I Hate My Closet, Part 1

You guys. Have you ever gotten to the point where you despise every piece of clothing in your closet?

I thought so. I am there right now.

This has been a long journey to get here; long-time readers of LFD remember the days when I was quite the shopper, finding deals and great new pieces on a regular basis. Then my weight went up, and up, and up, and up, and my interest in staying current in fashion went down, and down, and down, and down.

It wasn't just the weight gain that killed my interest in shopping and fashion. Another part of it was that I started to realize I had a full closet -- too much closet, really -- and I didn't NEED to buy anymore. If fact, I need to pare it down to the essentials so I could see what I really had. I donated boxes and boxes of clothes, and pretty much stopped buying new clothes. Gwynnie Bee has done an excellent job of keeping my closet fresh and my need for new items fulfilled.

But the last part, the biggest part, was the limited options available for plus-size mature adults with careers in conservative/traditional offices. I've complained before about "fat-girl" necklines, right? It drives me CRAZY -- it is SO HARD to find v-neck or boatneck or collared tops in plus-sizes. All the interesting shaped or print blouses always have this extra-wide round neckline that both goes too deep/wide and shows off too much skin at the chest, and weirdly sits too far back on the neck and shows off a lot of shoulder/back. Fat-girl neck leaves a huge circle of skin showing, and it does not look professional at all. Additionally, usually it is also a loose blouse so it shifts around if you have to, say, wear a name badge clipped to your neckline, or carry a purse on your shoulder. I am forever triple-checking to make sure my bra strap isn't showing (and it often is, dammit).

Examples of fat-girl necklines:

See what I mean? That's not a vee or a scoop or even a boatneck neckline. It's just...there.

My joke whenever I see a fat-girl neckline: "Hey, my HEAD is a normal size. I don't need extra room to get the shirt over it."

The other problem is that finding a fitted top is nearly impossible. I look at the other plus-size women where I work, and we all have the same uniform: billowy blouse that ends past our hips, thus hiding any type of curve or shape we might have, and making us look bigger than we are. Or worse, the dreaded cascading cardigan which pretty much does the same thing. Everything is draped around us, like tenting on a wedding table. Like so:

You wouldn't know cascading/boyfriend cardigans went out of vogue a few seasons ago from looking at any plus-size department. It's all about hiding our shape -- which is actually MORE unflattering than wearing something too tight, in my opinion.

On the internet, if you want plus-size fitted, the only option I see are dresses. Gwynnie Bee has a weekly Members Post of their clients in mostly dresses, and it is all the same va-va-va-voom look; the girls all look lovely and shapely, but they are ALL in their 20s/30s, and none of it would be appropriate for a conservative office. On a personal note, dresses are no longer an option for me since my feet require orthopedic shoes now. I'm still struggling to find a pair I can wear with dresses -- heck, I still need a dressy pair to go with slacks. (That's another post for another day.)

So. I've been trapped in fashion-less hell -- black slacks, black sneakers (kill me now), billowy top or a long cardigan to hide under. On the most depressing days, it is the ubiquitous black cascading cardigan along with the black pants and shoes. I can't tell you how many plus-sized co-workers I have who wear the same thing -- and in some cases it's the same black cascading cardigan every single day. At my peak, I owned three myself.

And I get why; it's not about low self-esteem or not feeling like you are worth spending money on. I have spent a damn lot of money, and a damned lot of time shopping online and in person. But finding flattering, work-appropriate clothes in a size higher than XXL is a Herculean task, and after a while, you just get too discouraged to keep trying. So you stick with your limited choices, and you focus on other things.

Things I did while not giving a crap about my outfits:
-Enjoyed the freedom in the morning from having to try on multiple outfits, and spent it cuddling with my puppy instead.
-Replenished my makeup supply, and finally learned how to use primer and tinted moisturizer to even out my skin tone.
-Spent 6 months in physical therapy healing my fallen arches, and learned to love my sneakers.
-Played a lot of internet games. A LOT.
-Had occasional flashes of Fun Clothes when a good piece from Gwynnie Bee arrived. But most of their stuff has been filler for under the cardigan, which was okay by me.


Eventually, though, all that black was just too much, and it was time to do something about it. But that's for Part 2. ;-D

How I killed my impulse shopping habit

A remarkable thing has happened to me the last few months: after five years of impulse shopping, spending hundreds of dollars and hours at the mall or in online stores every month, I finally broke myself of the habit.

When I say I shopped, I mean I really shopped. I thought nothing of going up to the outlet mall for the day, one weekend a month, and coming home with multiple bags. I had a routine online, where I would hit 3-4 of my favorite stores, fill up the shopping carts, then as the best sale email popped up for each I would hit Checkout. Of course, I also ended up returning a lot, but that just gave me another excuse to go to the store.

Even if I wasn't buying, I was always shopping.

I could give you tons of excuses for it -- I had significant weight losses and gains, I discovered fashion very late in life, I got wrapped up in following and being a fashion blogger and trying to keep my closet fresh -- but all of those are just excuses. The truth is I liked having new clothes, and lots of them.

Killing that habit has been a 4-step process.

1. I read Overdressed: the Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion. My reader Roberta recommended it months ago, and I have been recommending it to all my fashion-minded friends both on and offline ever since. The book does a tremendous job detailing the impact our shopping habits have had on our style, our economy, our charities, the international economy, the workers, and then environment. The chapter on what really happens to most of the clothes we donate was enough for me to re-evaluate what the hell I was doing.



2. I cleaned out my closet. And by closet I mean I cleaned out everything, right down to every obscure corner where I was essentially "hiding" clothes: in drawers, on hangers, under the bed, in bureaus in the hall, in closets in the office, in many, many places in the basement. I had an unnecessary amount of clothes, so much so it was preventing my ability to SEE what I had. I have always used my outfits as a creative outlet, mixing together colors, patterns and just the right accessories to finish it off. Now I can do that much more easily because everything is right in front of me every day, and I don't feel like I am "missing" things for outfits...which of course means I don't need to shop as much.




3. I began tracking my purchases and edits on a monthly basis. I did one final massive drop-off at the donation center when I cleaned out my closet, but that is the last time I intend to do that. The quantity of what I gave away was ridiculous, and not in a good way. That said, things do need to get culled regularly, and it's equally important that I track my purchases. It helps me see my buying patterns, and more than that it helps me see when I am buying things that don't make it more than a month or two. I already have a few items I bought in September and October that I want to get rid of already; I need to get smarter about that.

Once those pieces were in place, that solved many of the utilitarian, practical problems that impulse shopping had created. But what the first three steps didn't give me was the excitement and fun that I got with new clothes: that first thrill of trying on a new piece and see how it flatters me, the creative buzz as I figure out what I can pair it with in new outfits, the compliments I got from other fashion-minded friends.

That only came with the last step of the process.



4. I joined Gwynnie Bee. I've talked about my love for this company many times in the past, but they've earned it. I love everything about them: the website is easy to navigate, the photos of the clothes are flattering and often show the same item on different models so you can see differences in fit and drape on various body types, and adding items to your "closet" is a snap. They've improved their shipping times since I started in September, and will be improving them again once they move to a new distribution center. But for now you can indicate on the website when you are shipping something back, and they will send your next piece out sooner.

Best of all, I get all of the fun of new purchases without having to buy anything. The white box arrives every couple of days, and inside is a lovely piece gently folded and wrapped in tissue. Sometimes I don't check the website before so it's a surprise when I open the box, other times I take a peek so I can start planning how I will fit it into my closet before it gets here. Once I've tried it on and determined it is the right size (which I am getting better at ordering now that I am more familiar with some of their brands) the creativity starts as I dream up new outfits for it. And if the item didn't fit, I fold it immediately into the return bag, go to the website that evening to note I am shipping it back and wave it goodbye, just like I would do with any returns from my impulse shopping days.

Some of the pieces I have gotten lately (more are here):



(My hair was still soaking wet so I just did a quick half self-portrait.) This Rafaella long sweater was unexpected and fun; the cowl was a knit weave, but the sweater was more like a terry sweatshirt. It felt great and perfect for a chilly winter day.



This Edista top is still one of my favorites, ever.





Like I said, I didn't a good picture of myself in this Eloquii sequin jacket, but it was a really flattering fit and good quality.





This Karen Kane orange drape neck top proved to add a nice punch of color to a couple of business meeting outfits.





This brown animal print jacket is hard to photograph so you can see all the detailing, but it has great quilted ruching on the side so it is not nearly as boxy as the top photo suggests. I really liked the orange with it; the brown and black have a dusty, muted tone to them so it's difficult to find the right blouse for the jacket.



I got in one more wear of the orange top in a casual outfit, with a long chunky grey sweater, silver circle pendant from LOFT Outlet, faded Kut from the Kloth boyfriend jeans, and my faux-moto Clarks boots.



I showed off this JonesNY snakeprint cardigan in my Color Project: White post, but it also got a few more wears with other colors for some work outfits too.



The all-black palette brought out more of the baseball jacket look of the sweater, I thought. And hey Mom -- that's the badge pendant necklace from Brighton that you got for me! :)



Last outfit was with my own red Lane Bryant drape top -- which you will see again as part of the Color Project: Red round-up. :)

Gwynnie Bee approached me last week to become an affiliate, and I very happily said yes. Long-time blog readers will know that I don't really do blog sponsorships; I get email inquiries occasionally asking me to review products, but nothing has ever interested me the way Gwynnie Bee has. So I guess this is my first official blog entry that will need a disclaimer!

If you are interested in signing up for Gwynnie Bee, click this link to join. Joining is free -- it lets you look around the site and view some of the clothes they offer. If you decide to subscribe to the 1, 2, or 3 plan, they are currently offering a 30-day free trial, and after that they will charge your credit card for whichever monthly rate you choose. Here comes the disclaimer part: as an affiliate, I will get a free month myself if you follow the link to join and end up as a paying subscriber.

I am going to be blunt here: if you are a plus-sized woman who likes clothes, you are foolish not to try this out. I've been a big girl all my adult life, and I have never, EVER had a site where I could see -- and more importantly, get to feel and wear -- so many different brands and styles together in one place. It's like a whole mall, just for us!

They have TONS of dressy outfits too; my plan when I have a nice party to go to is to rearrange the closet and hold sections so I will get sent a good assortment of dresses and sparkly tops and jackets to try and to borrow for the occasion. I can't even think of another site where that is possible for someone my size.

When I eventually start to lose weight again, I suspect they are going to be a godsend for that as well; I will just order smaller sizes as I move down the scale, thus rotating through a new wardrobe without having to buy a whole new wardrobe.

Most of all,  Gwynnie Bee makes me feel PRETTY, and WELCOMED, and VALUED, as a woman and as a customer. I never feel left out because I want to wear something that isn't offered in my size (thanks a lot, Banana and Gap), I don't feel pushed aside and sent to the Misses section behind the luggage on a different floor than everyone else (hello, Macys) and the online photos they choose are pretty and flattering and don't make their models look like squat dwarves in highwaters (that's you, Nordstrom). I do shop at all the stores I just complained about, of course, but it's always while feeling like a little bit *less* than their preferred customer. Gwynnie Bee never makes me feel like that.

Seriously, give them a try. They were definitely the final piece I needed in place to kill my impulse shopping habit. :)

Now, don't get me wrong: I still love shopping! In fact, my next post will be about Stuff I Want. But the need to do it as often as I used to, or at the same volume of purchases, that's dead and gone. I don't miss it.

If only it were this easy to give up some of my other bad habits! :)

Closet Purge: a new monthly feature

Egads! According to my blog archive, I only posted 3 times in September. I am so sorry to have abandoned you, internet! I have been very, very busy during our time apart, with work insanity, social engagements, and just general lethargy. But I am back, and I promise to get back into posting more. In fact, I will promise to post every day for the rest of the month, just like Jenful did. Some posts might be pretty brief, but I need to work my blog muscle again. :)

One of the things that has kept me busy was a huge, massive closet purge. MASSIVE.

Long-time followers will remember there was a time, nearly 3 years ago now, when I was very fit and thin. And I slowly gained it all back, right in front of everyone. As I crept back up, I didn't want to get rid of sizes that I swore I would get back into, so I squirreled them away all over the house, one size up at a time. I ended up filling:

• 2 portable closet spaces in my husband's office
• 2 more portable closets in the basement
• 5 jumbo plastic bins
• 3 random boxes
• 2 garbage bags
• 1 extra drawer in the hall bureau
• 1 flat plastic bin under the bed

I am not exaggerating. Here is our basement before the purge.




All five bins are overstuffed.


(Yes, those are mannequins. I bought them when Forth & Towne closed. Don't ask.)

Two weekends ago, I tackled the basement and office closets.  I went through every single piece of clothing I had, and sorted them into 3 piles: one for donation, one to keep, and one to give away to a couple of my friends. My method was pretty cut-throat, out of sheer necessity; I really streamlined what I kept down to favorite pieces or ones that were of excellent quality and were classics. The ones for my friends were styles and brands I knew they liked, or ones I hoped would fit them well. Everything else went to donation.

When I was done, this is what it looked like:








The clear plastic bins are all I have left for myself. The two blue bins went to my friends.

The rest that went to donation filled my entire back section of my CR-V with overstuffed garbage bags. Twice.

• 19 blouses
• 23 button-downs
• 33 camisoles
• 27 long-sleeve knit tee's
• 52 short-sleeve knit tee's
• 53 long-sleeve sweaters
• 21 short-sleeve sweaters
• 15 pairs of jeans
• 5 pairs of pants
• 9 skirts
• 29 dresses
• 6 blazers
• 10 pairs shoes
• 9 purses/wallets
• 18 belts
• 6 outerwear coats
• everything else that I gave to my friends (uncounted)

Yeah. It was a lot. In my defense, I inherited some of it from Shopping Friend and my sister, and it does cover sizes 8-20, and it took me several years to purchase all of it, but still...I am glad I don't shop like that anymore. Being a size that is harder to find has its perks, I guess.

Once the big purge was over, I was ready to tackle the everyday closet. I had been keeping too many items in there that didn't quite fit anymore, or that I didn't want to admit was a shopping mistake. They were hogging up my ability to see what I really did have, so it was time for them to go.

When I was done, it was amazing. I sorted everything by type and then by color.



Hubby gave me the whole tall section of our closet (we had been sharing this part) so it went pants, skirts, dresses, and sweaters. (Boots and casual shoes are on the floor. The bins are clutches/small purses in one, and athletic shoes in the other.)


Sweaters by color. I did not realize how many purples and corals I had!



The second half of the closet. Hubby has the top part, I have the bottom. It goes on longer past the left edge of the photo.


Tops by color. I included even knit tees that I wear as under layers; stuffed in a drawer, I tend to forget they exist, and I end up buying more tops than I need (as evidenced by the 121 that I gave away!)


Jackets and blazers. I've been wearing more of them lately as I am attending more meetings at work.

I love it. LOVE IT.

Everything is on good wooden hangers (Forth & Towne again!), it all has room to breathe, and now I can see everything at once. This makes it 100% easier to figure out what to wear every day, and what hasn't been worn in a while. I can also see where my "wardrobe holes" are, and even more importantly, what I have too much of.

Angie at YouLookFab has written many times about maintaining control of your closet (the physical storage space) and your wardrobe (the clothes within it), the latest being a great blog post about asking what your wardrobe goals are. While I have no desire to establish a one-in, one-out system like she does, I can see now that for some item sets -- sweaters, for example -- if I buy any new ones I will have to get rid of some so they fit in the space. Truthfully, there are a good three or four sweaters already in there that I probably should have purged but that I decided to hang onto for one last chance for this fall/winter.

Therefore, I am going to steal a page from my blogger friend Lorena, and not only purge every month, but document what I got rid of, what I added, and why. I am always fascinated by her monthly edit posts and her monthly purchase posts. Now that I can see my own wardrobe, with everything lined up so nicely, it's obvious which items are on their last legs. It will be good discipline to go through them more often.

The Goodwill by my office is going to love me. :)

Team Infinity Scarf, represent!

Angie at YLF posted a Team poll about whether we preferred regular scarves to infinity scarves, and I was amazed at how many people not just preferred regular scarves, but actively pooh-poohed the infinity scarf! Heresy!

Ok, maybe I have been a little spoiled; the last couple of years it has become a regular thing for my mother-in-law (with the help of my fashionable sister-in-law) to buy me an infinity scarf for Christmas and/or my birthday, so I now have a small but lovely collection of them. Don't get me wrong, I looooove my scarf collection, but these days it is definitely the infinity style that I keep reaching for again and again.



As I said on Angie's post, what I like about them is the way they lay flat on my chest, and that there aren't edges or fringe to deal with.






They work for business casual and for casual. And they're so pretty!






They're just fun!



They're Spidey and Elvis approved!

Do you wear infinity scarves? Why or why not?