I can use at work. I don't really want an MBA, but I'm not sure what to get. That's part of the project: investigating options and dreaming about what I want next. It's time to do something else, and I'm giving myself the push to try to learn what that is.

It's funny how self-improvement seems to go in cycles for me, and one type of improvement usually spawns another. Five years ago, I quit a 20-year smoking habit. As a way to clean out my lungs and give my mind and hands something to do, I started riding my bike around my local lake after work. For the first time, I noticed all these beautiful wildflowers along the shoreline, and I wanted to identify them. So I brought my then little-used camera along, and when I got home I would download the photos and look them up online and in books and find their names. From there I started taking more photos, traveling around the state to various state parks, and learning more about the nature of the Midwest plains and about photography. I'm a pretty good hobby photographer now; my photos have been used in various Chicago websites, I have a blog for it which I've let lapse a bit, and I always make a family calendar of photos I've taken through the year.

I also turned that bike-riding into a triathlon that I competed in the next year (and then never again, LOL), and I've stayed quit as a smoker since then too. The last couple of years, my self-improvement project has been body-related: I've learned about fashion and dressing myself (I was HORRIBLE before, just ask Shopping Friend!), and last year started the weight-loss kickoff. I've had a great time with this, but it may be time for something new. Hence the idea about going back to school.

I'll be honest, of all the resolutions this one might not turn into anything. And that'll be okay, because when I am ready to do it, I will.

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So those are my plans and promises to myself for this year. Now I am going to give myself a nice New Year's treat and spend the day on the recliner catching up with ATWT and all your blogs. My tabs and my Tivo runneth over! There have already been some great Resolution posts; things I have pondered as I put together my resolution list.

Cranky Fitness talks about resolutions as Gifts. I like that lot. She also challenges us all to one particular resolution: get a bra fitting. Truth be told, I am due for one of those myself! The weight came back to my boobs, too. ;-D

What a Splurge looked at the habits she formed over the last year. I LOVE this one, and I might do another post today with mine, and my 10 favorites outfits/new items of 2009.

Unclutterer (one of my favorite organizational, motivational blogs of all time!) invites us to brainstorm and stretch ourselves with our resolutions, then puts together a staggered three-month plan for the year to achieve her goals.

Pasta Queen has a great list, including a secret resolution. How mysterious!

Zen Habits offers the Definitive Guide to Sticking to your New Year's Resolution.

Happy Reading!

Reality Check

From January to June of this year, I lost 63 pounds.

From June to November, I put 18 back on.

I keep pretending that it's only been 10 or so, not acknowledging that I keep creeping up, week after week, even during my 16-week commitment challenge. I kid myself that "now" I have stabilized, that this week I am starting to go down, but then every week I pack on another pound.

But it's been more than that, and these are all the ways that it is impacting me:

-2/3 of my current closet are clothes I cannot currently wear; all my skirts, all my pants, and even now a good number of my dresses are too tight.
-I put myself on a clothing budget last month, and it's been easy to follow because I don't fit into 10s anymore and I refuse to buy anything bigger.
-I'm afraid to invest in a long wool winter coat right now because I currently need a bigger size than I want to be wearing all season.
-My bras look TERRIBLE on me. Ditto my underwear. I have to select outfits based on what kind of supportive undergarments I can fit under them to smooth things out.
-I look in the mirror and I see all the old familiar lumps and rolls coming back, one by one. I don't see slender me anymore. I miss her, A LOT.
-I've gotten soft everywhere; all the muscles and tone I acquired while I was swimming this summer or doing daily yoga on the Wii last spring or doing the Couch-to-5K program this summer and fall...it's all gone. I'm flabby and weak and yes, fat.

I'm not saying these things because I am looking for positive reinforcement or because I have low self-esteem and I secretly hate myself. I have a very healthy self-image -- probably too healthy, at times -- but I need to make myself face reality now. I need to acknowledge and recognize that I am destroying all the hard work I did earlier this year. Medifast was HARD, and it was a sacrifice to do it. We drank shakes and ate bars at the hospital when my father-in-law was dying, all through his funeral. I ate that stupid cup of soup every single day for lunch for 6 months. I paid $300 a month for the privilege of eating the worst food I ever ate in my life.

And now I am undoing all that hard work, every day and every meal. And for what? For bad-tasting Halloween candy? For giant toffee cookies I think I have "earned"? Because I am too lazy to get off my dupa, get off the computer, and go for a run?

Here would be the point in my inner monologue where I would vow to straighten up my act, to really commit to eating better and make all kinds of promises to myself and to everyone. But it doesn't work like that; I've tried that, and I've failed. I've promised to do better, and then as soon as I walk away from the computer my resolve crumbles.

I think I need to just keep making small steps, one meal and one hour at a time. I've slowly been incorporating exercise back into my daily routine again, not planning out what day I was going to run, to swim, to do yoga; instead I just wake up and make sure I carve out time between 6 and 7 am to turn on the Wii and MOVE. Maybe tomorrow I will put on my running shoes, maybe I won't. I decide in that moment, but no matter what I make myself MOVE.

I've also been trying to steer my food choices to the best ones, automatically. For instance:
-we don't order pizza when we are 'too lazy to cook'; now we go to Whole Foods and make giant salads with soup.
-I cut out granola bars as my snacks and have fruit, yogurt or string cheese instead.
-one of my meals must always be vegetable-based. If I have a sandwich at lunch then I must have spaghetti squash or a salad for dinner; if I have salad at lunch I can have meat and starch for dinner.

It's not perfect, but it's much better than it was even a month ago. The next step I want to do is get rid of the sweets, the cookie at lunch or the dessert with dinner. I know from past experience with Core once you cut out the sugar for a few days you stop craving it, and that's where I need to get.

(Of course, I want to do this just after Hubby and I finally discovered the pure awesomeness of key lime pie, but I am on a hunt to find the brand of yogurt that makes the most delicious version of it. I always poo-poo'ed flavored yogurt as a poor substitute for real, delicious yogurt and thought that it did nothing to extinguish cravings for the real food flavor it had in it, but that was before I started trying new flavors. I am a convert!)

I just need to keep doing what I have started to do, all the time. Eat better, exercise more, keep attending meetings. Stay aware of the mental tricks my mind plays on me, stop thinking about food as a treat I have earned.

And most of all, I have to remember I can't wear the clothes in my closet, for the sole reason that I am eating too much and exercising too little. Is losing the wardrobe I worked so hard to rebuild really worth less than a damn toffee cookie to me?

No, it isn't.

6am. Time to turn on the Wii!

16-Week Commitment Challenge: Week 1 complete

So I completed Week 1 of my 16-week challenge. How did I do?

1. Attend WW meetings every week without skipping any.
Done, and it was great! This week's topic was about mental plateaus, and I realize I have essentially been on one since I switched plans. Got some good tips for getting myself in gear again.

2. Exercise 4 days a week minimum.
Hrm. Only got in 3 days this week; I fell apart mid-week because I had errands to run after work too many nights. Since I have work meetings in other locations all week and I won't be on the same getting-home schedule as usual, I am going to work on getting in my exercise in the morning. I certainly get up earlier enough for it; now I just need to pull myself away from the internet to do it.

3. Count my points in my Tracker.
I did this for a day or two, and erratically even then. I will get there soon.

4. Cut back on the alcohol to 1-2 drinks a week.
Went out for dinner with cocktails a few too many times this week. I want to eat in more this week, so that issue should be eliminated.

That said, I went down -.4 from my previous week's WW weigh-in (which I am going to start using as my official weigh-ins, not the ones on my home scale), which pleases me. I have been careening up and down the scale 3-4 pounds per week, and it's been too much. A small amount up or down is much more reasonable and realistic.

A related accomplishment occurred yesterday: for my sister's birthday, a bunch of our pals from MF agreed to each run 5K yesterday in honor of her. I was on Week 6/Day 3 of the C25K, so I was supposed to run 25 minutes non-stop. I did, and I am pretty sure I ran the whole 5K distance! I tried to track according to the markings on the path (the town 5K is held there), plus I ran an extra amount while getting to the running path around the lake. I may have shorted the distance a little bit in the end, but I ran for 27 minutes non-stop, and it felt great! I am looking forward now to a) start increasing my endurance and distance, and b) measure the distance I can run more accurately on the indoor track. Whooo, I am a runner! Who knew?

In addition, Hubby and I have been noticing that I am developing muscle definition on my shoulders and upper arms. I will have my Michelle Obama arms yet! (I used to call them Linda Hamilton Terminator arms, but that's so 90s, LOL!)

This week, my main concentrations will be attending meeting and getting in all my exercise and waters. We also ate out a lot this week, and I'd like to rein that in a bit. Amusingly, we ordered a pizza (medium, with spinach and onions -- hey, it's a start) on Wednesday, and "our" regular driver was the one who delivered it. We hadn't seen him in a while, and he was pretty amazed at how much we'd both lost! Hubby replied, "This is what we've been doing since we stopped ordering pizza from you!" Hee.

The Final Push to Goal: the 16 Week Challenge

For those of you just reading this journal for the first time, I've lost 50-60 pounds since January of this year. I say a range because I've been sliding up and down the scale for a couple of months now, losing at peak 60 pounds. I need to lose a total of 65 to be at goal (I started at 225 at Christmas, which was my highest weight).

Losing these last 10 pounds have been tough. I've tried a lot of different mental adjustments and strategies to keep myself committed and on-track: switching from Medifast to Weight Watchers, starting a fairly steady exercise regimen, taking up C25K running, experimenting with kayaking, joining the town pool for swimming laps, putting myself on a short-lived shopping ban, bringing MF bars with me on vacations, etc. Some of these things have turned into new habits -- the new fun exercises in particular -- but still, the scale has gone up more than it is gone down. At peak last week, I was 12 pounds from goal -- and when I ended Medifast, I was 2. Now, I knew I would gain once I left MF, and I was prepared mentally to deal with that. But I thought it would be instantaneous, a quick big jump up as I re-introduced carbs and real food back into my diet. I wasn't prepared for this roller-coaster up and down and up and up.

And I can't really blame WW or eating real food as the problem here: the problem is my inconsistent commitment. Some days I count points, most days I don't. My days of exercise per week range from 0-7. I haven't even attended WW meetings every week!

I need to put the building blocks back in place, and leave them there; let them settle in and become true habits. It's said in WW that people who attend meetings for 16 weeks have the most success; they are the ones who truly commit to the plan and who lose the weight and usually keep it off. And really, it's creating new habits that gives us our weight-loss success, not what we eat; anyone can starve themselves for a week or two and drop a couple of pounds. A successful loser makes deeper changes to their eating habits. That's what I need to do, again. I managed to create new eating habits on six months of Medifast, and they have still kept me in good stead: I eat small meals through the day, I cut out skim milk and too much sweetener in my coffee in the morning, I never miss breakfast, I don't eat nearly as much starch as I used to, I added exercise as a desired and regular part of my life, etc.

Now I need to create more new habits for this phase. For the next 16 weeks, I hereby commit to:

1. Attend WW meetings every week without skipping any. If I cannot make my Saturday 8am meeting, I will make plans to attend the Thursday night one.

2. Exercise 4 days a week minimum. That 5th day is a mental stumbling block for me; if I can't get it in, I get 'all or nothing' in my thinking and I end up doing NO exercise. Four days per week I can do without any mental games.

3. Count my points in my Tracker. I know from vast experience keeping myself accountable is how I lose weight. Plus, I am anal-retentive and I like using the Tracker. It's so cute and organized! There are ticky boxes! I love ticky boxes!

4. Cut back on the alcohol to 1-2 drinks a week. I like my nightly beer on the porch with Hubby too much; I have to remember I like my size 8 skirts better. *grins*

That's it. I will of course keep going on the good habits I have established, and within the confines of the four commitments above I will continue eating good foods and trying to stay on plan as best I can, but really, the goal here is to build the habits. The weight loss will follow; it won't have a choice.

So in a total Bridget Jones move, here are my current weight stats:

Started at: 225
Today's weight: 167.2
Total loss: 57.8
Weekly loss: -4.4 (Water weight. The losses after this won't be this big again.)

++++++

I want to note this observation while I am talking about all of this, as a reminder for keeping myself motivated if I start to flag: for my body, the difference between 160 and 170 pounds is the difference between looking skinny and looking chubby. As my weight has crept back up around 170, I've been shocked and embarrassed at the way it's changed my shape: my belly is round and flabby and isn't easily held in place with a slim skirt, my extra chin reappeared, my hands look puffy, there's a little extra flab of back fat starting to take shape. I've never really noticed how 10 measly pounds alters me before, but I definitely do not like it. I much, MUCH prefer my body at 160; I feel slender at that weight, and I don't have to waste my time dressing to hide parts of my body. Everything just fits as it should.

I know all of the above sounds incredibly narcissistic and self-obsessed, but honestly it is a revelation to me. I've never noticed these changes in such small increments before; the last time I gained (all the) weight back, I knew I was going up, I immediately hated myself and my body, but I just closed my eyes and ignored it and let it happen. Seeing it, making note of it, coming up with a plan to confront it will, I hope, stop that process in its tracks.

My eyes are wide open this time, and they plan on staying that way.

Off to Tennessee

I may have overpacked. Heh.

But it all fits in the CR-V, and includes a box of food/kitchen supplies, a BOAT, camera equipment, hiking equipment, three fishing poles and two giant tackle boxes, swimming gear, two pillows, and a disgruntled cat in a carrier on the way to the cat hotel.

There is also a suitcase of shoes. It was Hubby's idea!

My food scale and my real scale are tucked in between towels and boxes of Medifast bars. We're not going on a mental vacation, just a physical one. I plan on being tan and trim and relaxed when I return.

Maybe I'll even get my sister to take my daily photos for me. I certainly packed enough clothes to show! :)

See you guys soon!

Newsflash: I am 41, not 14

Here's a hard lesson I have learned this weekend: I am not a teenager. I may be in the best shape of my life, and am actually smaller than when I was a teenager, but I do not have the actual body or metabolism of one.

Here are the injuries that I have inflicted on myself while trying to keep up with my 14-year-old niece this weekend:

1. I burned my finger taking oatmeal out of the microwave (okay, this happened the morning before she arrived, but I still have a nasty blister on my middle finger.)
2. I blew out my vocal cords screaming on a roller coaster. I have had no voice for two days now, and so far, it's still not back. I sound like a squeaking frog, much to the amusement of my husband and niece.
3. I think I gave myself a concussion on another roller coaster, which bounced our heads side to side against a not-cushioned-enough padded harness. I have had a minor headache ever since.
4. I fell off a Segway on our awesome tour of downtown Chicago, scraping and bruising my palm, wrist, elbow and hip. Also humiliating myself. But the Segway was still AWESOME, and I will do it again next year when my nephew visits.
5. I gained 4.2 pounds. !!!!!!

She leaves on Monday morning, then I have a crazy busy week at work, then we leave on Saturday for a week-plus in the Tennessee woods with my sister and her family. Much hiking, running, swimming, and other activities will be going on then, and hopefully the eating will be reasonable. We are staying in a house with a full kitchen, and we have to bring all of our own food since there are few-to-no grocery stores nearby, so it should be okay.

Still. I have got to pull it together. The eating is out of control, and it's mostly been dessert/junk, like ice cream and gin-and-tonics and such. I fare better with actual meals, where I am easily able to put together a lot of veggies and lighter choices, but in between, it's been bar the door, Mary!

So the Diet Goals this week are:
1. No more ice cream. If I need an icy treat, it's back to the popsicles, which I love anyway. Or have a WW yogurt -- I am loving the lemons right now!
2. Stick with the 21 points a day.
3. Start to eat down all the fruits and veggies in the fridge before they go bad.

Exercise Goal: I got in 5 days of exercise this week, no problem! Mainly because we were so active and I tried several new things which I am now obsessed with. Today we are either going kayaking again or swimming, or maybe even both. Yay! Then I will get my runs in on M-W-F, and hopefully be able to swim on either Tue or Thur. (C'mon, weather! Work with me!)

Fashion Goal: get all my laundry done so I can pack for the trip. *g* I've got 4 days of meetings this week, so it will be a lot of dresses and skirts. I think I will break out a couple of my NAS purchases, if I can. Oooooh!

I've also got photos to post, but the niece is sleeping in the room with the computer that holds all of them. So maybe I can get to them later today. Otherwise it will wait until Monday!

Weekly Goals: Diet, Exercise, and Fashion

Yesterday was a strange day, eating-wise. I started off just fine, grabbing a bar on my way to my WW meeting (down 3 pounds from the last weigh-in!), and then I was off to the farmer's market and grocery store where I stocked up on all kinds of good stuff for the week. I had a second bar on my travels, which kept me from buying any of the tempting baked goods at the farmer's market. I was being proactive!

Then I got home at lunchtime, and everything went downhill. I ate at Chipotle, drank beer all afternoon, ordered pizza for dinner, heck I even had ice cream before the day was through. Not one "real" piece of food crossed my lips all day. I'm not even sure why -- of course the alcohol turning off all my inhibitors and sense of responsibility was a huge factor -- but I don't know what prompted me to have the beer in the first place. Boredom maybe, or the freedom of having a day with no responsibilities, or...who knows? I don't particularly feel guilty about it; there was an impact on the scale of course, but nothing's permanent. I don't want to repeat it, though.

Anyway, it got me to look back at my Food Tracker (yay for journaling my food!), and I did notice that the days where I went more off the rails than others are usually the day that I start off with a MF bar instead of oatmeal or yogurt&berries. So this week's Diet Goal is to save the MF bars for mid-day meals, not as the first one of the morning.

I don't think the bar is to blame for my issues, but it's like I commented at my WW meeting yesterday: when I go on vacation, I make it a point to utilize the hotel gym or pool first thing in the morning. Even though I may have a walking-filled day ahead of me, getting in some serious exercise right at the start stimulates and motivates me to make better choices throughout the day. So if I start the day with a healthy, filling, WW-style breakfast, I will be more likely to think about the rest of my food through the day that way. Whereas eating a MF bar is just "2 points of fuel" for me, and the candy-like flavors tend to trigger junk food cravings in my lizard brain. They're great for a 3pm meal, but not in the morning, at least not for me right now. I've got to remember that.

My Exercise Goal is to again get in 5 days. I managed to up it by one more day this week, and I'm still frustrated by the cool weather keeping me from the pool, but I want to make this happen. I am loving running, and today I will be going on a long hike with friends. So that will be 4 days = 1 hiking, 3 of the Couch-to-5K program. What will be my 5th exercise? Hmmmm...ooooh, my niece is visiting this week, and I've been talking to Hubby about renting a kayak for myself while the two of them go fishing on his new boat. If we can't get to the pool, then kayaking it will be!

My Fashion Goal is three-fold:
1. I need to sort through my boxes of clothes in the basement, and rearrange them by size. I have a couple of friends who are looking for some particular sizes and I want to share what I have. Shopping Friend suggested a clothing swap with our friends; now I have to figure out who to invite!
2. Want to continue to rotate all the new summer pieces I've added lately, and continue to cull out anything that is just too big, or new and needs to be returned.
3. Now that I am out of the shoe department LOL, the shopping ban is back in place!

That's the plan for this week. I think I can stick to it.

Tuesday: Shopping Ban Announcement

Looking at today's outfit, it's hard to believe it's the middle of July! Where the heck is summer? Sheesh.

Top: White crochet-neck ATL cotton top, purple AT boyfriend sweater
Scarf: from the Brookfield Zoo (!!)
Bottom: navy BR stretch pants
Shoes: brown croc patent Me Too flats

I bought this scarf a couple of years ago on a random trip to the local zoo. I have no idea what possessed me to buy it, and I think I've maybe only worn it once. But I love the colors and it finally came in handy on yet another cool summer day.



So pretty! Now if only that loose mesh knit wasn't already falling apart...

+++++

I picked up all my new items from the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, including the taupe leather trench. I know that I need everything for the upcoming season, and everything I bought is gorgeous and definitely all statement pieces that I will use to death, but...the amount I just dropped is giving me heart palpitations. Like I always do, I will do a fashion show for Hubby tomorrow, and will definitely keep the tags on everything until I decide for sure to keep it, but I think something stronger needs to take place as well.

I need to go on a shopping ban.

Now, in general shopping bans haven't been a good idea for me, particularly the last six months; it was foolish to not allow myself to buy clothes when my size was changing so drastically. But it's not really doing that now, and in order to really appreciate all the NAS fall clothes I just bought -- and to really utilize all the still-new summer clothes I have -- I think a shopping ban might be a very beneficial experience for me.

Better still, I know the perfect incentive and time frame: I will be on a shopping ban until I reach my goal weight.

If that doesn't spur me on to finishing off the end of the diet phase, honey, nothing will.

The only rule about the ban will be if I return something I can purchase something else of similar or lesser value. I was sneaky tonight -- I made sure I returned everything I already knew I was returning *before* I instituted the ban; so if I really want to buy something new, I have to return something I haven't worn yet and have the tags still on. (Which is a lot more clothes than you would think.)

There you have it. I am now officially on a shopping ban.

Wish me luck!