Friday: Remix, and Dieting Weekly Wrap-up Thoughts

Just a simple remix of some current favorites:
-Red sparkly infinity scarf, Nordstrom Rack
-Cream long-sleeved layering top, Ann Taylor
-Black grandpa cardigan, Gap
-Green pattern Max Studio dress, Marshalls
-double layer of Target opaque and herringbone tights
-black Vince Camuto boots, Nordstrom

If I can only fit into one of my old dresses right now, I am glad it's this one. The colors give it so much versatility in my closet.



Been doing some shopping, but more returning. I'm sort of between things right now, not just sizes but styles. Not really sure what the problem is, but I am bored with what I have but not really enamored by what I think I would like to buy. Even LOFT is letting me down!

That said, I did pick up a gorgeous velveteen jacket from Talbots yesterday on sale. The great part is the flaps can be worn two ways, so it can look like a Minuteman coat or they can close up and button across. (Click on both photos in the link to see. Stupid Talbots makes it impossible to link by photo!) That's a great Christmas/Vegas jacket for sure!

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So I've wrapped up a couple more weeks on Medifast. It's been getting rougher to stay completely on plan since getting back from Thanksgiving, but I'm trying to do most of my day on plan and then loosening up the restrictive limits for dinner. Hubby went to his doctor last week and they discussed the pros and cons of Medifast and other diets; the doctor said even if we followed like we have been -- as opposed to a full off-plan feeding frenzy -- we should still lose weight. I haven't seen the weight loss part yet, but I am holding steady. And in the face of Christmas cookies everywhere and the work stress mounting even higher before we leave for Vegas, I am taking that as a win.

I have decided for Vegas to continue this plan: eat 3-4 MF meals a day and have one regular meal once a day. Which will include liquor if I want. I'm also going to go on a quest to find as many vegetables or fruits in my daily meals as possible; it is just too easy when eating out to Eat Like A Polack and have only starch and meat.

When I get back from Vegas, I think I am going to finish up the food I have and switch over to Weight Watchers when it's gone, probably in a month. That new PointsPlus plan is just TOO appealing to me, and I am bored sick of the MF foods. It's not even that I'm hungry or deprived, I am literally bored. It's like with the 30 in 30 Challenge, where even though I liked many of my clothes perfectly fine -- and have continued to wear and remix them in my outfits since -- I was bored silly by them. Same thing with the MF food. Tired of soup, tired of puffs, tired of hot drinks and bars and even the brownies.

I think I am ready for navel oranges, Brussels sprouts, and some meatloaf, please!

Week 4 wrap-up thoughts: Dieting version

I will put together my wrap-up thoughts after the end of the 30-in-30 Challenge tomorrow, but I wanted to reflect briefly on my latest week on Medifast, and dieting in general.

1. I did cross the 10-pound mark this week, and despite my declarations earlier, I do feel damned good about it. How three weeks can change one's perspective! And how 10 pounds really can make a difference. I hate when I forget that, but it's great to be reminded. I can feel the loss in my pants for sure, and there have been some very heartfelt and kind comments here on the blog and at work about how the loss is visible in my face and elsewhere.

2. I'm not perfect this time on MF, but I am sticking with it and it's working. Like I said a couple of weeks ago, the thing I am trying to teach myself this go-around is moderation. As the saying goes, everything in moderation including moderation. So I may have a little extra at one meal, or allow myself an indulgent meal or a glass of wine sometimes, but only in moderation. I don't let it derail me from my next bar for my next meal, and I don't allow it to happen every day. I am too good at convincing myself I deserve a special treat all the time, and that's the main habit I need to break. I'm working on it.

3. I think that's how I'm going to continue in Vegas; to do a modified 4-and-2 or 5-and-1 depending on the day, and to decide meal to meal if it's one where I will stick close to Lean & Green or if it's one I might have a little bit more. Moderation!

4. 10 pounds in a month! It's weird because I am both happy and a little disappointed; I don't know that I had an actual number in my head that I thought I could lose during this 30-day challenge, but I did think I might be down a size by the end of it. I'm not there, and that's a little disappointing. I know it wasn't realistic, but sometimes the heart doesn't listen to the brain, you know? On the other hand, it has made me realize that I was BUSTING out of my current size at the beginning of this, and so maybe I'm not being fair to myself in using the pants as a gauge -- because if I had been honest with myself I would have been buying a bigger one to begin with. So now I fit in what I own, and they are getting looser every day. That is worth being happy about.

5. Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back. I went looking through some older posts this morning to find some thinky-thought links. That's a mistake. It's really, REALLY hard to look back and see myself at goal and know that I didn't stay there. That I ate and ate and ate, without any kind of moderation or brakes, that I talked a good game about trying new challenges but in the end dropping them without any real success, continuing to eat and justify every overloaded calorie as a treat I had "earned", until I put it all back on and have to do it again.

I'm doing my best not to self-flagellate about it too much, and to just get it together and get it off again, but I won't lie, it's hard not to blame myself sometimes. I'm trying my best to spin into a positive, and to look forward to getting back into those super-cute outfits from last year. And that is working too. Positive self-talk can do miraculous things if you let it.

And those are my thoughts this week. :)

Week 1
Week 2
Week 3

30 in 30 Challenge: Day 23

Sorry for the whiny post yesterday; I am in much better spirits today! I'm not going to lie -- a large part of it is due to you guys. I love checking my inbox throughout the day and seeing all the different comments and perspectives you all bring to LFD. You make me see things I don't on my own, and you definitely make me feel better when I am starting to feel grumpy! I don't say it enough, but THANK YOU all for the time and kindness you spend here. I have the best readers! (Even when they are typo'ing their brains out, heehee, Julia! You cracked me up.)

Two other things delighted me yesterday:

1. That new Medifast brownie was not half-bad! A little gross in the creation of it (needed more than 3 tablespoons of water, for sure) but it ended up tasting rather brownie-like, and best of all, it was warm. It's hard for a warm brownie to be bad, isn't it?

2. I wandered over to the WW site (I still have my monthly membership there), and checked out the new plan. HALLELUJAH!!!! They are finally, finally getting back into the real food concept and away from the 2-point snack-athon. Fruits AND vegetables are now 0 points (most of them; I didn't check them all out yet), and other points values have been re-evaluated so the junk costs more. Plus they raised the points limits for all members. The push is to encourage people to make smarter, healthier food choices instead of just eating 2-point foods because it is all they can "afford".

I have talked about my adoration of the Core plan from a few years ago, and this is a giant step in incorporating the best of that plan into the regular Points plan. Bravo, Weight Watchers! I am definitely motivated now to switch plans in early 2011 from MF to WW; that's the kind of long-term eating plan I've been looking for!

OMG, my Bento is going to be so busy next year. Hurray!!!!

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Oh, and I wore my 23rd outfit of the challenge. Bet you thought I forgot, didn't you?



I don't know how long this sweater is going to last once the challenge is over; it is pilling something terrible! Do those de-pillers actually work? It's a little gross and embarrassingly visible, since it is right under my arms and around my chest. But I am wearing it as much as I can while I can!



It's funny, I started this challenge with 3 white tops but I ended up swapping out all but one. I would have preferred to have gone with a lighter top today, but the black ruffled tank is all that was clean and appropriate. I paired with two versions of checked grey-and-black print: the micro-check of the pants, and the larger one of the scarf.

Thanks to your encouragement and my stubborn need to power through the challenge to the end, I have some ideas for mixing up a few more new combos this week. Let's just hope they work out as well in the mirror as they do in my head. LOL!

30 in 30 Challenge: Day 22, and Week 3 wrap-up thoughts

Well, let's get this out of the way quickly:



I didn't see the problem in the morning, but then at work I kept passing this one mirror by the bathroom and wondering why I looked so out of proportion. It wasn't until I downloaded the photos that I got it: the sweater is too short for the skinny pants. Now, I've worn this with skinny pants before, and it didn't look like this, so I skimmed through my previous photos and realized I always wore a longer shirt underneath it to balance it out.

Lesson learned: always wear a longer top with skinny pants. Always. Sometimes when I see teenage girls with several layered tanks/tees on, I wonder why they bother; you can't really see the layers except at their hips, where each successive layer sits lower and lower down their leg. Now I get it. It really lengthens them right where they -- and where I -- need it the most.

See the difference?


vs.



Duly noted! (Also, I need to wear this sweater with different colors. The white or taupe is boring!)

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Speaking of boring, let's discuss Week 3 of the 30-in-30. You guys, I am horribly, terribly BORED. I know there are only 8 days left, but instead of feeling inspired with a last burst of creativity, I keep looking at the next 8 days as pure torture that I must suffer through. I am sick to death of my limited options, and even though Emily Kennedy offered that great list last week, I feel like I have worn every combination I can think of. I miss the rest of my clothes so much. Even though they don't really fit again yet!

So I think I am just going to go for broke. I need color in the worst way, and I think I've been saving some of my really colorful pieces more than I should, and feeling less worried about repeating the neutrals. No more -- expect to see the melon, and the purple, and the red and so forth, quite a bit over the next 8 days. If I repeat within the week, that's just how it goes! Soon enough it will be over, and I can start digging through the rest of my closet again. Hurray!

Who knows, maybe going for broke will change my attitude toward the 30-in-30, and I'll feel more positive about it as I reach the end. It has been an interesting experiment, for sure!

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On the dieting front, I did survive the Thanksgiving weekend. Interestingly, I fell apart more over the weekend traveling and coming home more than I did on the holiday itself. I've been good about sticking to the foods during the day, but my one meal of the day has not been Lean & Green as much as it should have, and I am seeing that affect the scale already. (Up a pound from last week.)

I had a new box of Medifast food when I returned, with all kinds of new items to try. The pretzels have already been dismissed as tasteless, but I will get through the boxes of them without a problem. I'm a little afraid of the brownie, but I will give them a try in the microwave in a day or two. The rest are pretty good.

So it's back to the stricter regimen for the next 3 weeks, while I think about actions and consequences over my Christmas trip to Vegas. At this point, staying on plan during the week doesn't seem like a good or possible idea, but I don't want to veer too far away either. Hmmm. Let's see how the next 3 weeks go first -- we don't really have a lot of parties or holiday events to go to, so it's just a normal few weeks for us. Thank goodness.

Week 2 Wrap-up Thoughts
Week 1 Wrap-up Thoughts

Week 2 wrap-up thoughts

Another week in the can! I have less to say this week than in my Week 1 wrap-up thoughts, but there have been a few updates:

-In terms of the 30-in-30, I am getting a bit...restless with my limited choices. Part of it is my own fault for not choosing any dresses or skirts (not that I had any at this size) -- I am tired of my one silhouette of pants and cardigans. I see other bloggers really mixing it up, and I feel like I am wearing the same thing over and over. I am hoping this short week at work and then the rest in Arizona in casual outfits gets me out of the slump.

-I did do another switch this week, swapping out an unworn purple layering top for the purple cardigan I had swapped out the first week. I still have one more piece, a white long-sleeved layering top, that has yet to be worn in the challenge. I am going to put together my clothes for Arizona today and will see if I need to do one last swap. After that, I will have worn everything so there will be no more wiggle room. (Swapping is probably against the rules, but I figure it's better than dropping out altogether or going on a big shopping spree, both of which crossed my mind this week.)

-As for Medifast, the week's events threw a bunch of challenges at me -- two going-away parties for the top boss, a couple of afternoons in meetings with no discreet way to get to my food, dinner out with Shopping Friend and Hubby last night -- and I made moderate choices for each. The first party was buffet-style dinner at an Italian restaurant, where beyond the iceberg salad the *best* choice I could make was a couple of squares of vegetable pizza. The second party was cake and pastries on a looong Friday afternoon, and there I did indulge in one delicious homemade moonpie cookie. Dinner with SF was supposed to be at my house with roasted chicken and veggies, but I punked out and we went for Mexican again. Knowing that getting a tortilla topped with even just plain cheese and mushrooms (one of their best dishes) was pushing it too far on the carbs after the other indulgences this week, I went with a great chopped salad with chicken, cheese, cukes, lettuce, tomatoes, bacon, and a zesty lime-cilantro dressing.

Even with those not-quite-on-plan choices, I am still down another 3 or so pounds, proving once again that moderation is the smartest choice to make when faced with any eating challenge. I don't know why that is such a difficult concept for me to embrace all the time; I know in theory it works, and when I do manage to achieve it I feel a true sense of accomplishment and satisfaction (and I still do get to eat something I really want to), but in day-to-day non-dieting meals, I just suck at it.

That's one of the skills I would really like to learn now and when I am done with the Medifast phase of my weight loss; I need to learn that when I do have an indulgent food at one meal, the other meals of the day should be moderate. Or that even the indulgent meal doesn't have to be over-the-top indulgent in every capacity. Maybe if I have a big meal it doesn't HAVE to include wine and/or dessert. Or if I eat greasy lunch on the run at Portillo's, my dinner should be soup or salad. I need to learn to remember that when I practice moderation, I am happier about my choices, my feelings of being in control, and my flipping pants fit. Why would I not want that to happen more often?

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Hunh, reading back this post, I suppose even the clothes-swapping instead a more extreme response is a form of moderation too. I guess it really was the lesson of the week.

Now I just have to figure out how to make it stick.

30-in-30 Challenge: Week 1 wrap-up thoughts

A few thoughts now that I have successfully wrapped up Week 1 of the 30 in 30:

1. I went through a lot of my 30 items, but there are still 3 layering tops, 2 blouses, 2 sweaters/jackets, and a pair of pants left unworn. I am starting to think I may have gone too heavy on the tops, but it also gives me a little breathing room if I am unable to do laundry over the weekend. :)

2. I am glad I did some swapping out of a couple of unworn items; I will be more ready for my Tucson trip which was unplanned when I started the challenge. I swapped:
-silver loafers for new Pikilinos
-purple cardigan for cheetah flats
-black layering top for brown
-white short-sleeved layering top for LOFT red sweater (decided yesterday, but the shirt is still unworn in the challenge)

3. The simple look of 1-2 accessories was fun this week, but I am ready to mix it up more. It's time for scarves to come out and play!

4. I have a lot of professional-attire meetings this week, which does worry me a bit. I did not include an actual suit, so my tweed jacket is going to get a workout. Glad I held off wearing it so far.

5. A few readers have made comments that they can start to see me getting smaller, and while I appreciate the sentiment, it doesn't feel like that is true close up yet. That said, one of the parts of this challenge that I am looking forward to is when that *does* start to happen. Wearing the same clothes for a month is the most definitive way to see when those clothes get looser and/or fit better. I like that I will have photographic evidence of that.


Which then leads me to some Week 1 wrap-up thoughts of my Medifast week:

1. Hitting ketosis on Day 3 was the best gift ever. I have never been so happy to have my mouth taste like something died in it. ;-D

2. I've re-evaluated which of the MF packaged foods are going to work best in my lifestyle: doing any more than 3 bars a day is just, well, it makes me too gassy. (LOL!) But I need grab-and-go items so my next order will have more of those yummy puffs and I might try the brownie and other new items. The hot drinks are good (although the hot cocoa is just too lumpy despite all my tricks) and the soups sometimes take more effort than I have time for. But they feel like a real lunch, so I make them work for most days; I just need a backup MF lunch for when they won't.

3. We've got three default Lean & Green dinners that we cycle through during the week: spaghetti squash and turkey meatballs, chicken and blue cheese salad, and a skillet of shredded cabbage, portabello mushrooms and ground turkey with Polish seasonings. With the insane hours I am working right now, that's just fine by me. If I get a free weekend sometime soon, I will dig around for any other ready-to-eat-in-minutes dishes we would like.

4. Conversely, I am trying hard to shake up my routines, at least with the MF foods. The second time I did this (when I was unsuccessful), I kept a strict pattern of hot drink in the morning, soup at lunch and bars in between. This time I am mixing that up and having them at different times -- so my chai latte (which is caffeine-free) is an afternoon meal sometimes, or I skip soup altogether and have puffs, 2 hot drinks, and 2 bars. Anything so I don't get bored and let temptation creep in.

5. I'm already down 6 pounds this week, but I don't want to acknowledge or celebrate that. These last 20 pounds...I've been pretending for months that I never gained them at all, so it seems hypocritical to crow about getting rid of them now. I know, it's a strange mental game but it is where my head is at. I want to get rid of this top layer of bloat/fat to get myself under 200 again. Working my way down from 200 to 180, *that's* what will feel like an accomplishment. That's where visually it makes the biggest difference; I can see it when I look at my photo archives. That's when my dresses will come back out to play. :) This part right now, this is...just me getting disciplined again and stepping away from the "women's" departments before it's too late.

So I'm concentrating on the little things -- keeping myself interested on my 5 MF meals, fitting them into my demanding schedule during work hours, making sure I am still looking forward to my Lean & Green and not getting bored and daydreaming about pizza instead. The poundage itself...if I can do all of that, the pounds will take care of themselves.


And them's my thoughts on Week 1. :)

30 in 30 Challenge: Day 3

After a couple of days of neutrals, it was time for a blast of color.



I don't know what inspired me to try these two together, but I liked it. The Kohls sweater has turned out to be a versatile workhorse, and the burgundy/rust color goes with just about everything!



Hee, I love how I went from wearing it with a safe coordinating colors like the grey tie-dyed to the last few choices with teals and this marigold/mustard (is that the right name for it?). Hmm, I might be repeating that brown combo this month; that one is still my favorite.

The marigold Gap top is also turning out to be a fun one. I'm definitely replacing that top button to a gold one so it stands out less. I will also like it better once my belly shrinks down a bit and it hangs better at the bottom.

The rest of the outfit is your basic black NYDJ ponte skinnies, black Naturalizer booties, and as I am trying to stay simple this week, just this one multi-stone necklace from a local jeweler. It's a bit of a statement piece so I wear it sparingly. But I liked how the greens and the length of it played among the marigold ruffles.



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In dieting news, I hit sweet, sweet fat-burning ketosis yesterday, my third day back on Medifast. The headache, mild nausea, and constant hunger all vanished, and now even the little bars satisfy me for a "meal". Once you get there on Medifast, the plan becomes much easier to follow; the hardest part here on out is resisting the temptations of tradition and emotional attachment to food. If I go off-plan at this point, it is usually not because I am hungry but because I am at a holiday dinner bursting with tradition and expectations, or I am stressed and don't have a non-eating coping mechanism, or even just a simple outing with friends where we normally eat and drink without thinking about it.

To prepare for that, I have a few strategies:
1. Eliminate most of the temptation upfront. Hubby and I are doing this together again, and so neither one of us is egging the other on when we get home and are stressed and exhausted and ready to order pizza and beer. I've cut back on my social obligations with friends for a couple of weeks, and when I do have them I will try to set up non-restaurant-based outings. The leftover Halloween candy got dumped into the work bowl a week ago, and I am about to clean out my pantry to donate a bunch of stuff to our local food bank.

2. Have emergency backup plans. I keep a bar or two in my purse just in case I get caught in traffic or out and about where I might miss a meal. I forgot that on Day 2 -- I had a hot cocoa for the afternoon but was in a meeting and could not prepare it -- but I won't do that again!

3. Make my choices about holiday events BEFORE I get there. I just booked a trip to see my ailing aunt and her family in Tucson for Thanksgiving, and I know there will be a big feast. But as much as I love 'em, their traditions are not mine and so I'm going to stick to plan while there. I'm doing a lot of the cooking anyway so I will prepare extra veggies, and I'm pretty picky about my stuffing and potatoes so they should be easy to pass up.
On the other hand, I am also spending a week in Vegas at Christmas with my parents. I'm still deciding what I will do then; a lot of it depends on how well my weight loss is going. Success breeds success, as you know!

4. Gaze adoringly/longingly at my dress closet. I am coming back to you soon, girls!

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I got a few questions about Medifast in comments on other entries; if you guys have any more please leave 'em here and I will do a separate follow-up Q&A post about it!

30 in 30 Challenge: Day 2

Style Nation (I love that term), say hello to my mom! I am leaving her a message while taking my photos. Multi-tasking for the win!



Also a win: this outfit. I'm keeping the accessories simple this first week of the 30-in-30, letting the clothes and combinations take center stage for now. I am certain in another week or two I will be bored and throwing every scarf I have at the challenge. So today is only a belt, but it's a pretty one! A stretchy navy (Old Navy, of course, and long gone, also of course) that I kind of liked wearing slung low instead of up around my waist. With the long tunic (and my current inability to button it all the way) and the shorter jacket/sweater,the proportions looked better worn low than high. My waist is very high up.

Colorwise I went with navy and brown and white, again keeping it simple and neutral, but in brighter, cooler tones than Day 1. Wore just a simple silver necklace at my throat, the chocolate brown NYDJ ponte skinnies and my BOC brown suede clogs. The tuxedo button down tunic is also an Old Navy in-store-only find, and I seriously love it and its red-striped twin. I ironed them both in the morning to prepare for the challenge and a) they are much easier to iron than I thought, and b) I probably could have worn the re-striped one today instead. Hmmm, another outfit for Day 23? :)



Good day, hurray! Also good: the chicken noodle soup I made for my MF lunch. Getting the right proportion of water makes such a difference. I also tried the new parmesan cheese puffs as one of my meals; they were really tasty but it is hard to think of that as a "meal". I will continue to order them but not more than a box at a time. I made it through Day 2 of that too!

Medifast: What I Eat

My food for the next 30 days

For curiosity and posterity's sakes, I photographed a day of meals that I eat on Medifast. I've gotten a lot of questions about it over the years, from offline and online friends, so since I was kickstarting the 30-in-30 Challenge and going back on Medifast on the same day, it seemed like an idea whose time has come. Not to worry, this is a one-time thing! I don't have the time or patience to do it again.

Anyway, the first thing you do is pick out your 5 food items of the day. I like to mix it up so there is a drink, a soup and some bars. The bars are the most tasty but they give you serious gas and stomach gurglings so having 5 all day turns my stomach into its own marching band complete with tuba and drums.

My picks for the first day. No real selection plan involved; I like all the foods I ordered and I like never having the same 5 items in a day.



In the morning I put a kettle of water on to make the chai latte and to prepare the chili for lunch. The thing to remember about the packets is that it is dehydrated food; if you want it to taste like real food, you need to rehydrate it. Some people "soak" the soup overnight, but I don't find that necessary. This one-minute preparation does it perfectly.

1. Put soup in thermos.
2. Pour boiling water into thermos. (It works from the hot-water spigot on a work coffee machine too. I am SUPER lazy sometimes!)
3. Seal thermos and shake vigorously for a minute until there are no lumps. Reseal and take to work. At lunchtime I will have tasty, still-warm, chewy chili!



7-8am: Meal #1
I make my chai latte. Again, this is dehyrated food, and there's a lot of protein in it which makes it a lumpy mess that can be hard to mix. The best process I have found is this:

1. Pour dry packet into mug and pour in just enough water to make a paste. Stir until you get a shiny, unlumpy paste.
2. Pour in the rest of the water and mix together. You can also use coffee, like I did here. Mmmm.




10am: Meal #2


(Added pen for size.)

Mmm, the caramel nut bar is my favorite. But it is a "maintenance" bar meaning there are more calories in it than the others so you can only have one per day. There are days I look forward to this damned bar for hours.

12n: Meal #3



AAAAAAARRRRRGGHHH!!!!! I made a rookie mistake with the chili and forgot it needs MUCH less water added than the soups. I don't have chili, I have (soy) Meat Soup. UGH.

I am hungry and not about to call it quits so I eat it anyway, and I curse my stupidity. Tomorrow I am having chicken noodle!

2pm: Meal #4



Mmmm, lemon meringue! A lot of the MF meals/bars are chocolate-y so I like to order some fruit-flavored ones to break it up. The lemon has a nice bright taste and the crunchy bits wipes the last of the Meat Soup disaster out of my mouth.


4pm: Meal #5



I am so freakin' hungry on my first day I actually chomped down on almost half of the chocolate mint bar before I remembered I was supposed to take a photo of it. HA!

6:30pm: Lean & Green meal



Hallelujah, it's time for real food. (The first week of MF sucks. Once I hit ketosis I will be much more intense, but for those first few days I am watching the clock waiting for my next meal time to arrive. It's not pretty.)

A Lean & Green consists of 3 servings of vegetables (1/2 cup each, lettuce is a cup each) and a 5-7 oz piece of meat depending on the type. You get 2 Healthy Fat servings and your pick of a specific condiment list. The list of approved veggies and meats is strict, to keep your carb count down, but there is still quite a bit to choose from. But we are lazy and we're not great cooks so we tend to stick with a few favorite meals, and a great big salad is one of those. Hubby grills up chicken breasts for us with Penzey's seasonings, and then we go to town filling up our bowls with veggies. A one-bowl meal is easiest because we weigh everything, even the lettuce.

This one is butter lettuce, alfalfa sprouts, red pepper strips, chicken breast and bleu cheese crumbles, with two tablespoons of dressing. They changed the rules on the dressings and the one we had is no longer on the list. Will have to shop around for low-carb dressings!



Mmmm. This is a favorite meal even when I am not dieting. Tomorrow will be my absolute favorite: a cup of spaghetti squash with half-cup of tomato sauce and turkey meatballs. My diet version of pasta which I have come to like even better than real pasta!

8pm: Snack



We get one snack per day: dill pickles, sugar-free popsicle, or a handful of crackers. I like my nightly popsicle, but Hubby is a salt guy so he goes through a jar of pickles a week on Medifast.

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There you have it. It's pretty restrictive, no question, and not for the faint of heart. But it's easy to get into a good rhythm with it, and as you may have noticed all the photos during the day were taken at the same spot at my desk. If I'm going to be stuck there for 9 hours at a stretch, it's a lot better for me to be eating regimented foods than the crap I have been eating. So, onward!

Moving Forward

Wow, thank you all so much for the thoughtful replies to yesterday's post! Everyone gave me a lot to think about. It's funny, I almost edited it to include this postscript:

P.S. Not to worry, while I am asking for your feedback, the truth is I am going to do whatever the hell it is I want to do. :) But I want to know your thoughts anyway!

Because it's true: while I was and am interested in your perspectives, I know very well this is my blog to use as I see fit. For a while yesterday, I worried that if I changed my stance not just on diet-blogging but on Medifast itself (which long-time readers will remember I have had a rocky relationship with), that it would somehow negate my previous opinions. Then I realized people and circumstances change all the time, and so do opinions. What was good for me six months or a year ago isn't the same as what is good for me now. I have the extra pounds to prove it!

So my plan is to gear up on MF again, mainly to get the first 30 or so pounds gone. My husband will be doing a version of it with me; he doesn't need to do the daytime foods as he still eats similar small meals (soups and granola bars) at work, but he is just as eager for the Lean & Green dinners as I am. As he put it oh-so-bluntly, he doesn't have as much to lose as I do. (NICE.) But true; he lost 75+ pounds on MF when we did it in 2009, and he has maybe gained 20 of it back. Having him doing it with me will make life much easier at dinnertime; we are each other's worst enablers when it comes to pizza-ordering time!

I want to record for posterity why I am doing this, and why I chose the fast route for at least the first part:

1. I don't want to buy new winter coats.

All my coats from last year are larges, since I was in the middle weight range in the winter. I don't mind buying pants and tops, but coats are expensive and I hate all the 1X sized ones I have tried on. If I can shave off some belly fat over the next couple of months maybe I can avoid having to buy new ones.'

2. My 25th high-school reunion is in May 2011.

I definitely do not want to look like this then, so I better start now. I see a lot of my old friends on FB, and I am looking forward for the face-to-face reunions. But with a smaller dupa!

3. I really miss my dresses and my shoes.



I have 3 storage closets full of all the clothes from last year in a huge variety of sizes. I would like to Shop My Closets again! As much as I like wearing pants right now, the skinny ones especially, I miss my dresses so much.

Even worse is my shoe dilemma: All my shoes work with my dresses, not my pants! It kills me every morning when I am picking my shoes.


(Last year's collection. A few are gone now, and a few have been added.)

MISS. THEM. SO. MUCH.

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So there you have it. Sure, no more chowing down on antacids would be great, and feeling healthier and fit is important, yadda yadda yadda, and I am sure I will be getting a lecture from my doctor at my annual next week. But the things that are prompting me to do this NOW are all about my vanity. It's likely as I start to have success the healthier benefits of this will gain in importance, but right now they're not on my list. My shoes are on my list.

I mean, you guys have seen my shoes: wouldn't you do the same if you were me? ;-D

Reader Feedback Requested

I have an early morning meeting today so I am going to keep this short and throw out some questions to you guys. For various reasons I won't detail right now, I am probably going to start dieting again -- it's time -- and I am very strongly considering doing Medifast again.

I have had strong opinions about blogging about my weight loss in the past, but time has softened that stance; I am just so used to blogging my thoughts on issues like this, and about my life in general, I'm not sure I want to stay quiet about it as I go through the journey again. Conversely, I am also not sure I want to lose weight in a public space again, either. I'm used to doing it that way, but it's not easy.

I am not sure about anything quite yet. :)

So...I toss the questions out to you:
1. Do you want to read about my dieting exploits?
2. Would you rather I stuck to the clothes?
3. What do you think the role of a reader is when a blogger talks about weight-loss: cheerleader, adviser, someone looking for inspiration from the blogger, something else entirely different? All of the above?
4. Is that role different when the blog is strictly about clothes?
5. As long as I am asking, are there any topics you wish I would cover?

Thanks for the input! (Now I am late for work. Eep!)

What is yo-yo dieting, anyway?

(No photos from yesterday's outfit. Got halfway through the morning and realized I didn't like what I was wearing. The photos reinforced that when I downloaded them that night. Ooops!)

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I've been thinking a lot about my battles with my weight over the years, and trying to fit it into some neat description box. As I discovered to my amazement a while back, I wasn't always heavy growing up, as I had tricked myself into believing. College and my early 20s changed that, and at 25 (about 1992-1993) I joined Weight Watchers for the first time and lost 42 pounds. Even got to Lifetime, became a WW Leader and ran a couple of storefronts for them, for several years.

But I was struggling to keep it off even then, and it was only the threat of being fired for gaining it back that kept me in check. That went on for about 3-4 years; then they did downsize me, and it didn't take long for the weight to come back. It stayed.

Nearly 10 years after my original loss (around 2004, right after I quit smoking), I returned to WW and enthusiastically did the Core plan, not only losing about 35 pounds but also learning how to cook for the first time in my life, and trying a lot of ordinary, healthy foods that I always thought I hated. (My husband still can't believe I love mushrooms, bell peppers and steak now.) That lasted about a year, then the weight slowly crept back. And stayed.

In 2009, I did my most radical diet yet, with Medifast. I ate crappy little bars and soups for six months and lost 60 pounds, more than I ever had. Of course, as soon as I stopped doing it, the weight crept back up, about 10 pounds at a time, over the following year. I tried several different diets to get it back off again, but none of them with any kind of full commitment or success. I am currently only 10 pounds from my highest weight, and trying very hard to get re-inspired to lose it all over again.

3 weight-loss cycles in 18 years. How do you define that? Does that count as yo-yo dieting?

Even more importantly, why do I do that to myself? Why can't I keep the habits that I learn and maintain for years -- why can't I keep them going forever?

Of course, I'm ignoring the big picture: it's been over the span of 18 years, and everything else about me has changed over that time too. I'm not the same person I was during Loss #1 or Loss #2; I've moved several times, got married after Loss #1, had different jobs, different friends, different hobbies. I've learned since both those losses how to dress myself, and fallen in love with heels and dresses. I quit a 20-year pack-a-day smoking habit, competed in a triathlon, took up photography, welcomed many new family members into my life, and said goodbye to a few as well. Owned four cars, had 10-minute and 1-hour commutes to work.

It's not fair for me to compare any of those weight-loss cycles to each other; in many ways, they happened to completely different women. One of the Weight Watchers slogans is, "This time it's different." The implication of that is, 'this time it will be successful' -- but that doesn't work for me. I WAS successful before. This time is different, because I am different. I am the accumulation of all the victories and failures, the new things I've tried and incorporated into my life, the old habits I cling to forever (this last week reminded me that I will never not turn to PB&Js when I am sad), the lessons that have stuck and that haven't. I am not the same women I was at 25, or 36, or even 41.

I am a confident, strong, opinionated woman. I don't allow myself a lot of negative self-talk, and I hate to see other women disparage themselves. (Ask my friends how irritated I get when they insult themselves.) Even when I am at my heaviest, I have made myself see the positives in my appearance, and I refused to let myself wallow in self-pity. But this last weight-loss cycle has been much more humbling; it was the first time that I lost all the weight I wanted to, and it was the first time that I really liked the skinny little body I had underneath all of that. I wanted to stay thin, much more than I ever did before, and yet...I didn't. I don't know why. That has knocked me down, a lot. Each time I crept up another 10 pounds, it knocked me down a little bit more. And I let it break me like that. That has bothered me.

So I am at this crossroads right now, trying to decide if I should just stay where I am weight-wise and let myself build my confidence back up, or if I am ready to start another cycle again. I don't know the answer yet.

But I'm thinking about it. All of it. And this time, it WILL be different. I don't know how yet, but I know it will be. It always has been.

Wednesday: This is not performance art.

Whoa. That dress is REALLY EFFING SHORT.

Oh, I wish I had looked at these photos before I went to work. I mean, I knew it was a little short, but I did not realize exactly how short it was. :::goggles:::

Anyway, it's not a kickass Kohls dress; this one is from Target. I think I should have sized up on it, but even so, it's awesome. I had two in the same style last summer from Target; they were solids with colorblocks at the waist detail, and I like it much better as a print dress. Oh, how I have evolved in a year! :)



I paired it with my purple AT boyfriend silky cardigan, which has absolutely been worth all 2999 pennies I spent on it a year ago. First, this was the first bf cardigan I bought and it got me to realize this was a style that worked for me bigtime, and second, the color kicked off a whole addition of tons of purple print dresses and outfits to my closet. Sheer Spanx and my grey Franco Sarto heeled oxfords finished off the outfit, as they have for several days running. I don't often wear the same shoes every day, but now that we are in this weird inbetween weather, where it's still cold and frosty in the morning and by afternoon it's in the 50-60s, my shoe choices are limited. The chunkier oxfords and suede shoes are too heavy (as you can see in the first picture when I as experimenting with my black Naturalizer chunky shoes, blerg), but it's not time for the sandals and strappy heels yet either. Alas!


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I've been mulling over some thoughts about my weight loss efforts for the last few days, and it's not been a fun mull. Two things keep circling back to the forefront:

1. I am really tired of dieting at the moment.
2. I am equally tired of doing it all in public.

I started on Medifast on January 1, 2009, and I have been dieting ever since. That's almost 16 months, and every minute of it has been on public display. I joined the MF forum boards in January, and I posted entries on a blog there every day as well as joined the community on the forum. We had weight-loss challenges and support and lots of discussions about food and mental adjustments and self-image and everything. Then I switched to WW, and I happily attended the meetings for months. I also started LFD and gave myself several weight-loss challenge commitments. I didn't lose during this period, but I was just as focused on the concept as I was back on the MF site.

Don't get me wrong, I know I did all that of my own free will, and I don't regret it. I loved my Green Gals over on MF, and I get so much out of going to WW meetings and reading and writing posts about these issues online.

But it no longer brings me any pleasure, and in many ways it feels like an obstacle that is impeding me from actually getting where I want to go. I know my long-term goal for 2010 is to get back into my 10s, but for the last few weeks I've been growing to accept where I am right now. That post I did on perspective, with the photos of me as a kid, keeps resonating with me; am I pushing myself to be this ideal weight because I still think I'm that fat kid? I wasn't fat then, and maybe I'm not now. Maybe where I am is perfectly acceptable. Maybe I need to let myself off the hook and stop dieting. Maybe I can just be.

(I keep wanting to add more that sentence, to put in a disclaimer that this is only temporary, that I will continue to lose weight eventually and get to goal, etc etc. But maybe I won't, and that's something I will decide once I actually try to "just be". I don't know, I haven't been in that headspace before; I've been in the "lose weight or be a failure" mode since January 2009. So I'm not putting any disclaimer; whatever happens, happens.)

And a big part of letting myself "just be" is not talking about it anymore. I have to stop treating my eating habits and weight as a piece of performance art. I need to concentrate on eating right FOR ME, and for me alone. To make mistakes and do things right, all in the privacy of my own head. I've gotten to the point now if I have a very bad meal I feel like I need to confess it online, and that's not good. That's not teaching me anything, and it's not stopping me from doing it again. I need to sort this stuff out on my own again.

So the "low fat" part of Low Fat Dressing is going to go quiet. I will still be posting about outfits and self-esteem and links and my 5Ks and other topics, but my diet is my own business, and I need to not share (or some would say, overshare LOL) that with the whole world.

I do appreciate all the kind thoughts, wise advise, encouragement, and sheer inspiration all of you have given me over this time, and I will definitely continue to read and be motivated in reading your blogs and your thoughts. The online blogging and weight-loss worlds are full of some amazing people, and I wouldn't gotten where I have without you. Thank you so much!

Monday: If it ain't broke

I am seeing many other bloggers starting to take outdoor photos and wearing lighter outfits as spring approaches. We just got another 4 inches of heart-attack snow dumped on us yesterday; spring is a long, long ways away in my neck of the woods! I have, however, been able to take my white puffer coat to the dry cleaner and been able to "only" wear my long wool coat instead. Yay?

Anyway, it's going to be winter wear here for a while at LFD. Which is fine because I've still got my new fab Alfani dress to enjoy! I wore the self-belt tied in back today so the bronze-brown scarf (a birthday gift from a friend) could take center stage. I remixed the new pointelle black cascading sweater from Target with it; it will kill me to hide those adorable sleeves with a longer sweater so I'm putting it off for another day. No closeup but I double-layered a black patterned tight with an off-black plain pair, and wore my rich brown Franco Sarto riding boots to finish it all off.





The scarf knot idea came from Une Femme d'un certain age, who has great scarf tutorials. This one is ridiculously easy but looks complex, and it's perfect for all the oblong scarves I have (which is a lot). Speaking of which, I've been exchanging emails with a reader about closet size and inventory, and I'm considering doing a post about it. My closet space is actually pretty small so I tend to assume my inventory is pretty small too, but in doing an actual count of items I don't think my analysis is correct. Would a post about my inventory, and clothes inventories in general, be interesting to anyone?

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Diet news: Had my official weigh-in Monday, and I am down 7.8 pounds. That's a killer first week on Medifast! Of course, losses will be much smaller after this, but I do like when that first week is a good one. I feel like it bodes well for the future.

The first week was rough until I reached ketosis on Sunday, but I stuck with it and didn't go off-plan. I suspect this time is going to be mentally much tougher than last year, as the snacking goodies in the office are multiplying. It's a very high-pressure environment of all women, and chocolate and cookies are at every meeting and on everyone's desk. Luckily, there is almost always fruit too, so I'm going to concentrate on that when I am ready to join in again. For now, I bring my tastiest, snackiest bar in with me and leave it right in front of my notebook.

I added running back into my routine yesterday as well, restarting Week 7 of the C25K plan. It's only three more weeks to the St. Pat's 5K, and I will be ready!

Okay, it's only 5:15 but it's about time to start getting ready for work. I have a full plate of internal meetings all morning and a metric ton of desk work to do; going in extra-early seems like a good idea today...

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P.S. Jane at The Small Fabric of My Life has issued the Spring Wardrobe Capsule Challenge for next week. Who's participating? I found it great fun last fall, and will be doing it again. I'm already hemming and hawing over what my 10 items will be. It's much trickier than you think!

Medifast: My opinions and review

I don't know that this would be interesting to many people, so I thought I would post it on the weekend so you could skim past if you wanted. Last year as I was enormously successful on Medifast I got a lot of questions about what the plan was like, how I felt on it, etc. Since I've embarked on it again -- and am already seeing and feeling the results -- I thought I would put together a post on Medifast so it was in one handy, linkable place.

1. What is Medifast?
Medifast is a low-carb, packaged-food diet that was created by physicians over 25 years ago. In the past it was a liquid-only (shakes) diet, but now it has expanded to many varieties of Medifast meals plus one "Lean & Green" meal per day. You order the food from the website, print out the lists of Lean, Green, Condiments, and Meatless Options, and read the FAQ. That's really all you need to get going.

2. How does it work?
The idea behind Medifast is that you eat a low enough number of carbs and calories that your body enters a fat-burning state called "ketosis". From the Medifast FAQ on the site: "This causes the body's fat stores to release free fatty acids, which are then converted by the liver into an energy source called ketones. This mild dietary fat-burning state helps the body achieve faster weight loss while helping preserve muscle tissue. The fat-burning state also helps naturally reduce appetite and hunger while still allowing you to feel sufficient levels of energy. "

It sounds like hocus-pocus witch doctor/sci-fi, but it's true. It generally takes 3-5 days for your body to reach this state as it has to consume the fat currently residing in your liver first, and during those 3-5 days you will feel hungry almost all of the time. The first time I had a minor headache and some listlessness before I hit ketosis, but this time I was just flat-out hungry. Yesterday in particular was brutal (mentally, not physically), but today I can tell I am finally in ketosis. I have tons of energy and I'm not thinking about food 24/7. I am good to go!

3. What do you eat?
The plan is called the 5+1, so you eat 5 Medifast "meals" and one regular "Lean & Green" meal per day. You are also allowed to have one extra snack if you need it.

Medifast (MF) meals are pre-packaged, often dehydrated items, including soups, shakes, hot drinks, cold drinks, crunch bars, soy crisps, pudding, oatmeal, scrambled eggs, chili, etc. You can have any combination of 5 meals per day, and you have one every couple of hours. It is a matter of trial and error finding the ones that appeal to you, but a general rule is: if you like the real version of it, try the MF one. I don't like milkshakes or pudding so I've never had the MF version. After six months on the plan, I learned the ones I liked the best and that's what I order now. They started offering crunch bars in 2009, in about 10 different flavors, and that's mostly what I eat because there is no preparation needed and I can stick them in my purse for being on the go. The other ones I like are the hot drinks (hot cocoa, cappuccino, chai latte) which need boiling water and a certain preparation so the are not lumpy, and the soups, which I put into a thermos in the morning, add boiling water, shake and take to work, and at noon I have a thick, still-warm tasty soup. A lot of newbies make the mistake of adding hot water to the dehydrated packets and then eat them immediately, which gives you essentially hot water and lumpy, crunchy clumps of powder. Let things soak for a while, and the experience is completely different.

The other meal of the day is the Lean & Green, which is real food. This is 5-7 ounces of certain meats, 0-2 servings of a healthy fat, and 3 servings of certain vegetables, prepared any healthy way you like. The vegetables not allowed are those higher in carbs, like squash, corn, carrots, Brussels sprouts, onions, etc. There are also a list of meatless options for the Lean for vegetarians/vegans, like cheese, tofu, soy burgers, etc.

Plus, you can have up to 3 condiments (from an approved list) and one snack per day, from the following list: 3 celery stalks, 1 fruit-flavored sugar-free Popsicle, 1/2 cup sugar-free gelatin dessert, such as Jello, up to 3 pieces of sugar-free gum or mints, 2 dill pickle spears, or a package of MF crackers. I have a Popsicle every night for my after-dinner snack, Hubby alternates between Popsicles or pickles.

Of course, you also need to drink tons of water. And you will want to; ketosis gives you terrible, terrible breath, and you will often feel very thirsty. Have water handy all the time.

4. How much do you lose?
MF says you generally lose between 2-5 pounds per week. In the first week or two, like with most diets, you may lose a lot more: Hubby is down 10+ pounds this week, and I am already down 8 (my official weigh-in is Mondays). We will level off after this week, no question. But the 2-5 pounds is often very accurate; I kept stats last year, and that bore out.

Caveat: in observing people's losses on the MF forum, I did notice that the weekly losses were proportionate to one's actual weight. Meaning, people who were 200-300 pounds (and there are many on MF) had much greater losses than people who only had 20-40 pounds to goal. I am actually curious to see how fast/slow it goes for me with only 25 pounds to lose compared to how it went when I had 60 to go. Because of that, and because of the intensity of the plan and the changes it creates in your body, it is not a diet I would recommend if you only have 10-20 pounds to lose. I'm not even sure if it was the right choice for me with a 25-pound goal. That's one of the things I will be paying attention to this time.

5. What is it like?
It is simple to follow, but it can be very hard emotionally, physically, and mentally. It's not a plan you can do halfway; if you don't get to ketosis, you don't lose consistent weight. I liken it to quitting smoking (which I did after a pack-a-day 20-year habit): if you still have a cigarette once a day or once in a while, you never let your body go through nicotine withdrawal, and you will always experience cravings and you will continue the addiction. With MF, if you stop and start and never let your body get to ketosis, you will always be hungry and tempted to cheat. Then you will cheat, and you will again not reach ketosis, and you will be stuck in the same hellish limbo the whole time. Not pleasant.

I had to keep that in mind yesterday; I felt like I was "starving" all day, and thinking about the burgers at Meatheads obsessively. Every two hours, when I ate my MF meal I would make a deal with myself: I would eat my bar and see if I could get through the next two hours, and if I did, I would eat another bar and reset the mental clock. I didn't have to get through the whole day, or the whole program until I lost all the weight, I only needed to get through the next 120 minutes. Even after our super-delicious Lean & Green meal for dinner (ground pork, shredded cabbage and mushrooms, sauteed in a skillet with tons of Polish spices), I was still making mental deals with myself. But I stuck with it, and this morning I woke up and realized I wasn't hungry at all. Ketosis has been reached.

That said, once you are in ketosis and you've got a daily rhythm going, it can become pretty mindless. The best thing about MF is that you can forget about food for a while; the really tempting foods are verboten, so you can concentrate instead on how your body is changing as the weight comes off, and how to deal with developing and accepting a whole new mental and physical image of yourself. For a lot of MF members, myself included, this may be the first time you have ever seen yourself this thin; how are you going to deal with that? How do you deal with other people's reactions? Who are you if you're not the fattest one in the room anymore? You need time to learn to accept those kinds of things, and this break from being consumed with food can often give you that space and time.

You can even start to tackle the emotional issues you have that tie into food. Why are holiday goodies so important? Why do you overeat? Why are certain foods triggers? When food is out of arm's reach you can think more clearly about your relationship with it, and what you want it to be like when you are eating it again. Many people on MF swear by the Beck Diet Book, which I did not read. I am going to have to work harder on this part, obviously (see: the constant gains I experienced post-MF). I definitely did the first part, learning to accept myself thin, but the second part needs work this time. :)

6. How much does it cost?
Approximately $300/month. MF meals are sold in boxes of 7 meals/box, and you need 5 boxes per week; boxes are about $16 each. The FAQ says it comes to $11/day. That does not include the L&G meal you would buy in the grocery store, but you also have to remember you are no longer buying any other foods for yourself and you will likely be eating out or on-the-go much less. Hubby and I used to eat out 3-4 times a week, and we often bought lunches out and had a fully-stocked fridge. When we did MF (at $600/month for our food combined), our food bills stayed the same and even went down some months.

There are also tons of ways to get it cheaper. I use Ebates, which is a shopping site that I use for all my online shopping. You sign up for Ebates and start off any shopping experience from their site, then look up the site you want to buy from, and go to it from the link on Ebates, then order what you want through the actual website. Ebates simply tracks what you purchase and sends you a check quarterly for a percentage of what you spent. I just got a $50 check from them this week. For doing nothing but using their site as a portal. (If you are interested, post your email and I will send you a friends link. I get an extra $5 on my check for referrals.) Retailmenot also often has coupons for discounts on the MF food too. Or you can sign up for the VIP ordering (which is free) on MF itself, and you get two weeks of free food, free shipping, and 5% off all future orders. We had VIP the last time, and it was nice.

There is also a related website to MF that has "MF coaches" to help you through the program and you can order the food cheaper from them, but I avoided all of that because it felt hinky to me. My sister did it that way and she loved it, though.

7. How do I connect with other MF dieters?
On the main MF site there is a link to My Medifast, which allows you to set up your own tracking page and links you to MF forums and blogs of other MF members. It is largely self-run by the members. There are groups that band together and have weight-loss challenges, others who just want to encourage each other, forums for plan questions and tips, places for people to set up their own blogs, etc. I spent a lot of time on My Medifast last year, but I am less interested this time. Like all online communities, the conversations go in cycles and members weave in and out; I feel like it's given me everything it can and now it's up to me to get this done. Also, the group of women I befriended on the challenges have all moved over to Facebook, and we keep in touch there. I don't need the support system on My Medifast like I did before. But it is a great place when you are getting started, and as you succeed on your journey. I wouldn't have done as well without it.

8. What is your eating schedule like?
Like I said earlier, I already know what my favorite MF foods are so I tend to stick with the same things. I did a lot of experimenting to get here, though, and I might order some non-regular ones once in a while to shake things up as the months go on. But generally this is a typical day for me (time ranges indicate I eat sometime between them):

4:30: wake up, have 2 cups of coffee with one packet of Sweet-n-Low and an ice cube
7-8am: cinnamon-roll bar or hot drink
9-10am: hot drink or bar
12n: soup
2pm: bar
4pm: bar
6pm: L&G meal
8pm: popsicle
9-10pm: zzzzzzzz

I do switch it up and have my L&G for lunch if my co-workers want to go out to eat. I enjoy that, and it's super-easy to find acceptable meals at many of the places we go (Panera's salads are excellent options). On the weekends I tend to eat mostly bars because I am out running errands and I just keep a sandwich baggie with the 5 of them in my purse.

9. Should I do it?
I do not recommend Medifast as a diet, in general. It requires extreme discipline, is expensive, and like I said, I think it only works when you have a significant amount of weight to lose. For someone needed only 5-10 pounds, or even up to 20-30, I think there are better options, like Weight Watchers or South Beach, etc.

That said, if you are obese and you need rigid structure and can afford it, it might be for you. Read the FAQ thoroughly, check out the forum, and decide for yourself. It's got to be your choice or it won't work. I couldn't possibly decide for you. There are days I'm not even sure if it's right for me! :)

10. Does it really work?
See for yourself! :)


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Whew. This got long. Thanks for sticking with the whole thing! If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask; I'm not afraid to be honest about my experiences with MF or with weight loss overall.

Thank you.

Wow, you guys. WOW.

Thank you all so much for your kindness, your advice, and your encouragement. I did not post that looking for attention or concern; I actually considered not saying anything at all and seeing if you guys could tell when my clothes started fitting better. :) But I called this blog "Low Fat Dressing" because I wanted to talk about fashion and diet in the same place (and the pun cracked me up.) The diet/exercise part usually takes a backseat to the clothes, but it's still relevant to my life and the blog, and it probably always will be. If I've learned anything in the last six months, it's that dieting and maintaing both require a lot of commitment and self-awareness. Even when I get to goal again, I'm going to need to remain vigilent, conscientious, and committed.

But first I'm going to work on getting there. :)

I will check out that book, "The Solution", Sunny and Chelsea. Thanks for the recommendation! I have already done WW, including up until two weeks ago. For some reason it hasn't been clicking for me the last few times, but I do know the program and I know it works.

Big, huge, heartfelt internet hugs to everyone who commented. I'm going to look back and re-read your great comments every time I am feeling low. I'm quite sure they'll be better than any lavish treat/meal. :)

Changing Direction

For those of you who have been following Low Fat Dressing for a while, you may have noticed I stopped posting about the 13-in-13 Challenge a couple weeks ago. I was struggling with it from the get-go, and finally accepted that I was going to need to make some drastic changes to get myself off the trajectory I have been on for months (meaning: gain gain gain, pretend I'm not gaining, gain gain gain).

The reality is I have gained nearly 25 pounds since stopping Medifast in June. It's been a slow chipping away at all my hard work of the winter and spring when I lost 60 pounds total. I did eat relatively heathy, but in fits and starts, and I never quite figured out how to break my worst eating habit: food is a treat for me. A lavish meal is something I think I "deserve" after a hard day, or to celebrate an achievement, or just a way to pamper myself when I am feeling stressed or tired. I love my new job, but it's extremely stressful and I am still figuring out its rhythms and cycles. So pretty much every day, every meal, has been me treating myself. My schedule has been so upended, in fact, I even skipped running last week. ACK! I am on Week 7, where I am running 20-25 minutes straight. Soooo close to completion!

I ordered a box of Medifast food last week, and I started back on plan yesterday. Ironically, the extreme discipline works for me. There are no treats, ever, and for some reason I don't rebel against that. Medifast is mindless: just eat a packet of food every two hours, then for dinner have 3 servings of veggies and 5-7 ounces of meat. We never got out of the dinner habit, so I've got easy-to-make meals at my fingertips. I can just slide back into the rhythms of the plan and let food and eating take a backseat in my life while I concentrate on establishing new rhythms to my day and my attitude (for instance, I now work longer hours, and often on the weekends. I am more responsible for running meetings and projects, unlike before when I was always the second-in-command. That requires a very different level of energy and commitment.)

Six months ago, I vowed never to do Medifast again, and it kills me to go back on that. It was hard, and it doesn't teach me anything about how to eat regular food without gaining weight. But that's not the lesson I need to learn right now. Right now I need to take this weight off again, before I go even further and gain it all back, and get myself back into my 10s like I've been wanting to do for months. Once I get back there, I'll figure out how to do the maintenance part. That's Phase 2, and I may have started it a little too soon last time; I still needed to lose a little more weight when I switched from Medifast, and so I ended up with a hodgepodge of counterproductive goals. I wanted to lose weight, I wanted to maintain, and oh my God I wanted to eat regular food again. Guess which one won? I won't make that mistake again.

Hunh. I've been looking back at old posts as I've been writing this, and I just looked again my 2010 Resolutions. I'm not doing them the way I thought I would be, but I am still on track for all of them:

1. Becoming a 5K runner. Despite missing last week and probably this one, I will be running the St. Pat's 5K on March 14, and I will be running other 5Ks this year.

2. To get back into my 10s. That's what returning to Medifast is about.

3. Go paperless. Hubby actually "re-organized" my disaster of a desk on Sunday, which prompted me to clean the whole thing out and get rid of tons of paper. Now my tax papers are sitting next to me in a folder as I wait for the mortgage company to send their tax forms. Then I'll be using TurboTax online this year -- no more paper or CDs.

4. A new Self-Improvement project for my brain. If this new job doesn't qualify, I don't know what does. I am reading all kinds of books right now, attending classes, learning new business philosophies, etc, as well as learning how to take charge of projects and become more self-sufficient at work. It's not going back to school for a degree, but I can see how it would lead me there in a year or two.

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I started brewing ideas for this post a couple days ago, after my box of food arrived but before I had officially started. I felt fat and unwieldy and desperate, tired of failing and gaining, embarrassed about needing such a strict plan to lose weight and even more embarrassed about not fitting into any of my favorite clothes anymore. (I have another week of dresses I would have loved to have worn for Dress Remix Week, but all of them are hanging in another closet right now so I am not reminded daily about not being able to wear them.) I was beating myself up pretty badly; my original title for this post was "Have I Hit Bottom Yet?"

But that's not how I feel anymore. I survived my first day back on Medifast, and I actually was relieved by the end that those 5 little bars were in my purse. I appreciate not having to think about food right now, and I am looking forward to getting back to running tomorrow. I'm proud of taking action again, not just kicking myself for failing. I'm excited to look ahead again, to make plans and see achievable goals in front of me, and to realize I hadn't actually gone as far off-track as I thought. Yeah, 25 pounds up still pisses me off, but it could have been worse, and at the rate I was going it was going to be much worse very quickly. So maybe this drastic change is what I needed.

I'll check back in a week and let you guys know how it's going. My guess it will be even better once I hit ketosis and all the hunger pangs and headaches go away. The first few days of Medifast are rough!

Thinky-Thoughts on the Value and Meaning of Numbers

I'm going to try to catch up on comments today, but I wanted to thank everyone for your thoughts on Thursday's post. I should clarify: I use my inches, size, and weight as simply numeric markers for measuring vaguer feelings of how I feel about my body size. It's kind of like if Goldilocks was a scientist; instead of declaring the porridge "too hot", "too cold" or "just right", she simply knew that the "just right" temperature range that she liked porridge best was 100-110 degrees, and she could determine if she wanted the bowl by sticking a thermometer into it instead of burning her tongue on food that was too hot. I learned this year that "just right" clothes for me, where I like my body shape best, is about a size 10. Depending on the brand it could be anywhere from an 8 to a 12, but overall it's a 10, and my weight at that preferred body shape is about 163-168. Ish.

I never knew that before this year. NEVER.

Before I lost weight, I knew I was extremely overweight but I didn't have any concept of what I would look like at my optimal size. It wasn't just not knowing what size I would buy at the store, I had no idea what my body would look like without rolls of back fat or a super-wide dupa or flab on my belly. As I lost weight this year, I looked very consciously at myself as the fat came off, and I learned what I looked like without all of that in the way. For the first time in my life I was able to decide what I preferred my body to look like, and I learned how to use my weight number and my clothing size to mark off in my head when I liked my body best. I learned how to connect what clothing size I was when my dupa was at the size where I didn't flinch when I looked at it, to link together what weight I was on the scale to when I didn't get muffin top in my favorite new jeans.

This was an entirely new concept for me. I never even realized I *could* look at my dupa and not flinch. I never really understood that I could look at myself and be truly content with how I looked. Don't get me wrong, when I was heavy I accepted my body for what it was and I was never full of self-loathing, but the acceptance was more of, "It is what it is and I won't feel guilty about it, I'll just make the most of a bad situation." It wasn't until this summer, when for the first time in my life I looked at my body in the mirror and did not have a single critical thought in my head, that I truly knew that there was a difference between accepting and liking one's body. And this fall, as I've crept back up, pound by pound and inch by inch, I've crept back over again from liking to merely accepting. That's not good enough for me anymore. I've experienced liking, and I want it again.

So when I say I want to be back in my 10s, that's shorthand for being unhappy with being flabby and out-of-shape. I'm not stuck on the number itself, but the number is a quick way of measuring how close or far away I am from being at my preferred shape. I would be perfectly content wear a 12 if that's what fit when my body is in shape; I have several in my closet already. But when I have to wear a 12 again that I had already packed away because it was too big, that's when I am disappointed.

To go back to my thoughts from Thursday, that's what I need to work on next in my journey; I very likely am going to flow between my preferred size and this setpoint one on and off for the rest of my life, and I need to learn how to recognize each for what they are. I've gained and lost weight in the past, and the variance between the two points has been huge. The first time was 199 to 150, the second was 210 to 179, and this last one was 225 to 162. Those swings between weights are much much too big; I never learned to stop myself sooner when I was gaining it back. I want to learn that now; I HAVE to learn that now.

Yes, ideally, I would not gain any weight back at all; I would instead learn how to maintain it, and yes, I want to learn that too. But this experience of the last six months since I stopped actively losing weight has something to teach me first, and I need to acknowledge that. Maybe by doing so I will keep the weight variance smaller in the future. Maybe this will teach me to recognize when I've hit this weight/size marker, I need to stop and re-evaluate what I am doing before I balloon back up too far again.

I sure as hell hope I learn that this time.

It's funny, I have yet to see a blog or a forum discussion on Weight Watchers or Medifast right when this is happening to people. Usually you see someone who starts slipping here and there, and they make declarations about nipping it in the bud or re-focusing themselves, etc. I've made countless posts myself saying exactly that. But then their posts get more and more infrequent, and then they disappear altogether. Six months or a year later they return, often having put back on all the weight again, and they are full of renewed commitment for losing it again, and they start the losing process all over again. But they are completely silent about what happened as they moved back up the scale, and there is very little self-analysis about what caused that and why they didn't stop themselves sooner. Certainly I've never analyzed my own returns back up the scale. This is an area we just don't talk about much; we're too busy wallowing in shame and Mallomars to do it, I guess. It's easy to lose publicly, but gaining always happens in private.

This time, I don't want to be the one who slinks away and regains all the weight again. That's why I've kept posting even as I've been gaining, that's why I keep taking my daily picture even though I don't like what I see right now. That's why I did the 16-week challenge and why I am going to start a new Birthday Goal challenge this week. I am clawing for purchase, determined not to let myself go completely and gain it all back. I don't want to be fat ever again.

Or in shorthand: I want to wear my size 10s again.

The Final Push to Goal: the 16 Week Challenge

For those of you just reading this journal for the first time, I've lost 50-60 pounds since January of this year. I say a range because I've been sliding up and down the scale for a couple of months now, losing at peak 60 pounds. I need to lose a total of 65 to be at goal (I started at 225 at Christmas, which was my highest weight).

Losing these last 10 pounds have been tough. I've tried a lot of different mental adjustments and strategies to keep myself committed and on-track: switching from Medifast to Weight Watchers, starting a fairly steady exercise regimen, taking up C25K running, experimenting with kayaking, joining the town pool for swimming laps, putting myself on a short-lived shopping ban, bringing MF bars with me on vacations, etc. Some of these things have turned into new habits -- the new fun exercises in particular -- but still, the scale has gone up more than it is gone down. At peak last week, I was 12 pounds from goal -- and when I ended Medifast, I was 2. Now, I knew I would gain once I left MF, and I was prepared mentally to deal with that. But I thought it would be instantaneous, a quick big jump up as I re-introduced carbs and real food back into my diet. I wasn't prepared for this roller-coaster up and down and up and up.

And I can't really blame WW or eating real food as the problem here: the problem is my inconsistent commitment. Some days I count points, most days I don't. My days of exercise per week range from 0-7. I haven't even attended WW meetings every week!

I need to put the building blocks back in place, and leave them there; let them settle in and become true habits. It's said in WW that people who attend meetings for 16 weeks have the most success; they are the ones who truly commit to the plan and who lose the weight and usually keep it off. And really, it's creating new habits that gives us our weight-loss success, not what we eat; anyone can starve themselves for a week or two and drop a couple of pounds. A successful loser makes deeper changes to their eating habits. That's what I need to do, again. I managed to create new eating habits on six months of Medifast, and they have still kept me in good stead: I eat small meals through the day, I cut out skim milk and too much sweetener in my coffee in the morning, I never miss breakfast, I don't eat nearly as much starch as I used to, I added exercise as a desired and regular part of my life, etc.

Now I need to create more new habits for this phase. For the next 16 weeks, I hereby commit to:

1. Attend WW meetings every week without skipping any. If I cannot make my Saturday 8am meeting, I will make plans to attend the Thursday night one.

2. Exercise 4 days a week minimum. That 5th day is a mental stumbling block for me; if I can't get it in, I get 'all or nothing' in my thinking and I end up doing NO exercise. Four days per week I can do without any mental games.

3. Count my points in my Tracker. I know from vast experience keeping myself accountable is how I lose weight. Plus, I am anal-retentive and I like using the Tracker. It's so cute and organized! There are ticky boxes! I love ticky boxes!

4. Cut back on the alcohol to 1-2 drinks a week. I like my nightly beer on the porch with Hubby too much; I have to remember I like my size 8 skirts better. *grins*

That's it. I will of course keep going on the good habits I have established, and within the confines of the four commitments above I will continue eating good foods and trying to stay on plan as best I can, but really, the goal here is to build the habits. The weight loss will follow; it won't have a choice.

So in a total Bridget Jones move, here are my current weight stats:

Started at: 225
Today's weight: 167.2
Total loss: 57.8
Weekly loss: -4.4 (Water weight. The losses after this won't be this big again.)

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I want to note this observation while I am talking about all of this, as a reminder for keeping myself motivated if I start to flag: for my body, the difference between 160 and 170 pounds is the difference between looking skinny and looking chubby. As my weight has crept back up around 170, I've been shocked and embarrassed at the way it's changed my shape: my belly is round and flabby and isn't easily held in place with a slim skirt, my extra chin reappeared, my hands look puffy, there's a little extra flab of back fat starting to take shape. I've never really noticed how 10 measly pounds alters me before, but I definitely do not like it. I much, MUCH prefer my body at 160; I feel slender at that weight, and I don't have to waste my time dressing to hide parts of my body. Everything just fits as it should.

I know all of the above sounds incredibly narcissistic and self-obsessed, but honestly it is a revelation to me. I've never noticed these changes in such small increments before; the last time I gained (all the) weight back, I knew I was going up, I immediately hated myself and my body, but I just closed my eyes and ignored it and let it happen. Seeing it, making note of it, coming up with a plan to confront it will, I hope, stop that process in its tracks.

My eyes are wide open this time, and they plan on staying that way.

Thursday: Orange you glad you didn't say banana?

Dress: BR faux wrap, in "sarong red" but it sure looks orange to me
Camisole: brown, ATF
Sweater: brown cardi, ATL
Shoes: Me Too saddle platform heels, DSW
Necklace: gold and yellow stones, J Crew Outlet

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Doing a combo post today, about diet and yesterday's outfit.

My MF friend Amy made a timely announcement this morning that after weeks of struggling to stay on plan with MF, she was making the switch to WW to finish her loss and head into transition. I say 'timely' because that was exactly the topic I wanted to discuss in today's post; after a couple of weeks on it, I have concluded that the switch has definitely been the right move for me. I feel like I've settled down from that first spastic week and made the transition into really following the WW plan, and it's definitely paying off. I am moving down the scale nicely (losing the water weight I gained back after the switch), and I am just so darned happier, and relieved!

It's funny, it's only been less than two weeks, but my time on MF seems very far away right now. I can't believe sometimes I was able to eat such a small amount of food with such restrictive choices for over six months, and I didn't feel deprived or hungry at all. Because, truly, when I was in the full swing of the program, I wasn't hungry and I loved being on MF with full passion and commitment. I LOVE the changes it wrought in my body, and in my eating habits, and in me. It got me to finally start exercising (I always blew that off in previous WW attempts), it got me into the great habit of small meals through the day, and it got me to realize if I do have a big meal at one point of the day, I really can just have small bits for the rest of the day; I don't have to have a second meal just because it's that time of day. That's been a revelation.

That said, I can't envision going back. I canceled my VIP auto-order, and I'm seriously unsure about what to do with my last order of food. I do eat maybe a bar or two a day, but they're actually more like dessert/snack than a meal to me. Hubby says to keep it and we'll slowly get through the bars, which is probably what I will do. I won't have to buy a granola bar for a long, long time, LOL!

But otherwise, I'm done with Medifast, and it is full steam ahead with WW. I am loving eating all my summer fruit, and I'm really into figuring out my points every day, seeing how many fruits and veggies I can pack into my 21 points and still have room for an ice cream bar. :) I'm no longer overwhelmed by the choices; now I am excited by them, and I love figuring out how to work in foods that strike my fancy to eat. ("If I have the small sushi rolls, then I can have 3 instead of the one big fried one. Salad for dinner, and I can maybe even have a small soft-serve cone.")

It's just such of relief to be eating "solid food" again, I can't even tell you! Also, it keeps away the questions from well-meaning friends and colleagues about when I will be done with the diet. I am still dieting, but it doesn't look like it anymore; all it looks like is that I am eating healthy. Which I am.

In conclusion: I love food. I am thrilled to be eating it again. I am doubly thrilled to have a new body in which to digest said food, and for that I thank Medifast.

Now I need to go make myself some oatmeal, and do a little Wii workout. Gotta get my 5 days of exercise in, and this is the only free time I've got to get it in today!