The Snowball Effect

Babyfriend and I have the same taste in shoe color.

About a month ago, inspired by my buddy Helen, I decided to join a team weight loss thing --although mine is at my fancy gym. I hadn't been there in months and months, and I wanted to try going again but I didn't know how to start. The promotion is 90-Day Challenge from August 3 to November 3. There is an optional weekly weigh-in (or just weigh in at the beginning and end), and the option to sign up for an extra 10,000-Steps-A-Day Challenge, which I did. There's huge prizes for the winner (it's a nationwide contest since it's a nationwide gym), but the biggest enticement for me was Try It Tuesdays. Every Tuesday there is a free class, sometimes about food but most of it are sample classes in TRX, yoga, pilates, treadmill/cardio, etc. Here was my perfect opportunity to get into a gym routine AND to try exercises I never would on my own! The timing was not good initially -- I was headed for vacation, but I had to go for it.

So I did.

I weighed in, took a godawful "before" picture in a sports bra and shorts (I kind of hope I don't win just so I never have to show anyone that picture) and promptly left town.

Had a super-awesome vacation (which I will post pics of soon). But I was proud of myself there -- I didn't just shut down the whole Getting Skinny project because I was out of town. I tracked my food and drink every day, and I made smart choices and ate tons of fresh, local-grown fruits and veggies, and I tried hard to get as many steps as I could. I even went to a WW meeting during the week!

And laid on the beach for a day.

I felt great about it, and I met all my goals. I made the 10K target 4 out of 7 days, I lost a pound and a half, and I had an awesome, awesome vacation with my husband and friends (and Abby).

Then it was back to work, where I was promptly felled by the flu. The one day I stayed home sick, my Fitbit counted 1,054 steps for the WHOLE DAY. From bed to bathroom to kitchen to bed, hahaha. Luckily it cleared up after a couple of days.

This week is my first full week without vacation or sickness -- and my husband went out of town with his brother for the week. So while it is not quite "back to normal" it's darned close.

As I am sure you are all worried, I am here to say that Abby and I are managing okay in my husband's absence. I went out to the Try It Tuesday class (a lesson about and *at* the grocery store, which..okay, actually I did learn that just as I use real butter and full-fat cheese I should probably eat more low-fat and regular yogurt too; I bought some lemon flavored Noosa to try) and put her back in the crate after our post-work dog park trip, so she was off her nightly routine and didn't realize that Hubby wasn't there and wasn't coming home until pretty late that night. I am sure there will be more pouting by the door tonight. She just lays next to it, and sadly rings the bells with one slow swipe of her paw. Chime, chime, where's Daddy? Chime, chime...I couldn't take it and took her upstairs to bed early. She was fine after that.

As for me, the cleaning ladies came yesterday, so I am doing my best to keep the house as spotless and unrumpled as when they left. The couch is still neatly stacked with pillows, half the bed is still made, and the kitchen counters are still empty. I'm going to see how long I can keep that up, just because I am a weirdo.

Not to jinx anything, but now that all my vacations are over and I am back to my regular work-a-day routines, my commitment to the 90-day challenge is starting to produce results. I've hit the 10K-step mark 5 days in a row, and for two of those I managed to get to the gym and figured out how to work the dumb treadmill.

I think I found a good way to get myself to do it -- if I don't make my 10K steps by 7pm, then I have to go to the gym and treadmill until they are done. If I can get my 10K in, I get a night off. So far the carrot/stick approach is working -- I'm a lot more conscious of how much I am moving/not moving during the day at the hospital, and I try to take Abby out for a long time and long walks in the park or around the neighborhood. If that fails, then I am getting in the habit of just popping over the gym and getting some sweat going.

Next Tuesday is a TRX class, which fills me with both dread and curiosity; there are only a couple of genuine fatties like me doing this challenge, so I feel pretty awkward and noticeable at the trial classes, but I am really grateful for the opportunity to just go and try out these things without having to commit to any of them. Yet. I'd love to find a couple of exercises from this that I can enjoy going forward. Once the challenge is over, the 10K thing won't be the main goal, and my hope is by then the habit of going to the gym several nights a week will be set, so mixing up my exercise routines and trying things other than walking will be the next adventure.

All in all, I am pretty happy with the way this is snowballing; I know myself, and incremental change that builds from one success at a time is how I change my habits best. I look back at myself a year ago -- I was hobbled from still-undiagnosed foot pain. I could barely get up the stairs! Then came the blessed appointment at the ortho, and a long, long winter of twice-a-week physical therapy, and then starting to take Abby to the dog park daily this spring, and then getting my Fitbit...and now I am finally at the point where walking 4-5 miles in a day doesn't cripple me for the rest of the week. Hell, I am starting to look forward to next week with Hubby's return so I can go to the gym even if I do make my steps! From my viewpoint of a year ago, it feels pretty damned miraculous that I got this far at all.

The competitive side of me is a little upset, I will admit. I've been watching the leaderboards for both challenges, and most of the people started out making their goals right on the first day. One person has already lost 11 pounds in three weeks! (I hate that person.) I have eased myself into it, because that's how I incorporate things into my habits. It's tough to see myself in the back of the pack on the scoreboard (the only people below me have already clearly dropped out) but I keep reminding myself that I just need to keep doing it.

Tortoise and the hare, tortoise and the hare.

Even if I don't win a prize, I definitely will have won.

The best selfie I have yet to take.

Catch up

Hello! So much to catch up on!

1. My WW leader moved out of town. You guys, Mark is gone!! This has thrown me off quite a bit; WW works best for me when I connect with the leader, and I really liked him. We've had a couple of substitutes since then, and none have really done it for me. We're supposed to get a new leader by mid-August -- I am just hoping I like them. I need this to work.

2. Speaking of which, I've been terrible about tracking food, and not-so-coincidentally since that tapered off I have been dicking around with the same three pounds, on and off and on again. So I committed with one of the women in the meeting (:::waves hi to Heather::::) that I would track this week, and we're going to email each other to stay accountable. Started tracking again today. Fingers crossed!

3. Amazingly, my walk with Abby has turned into a daily thing; it feels so great, and it shows on my body and face. It's got me craving more, and better tracking, so I finally purchased a Fitbit. Boy, that's fun! I've only had it a week so I'm still just tracking what kind of walking I do on a regular week. I ran a meeting last Tuesday where I was on my feet for 4 hours at the front of the room; walking back and forth and keeping everyone animated. In that little space, I walked 2 miles that morning!

4. Even though my weight has been stagnated, my body changes haven't. I am down a size in pants, and almost one in tops, so my closet has been going through a rehaul. Luckily I have plenty of clothes in smaller sizes to use, mostly pants.

5. Conversely, I am sick to death of all of my tops -- so I finally went on a shopping spree for more cotton shirts and work tops. But that should be saved for another post, because I have MANY THOUGHTS about plus-sized clothes.

Posting now before I forget -- hope you are all doing well!

Sunday meeting thoughts

Skipped a meeting last week and it shows on the scale.

It does not, however, show on my dupa: I am down a size in jeans now. And this top from Gwynnie Bee is a size smaller too. YES. 

Our daily trip to the dog park is paying for me and for Abby. We are headed there after meeting this morning, then we are meeting up with my girlfriend and my Babyfriend -- who is going to be FOUR  in two weeks. How is that possible???

The topic this month is: Always Have a Healthy Snack on Hand. I realized, belatedly of course, that I probably should have been heeding this topic sooner in the month; I don't snack after dinner, but the 3pm snack is a must for me, and it's been ugly the last two weeks. So I bought a box of WW snacks as emergency backup, and prepped grapes and peanut-butter stuffed dates (1pt each!) to take into the office. 

Have a great week everyone! 

Brain dump

OOOPS this has been sitting in my draft folder for two weeks. I am the Queen of Procrastination!

As disussed at that meeting, these are my two goals for summer by August 31:

Weight: Hit 10% goal 

Exercise: dog park when sunny, pool twice a week

Copy and print so visible every day -- Putting this down so I do it!!!

(*cough* Results so far: hit my 5% goal last week, have taken dog to park every day for at least a month. Twice a day on the weekends. It hasn't rained so I haven't been to the pool. My hand might be forced on that one tonight...)

Other stuff:

I never liked hummus, but these days I have been pretty much making a batch a week. I got the recipe from Kalyn's Kitchen and did a little modification. I have a mini-chopper so I cut the recipe in half so it all fits in the bowl.

Roasted Red Pepper Hummus (Blackeyed Peas or Chickpea)

1 can (15 oz. can) black eyed peas or chickpeas, rinsed and drained

1 tsp. garlic puree or minced garlic

3 T fresh-squeezed lemon juice (or slightly less if you're not that into lemon)

1/2 tsp. salt

1 T olive oil

1/2 tsp. ground cumin

3 T tahini (sesame seed paste), to taste

1 roasted red pepper, water-packed, chopped and drained from jar

Dump the canned black-eyed peas into a colander placed in the sink, then rinse with cold water until no more foam appears.  Let black-eyed peas drain for a minute or two, then put them into the food processor with everything else. Chop it up!

If the hummus seems too thick, add a few tablespoons of water and process. If you do not use a roasted red pepper, you will probably need more liquid so add water as needed.)

It lasts a week. (Or it would, if my husband did not inhale it one sitting.)

I actually prefer the black-eyed pea version because it tastes smoother and lighter. 

Also, I made the easiest and tastiest macaroni salad ever.

Whole wheat pasta, chopped shredded carrots, chopped onions, chopped celery, liberal dosage of dijon mustard, a little fat-free mayo, salt, pepper, seasonings, and a handful of shredded cheese. 

Mix and let sit overnight so flavors can meld. Serve with grilled items when husband only knows how to cook meat when he "makes dinner". 

Got a new haircut for summer, which I am enjoying. This is the straight version, but the miracle is, I have finally learned to master a curling iron. I love my hair everyday now. 

Also, my pets are awesome. Follow me on Instagram if you would like to see a million pictures of Abby. 

She made a friend at the park yesterday. They were adorable.

5% gone, baby, gone

I have lost 5% of my body weight since joining WW in March. It's not coming off as fast as I would like -- a little more discipline and monitoring would change that pretty quickly -- but it IS coming off. Woohoo!!

Anchors (away)

(Abigail in her kennel picture at 8 weeks, playing with her red bear (long since destroyed) when she was still growing into her ears, and the pretty dog she is at a year old.)

(Last week when she came back from the groomers. Her coat is as soft as it looks!)

I'm pretty sure I told you guys we got a puppy last July, right?** Abigail (Abby for short) has grown into a sweet, cuddly, lively doggie, and my life is so much richer for her presence. I've always thought I was more of a cat person than a dog one, but my baby girl is making me re-think that stance.

**(Oh yes, I did. In great photographic detail. Puppy pictures!)

Now that it is warmer out and the days are longer, we've been taking Abby to the dog park more often. She's definitely my husband's dog (especially since he was her primary caretaker last summer while he was off work and she was becoming housebroken and trained and just learning how to be a dog), but in the last few weeks, it's become more of a thing that Abby and I do together. We go a couple of times a day on the weekends, but even after work during the week it's become a common event. I get home and I'm tired and upset after work -- there's a lot of meanness and anxiety there these days -- and when this bundle of love comes flying at me for hugs and kisses, it makes the harshness of the day melt away. I get changed into casual clothes and walking sneakers, put the park pass around my neck, and off we go.

It's a good form of exercise for both of us; my torn tendon/fallen arches don't allow me to walk very fast, but of course all she wants to do is run out her puppy energy. On a leash, it's a constant battle between tempos; at the park, we each go at our own pace and get the workout we each need. We run, walk, and play fetch (I am often the one fetching the ball, sad to say); we get fresh air and sunshine and lots of water; we socialize with other dogs and their owners. It's pretty great for both of us. 

On the downside, taking her to the park means I skip a trip to the pool, and I am not in the mood to prepare anything elaborate (ie raw and in need of basic cooking) for dinner.  So it's PB&J, or a salad from the grocery store, or we order something delivered. It's barely on plan, I'm definitely not getting as much exercise as I would at the gym, and overall I've been beating myself up pretty badly over that. 

Yesterday at my WW meeting, we covered a topic that made me realize I've been doing it all wrong.

Our leader, Mark, asked us, "When you are feeling overwhelmed, what makes you feel better?" I shot my hand up in the air -- because of course, my answer was Abby.

Then he asked us to think about the following questions (cribbed from the WW weekly pamphlet, hope there's not any copyright issues!):
1. What's your trouble spot? (A situation where you struggle to avoid overeating.)
2. How do you want to feel in that situation?
3. Now conjure up a past time when you had those positive feelings and you totally nailed it.
4. Now pick your anchor (anything that reminds you of that time).
5. Make the positive connection.
6. Practice using it as a defense.


My answers started off easy:
1. My trouble spot is making dinner when I am tired.
2. When I am in my trouble spot, I want to feel comforted and taken care of.
3. The time I felt comforted/taken care of was...hunh, when I take Abby to the dog park after work.
4. My anchor is...Abby.

At that point, it dawned on me that maybe I already WAS using Abby as my anchor, but it was time to reframe the way I thought about it. Instead of feeling like not going to the gym and making healthy dinner was a FAILURE, maybe I should re-frame it so I feel good about getting outside and spending time with my dog (and husband, he comes with us too sometimes, LOL) after a rotten day. I should enjoy the sun on my face and throwing the ball and watching Abby race after it, ears flapping and her legs pumping. Afterward, just get a nice salad from the new grocery store around the corner and enjoy it. I don't have to cook all of our meals in order to eat healthy, and the pool will be there on a rainy day or the weekend.

I know it seems like a simple idea, but to me it was a game-changer. I'm still going to do the same things I was last week, but going forward I'm not going to make myself feel badly about it. Doing so will help me make better choices at the salad bar, too -- if I'm not feeling guilty and down on myself, I'm less likely to add in a hunk of bread or extra croutons or that full-fat mayo pasta salad. 

Me and my doggy, we got plans for the summer. Oh yes, we do.

She's as excited about it as I am. Yay!

Sunday musings

We must all be in nesting mode because the pre meeting topic among the members is grocery shopping and cooking. I think we are all hitting the store after meeting today. Lol! 

If I had posted my weight last week from my personal scale I would have shown an increase of 3 pounds after the stomach flu incident. I earned those just on my weekend in michigan! I ended up losing a pound and a half this week but overall I did gain 1.4 pounds since my last official weigh in. Which is fine with me - 8.6 pounds down! 

Meeting start. See you later! 

Sunday musings, weight-less edition

No meeting this week since the center is closed for Easter. (Happy Easter, you guys!)

I'll have to catch a meeting this week, although it looks like the only evening meetings are Wednesday and Thursday. I could use a couple of extra days before the next weigh-in anyway.

It's been an unusual week. Went to western Michigan for a quick trip Sunday and Monday, where I ate well and didn't worry too much about tracking.

 But of course, as these things go, I then had a tough time getting back ON track once I got back to work and my regular routines. There wasn't any food in the house and I wasn't inclined to cook. I didn't even get to the pool!

But that's the way it goes, sometimes. Just as long as one week doesn't stretch into two...

So today I did a lot of Sunday cooking, using up all the yummy ham I picked up in Michigan. (Drier's makes the best ham. I only ever buy it and eat it from there. Forced moderation!)

I made:
-ham salad with pickle relish and lowfat mayo
-cauliflower-ham casserole (from this recipe at Kalyn's Kitchen)
-quiche with ham, swiss, green onion and mustard (from my basic quiche/frittata recipe, I just used up the extra ingredients from the casserole plus mustard; I inspired myself with this recipe from a few years back)
-roasted Brussels sprouts
-sweet-and-spicy candied pecans (for fun and salads)
-cut up red bell peppers
-cut up strawberries

Here was Hubby's plate tonight: 

I'm not actually very fond of spring foodstuffs -- summer and fall foods appeal to me much more -- but I think I did pretty good this week. Brussels sprouts, green onions, ham, and strawberries all made it onto my plate.

And I am pretty sure I am going to over ham by the time this week is done. Won't need any more for a loooooong while!

Sunday musings

Stomach flu is not the way I want to lose weight but it is frighteningly effective. I was down a lot but put a little back on before meeting. Still down 3 pounds. Let's see if I keep it off.

Time for the meeting then a quick trip to Michigan with a girlfriend. Shopping, gambling, eating and drinking. Good thing it's just overnight! 

Meeting musings

Well I had that loss that you don't actually deserve. You know the one I mean, where you didn't have a good week and didn't get in all the exercise you wanted and still the scale went down. I mean I wasn't totally bad; it was really only yesterday that went off the rails. But today is a new day and the start of the new week so maybe it won't catch up with me next week. 

But if it does I will know why it happened. 

Heh this weeks topic is: Is It Worth It? Timely!! 

Three Nice Things

1. I skipped swimming yesterday because I was tired and just wanted to go home. I felt like I got a nice break, like when your boss sends you home an hour early just because you work hard and she wants to thank you for that. You know and she knows you'll be back tomorrow, but you enjoy and appreciate the extra bit of time to yourself.

In other words, yesterday was nice but it's a pool day today. And I'm looking forward to it.

2. I'm only 5 pounds down but my pants are starting to fall off my hips. I'm blaming the stretch material of the Gap straight legs, but I do think some of it is the swimming already paying off. It's a nice problem to have.

3. My friend Jessie passed down some of her old clothes (some of which were mine to start with, we pass clothes back and forth as we go down -- or up, in my case -- the scale). She included a cute striped Gap sweater she got from Twice.com, and as an XL it fits nicely already. Yay!

P.S. I am prepping the recipe post for the blackeyed peas salad and Babchi's sauce. Should be up in a couple of days!

And so it begins

That was the title of my Instagram post this morning. It was a photo the WW Simple Start brochure.

Yes, I started Weight Watchers again this morning. I'm not sure if I will post much here about it, but I wanted to mark the occasion with a date, a weight, and the reasons why.

Date: March 16, 2014

Weight: 239.8

Why:

1. I turned 46 a couple of days ago. When I roll that number around in my head, all I can think is, "Boy, that's close to 50." And I don't want to be this weight, this uncomfortable with my body, when I am 50. So I need to start working on it now because it's going to take a while.

2. My 25th college reunion is May 2015, next year. I went to my 25th high school reunion a couple of years ago at this weight, and while I made a good show of it, I was miserable. There were only 2 of us who had gotten big, everyone else was still looking trim and healthy. I don't want to go through that again.

3. I'm tired of only wearing black pants and long sweaters. I want to wear dresses again!

4. I'm tired of being this size. 

So it's time to get going on this. I'm ready, and that's half the battle.

I miss you guys!

I miss my chin

This is an email conversation I had with my friend Jessie this morning.

Me: I am considering a blog entry too -- one of the nice things about Google Chrome is that now it carries over all my bookmarks from home to here. so I have the links I need to write one. The problem is the content I want to write is pretty Debbie Downer so I am not sure I should write it. Or maybe pull one of those no-comment moves, because I don't really want anyone chiming in. Even though I hate when people do that. 
Ugh. 

Jessie: Debbie Downer in the self-esteem department? Everyone gets to have no more than seven (7) of those days per annum. I don't think you've used up your allotment this year. 
Or are you Debbie Downer in just a life-in-general way?

Me: Hahaha, I may just include that HR-benefits joke into the post. 
Self-esteem. I am feeling very fat, I miss my chin and my hands, but I don't know that I am at the tipping point to do anything about it or if I just want to complain about it and magically wish it away. 

Jessie: At least you recognize that Magical Golf Cart Wishing* is a stage that is separate from doing something about it. I think that's a big and pivotal difference between you and other folks.

I really understand, and I think that you really understand the difference between having Debbie Downer feelings and wallowing for far longer than is actually productive. I think the people who enjoy reading your blog also have negative feelings or feel defeated, and even if you don't let them comment (you drama queen, yuk yuk wokka wokka), you'll be surprised by how many folks will understand and/or give you feedback like, "Even if you're feeling super cruddy, the way that you tackle every day with confidence and humor is very inspirational."

For example, I would say that.

++++++

*Magical Golf Cart Thinking came about a few years ago when a group of us went for a brisk walk through a nearby forest preserve. After about a half-hour of walking, a few people started grumbling about wishing for someone to come on by with a golf cart to pick us up and take us the rest of the way. Now it's become short-hand among my friends (okay, mostly Jessie, WINKIE) for the easy shortcut that does the work for us.

++++++

Jessie, by the way, is blogging (or boogerin', as we like to joke) over at We Need Your Help And/Or Pies, where you can read her special blend of wokka-wokka humor and genuine enthusiasm, thoughtfulness, smarts, and all-around awesomeness as she travels on her own weight-loss journey (and very successfully too, I must add). She is also a recent convert to Gwynnie Bee; someday I may convince her to post an outfit photo or two! (OMG, SHE DID!!!!)

She has left the Magical Golf Cart far behind her these days. It's pretty great to see.

++++++

Anyway. Back to the problem at hand: my hands. And my chin, singular. I miss them. I look down at the back of my hand and I don't recognize it anymore. Where are my tendons? I look at my outfit photos and pick the one to post not that has the most flattering outfit presentation but doesn't show the triple-chin explosion as much. 

Some days I don't have any photos that I want to post at all.

I tried reading Fat Acceptance blogs, and most days I am okay with how I look, but in the end...I don't want to be fat forever. I don't know if there's a "skinny" girl busting to get out of me, but I don't want to live the rest of my life like *this* either. 

Which brings me to my next problem: how do I get rid of all this extra weight? There are so many plans and options, and I have tried and failed at many of them. The craziest was Medifast, but of course that was the one that I lost the most. LoseIt, Weight Watchers, just trying eating less, that weight-loss challenge we did at work...even my doctor's come-to-Jesus talk last year didn't spur me into action. (Speaking of which, I have been putting off my annual physical to avoid THAT conversation. Can't do that for much longer!) 

I think I know what I want to do, but I don't want to verbalize yet -- because I don't think I can handle another public failure. And as much I like blogging and I appreciate everyone who reads and leaves helpful, funny, and/or encouraging comments, I am always aware of how public this is, and how embarrassing it is to fail in front of people. All I need to do is look at my tags some days and see all the failed diets and resolutions and dreams. Ugh.

And yet -- all that self-pity and dislike, and I am still not sure I am at the tipping point. Seems amazing, doesn't it? Seriously, I haven't hit rock bottom yet? 

No, I haven't. 

I know that I need to do something, and I am pretty sure I know how I want to do it. I just don't know yet that I WANT to do it. And that's the piece I cannot succeed without. 

So I am kind of hanging out at the edge of the cliff, peering out from time to time, watching my friends strapping into their gear and rapelling down the rocks. I wave to my other friends already at the bottom. I'm happy for all of them, and I cheer them on with genuine enthusiasm. 

But I still want that Magic Golf Cart to get me to the bottom of the cliff. I know it can't; I know that the real success in getting to the bottom of the cliff is in doing it myself, with my own sweat and hard work and commitment. 

Right now, that thought exhausts me. 

But some day soon, I hope it won't. That will be my tipping point day.

Until then, my chins and I will be here.

+++++

Comments on, because I don't want to turn them off and be a drama queen, but truly, I am not looking for a pep talk. I just wanted to write this out, get it off my chest. 

A Gift for Yourself

I was going to suggest a few last-minute gifts but since most have to be ordered online, they're probably too late for Christmas. However, New Years comes right after that, and if you have been putting off starting your own "foodstyle", maybe buying yourself one of these will help inspire you to kick your New Year's Resolutions off right!

1. Get a cool lunch box.

I got mine from Laptop Lunches. I actually bought an extra set of inserts too, which is so helpful on the days when I am too lazy to wash everything out in time. Plus I have twice as many colors!

These are great for portion control and variety; with so many sizes and shapes, you can fit just about anything you like to eat in there, and they work great for bringing lunch and snacks. Look at all the ideas for filling them here!

2. Get a cool lunch box, v2.0

The Mr Bento is from Amazon. It's great for soups and liquids, perfect for cold weather lunches. Two of the containers can be used for hot or cold, and the top two are better for snacks and dry goods. So the bottom one is usually yogurt and fruit, the next is soup or leftovers, the next is clementines or a slice of bread with cheese, and the last is almonds or grapes.

$40 may seem like a lot for a lunch box, but I've have both of mine for two years already, and they are both going strong.

3. Replenish your spice cabinet

Spices only last for a year before they lose their flavor, but I have the worst time remembering when I bought them and if it's time for them to be replaced. I restock on flour and sugar at Thanksgiving, and this year I'm going to start replenishing my spices for New Years.

And that means Penzey's, people. Penzey's.

It's a Wisconsin/Illinois company, but you can order online from anywhere. Everything is fresh, and the clean look of the bottles will make you want to cook more, I swear. After several years of trial and error, these are our staples:

Northwoods Seasoning -- adds a layered kick to everything, from chicken to roasted veggies to soup
4/S Seasoned Salt -- for grilled meats especially
Chicago Steak Seasoning -- the only thing we ever put on steak
Italian Herb Seasoning -- that and some basil is all I need for my tomato sauce
Krakow Nights -- we add it to sauteed cabbage and mushrooms, like the good Polacks we are
Greek Seasoning -- my favorite in the summer on chopped cucumbers and feta

I also order the pure spices and herbs like chipotle, cumin, bay leaves, cinnamon, dried minced onion, garlic, celery flakes, rosemary, French thyme, and red pepper flakes for Hubby's pizza. But for starter cooks, the seasonings are all you need; Penzey's know how to blend everything perfectly. You can buy all different sizes too, so if you just want to sample something, get the 1-2 oz. jar. At this point, I buy 4-oz bags to refill my existing jars. Whatever works!

And spices DO work. They are my secret weapon of cooking; I just buy basic meats or veggies, douse them with olive oil, kosher salt, and a seasoning, and cook it up. Everything tastes so good, I never miss the butter, sauces, gravies, etc.

4. Get a cool lunch box, v3.0

Okay, maybe I'm the only who wants that one. Just like the one I had when I was a kid!

Mark Bittman also had a list of gift ideas for the non-cook. I would LOVE to offer shopping lessons to several of my co-workers, either for clothes or for groceries.

As for me, this is shaping up to be a Cooking Christmas. We already got a Farberware percolator, and our coffee has never tasted better. Plus, I get the daily nostalgia trip when I wash out the grinds and the pot! Flashbacks to Acorn Lane... :) I am also hoping to get a new smaller crockpot, a local soup cookbook, new set of colored cutting boards (to separate veggies from meat), and a new spice rack.

What are you hoping for under your tree?

Animal, Vegetable, Kristen

Saturday was busy! First up was a lovely yoga session at Millenium Park downtown. Both Jessie and I were dragging ass to get there, but I am so glad we did; our favorite hippy-dippy instructor from last year was back! She's amazing; her routines are all about breathing and reaching to the sky and rooting yourself in the earth like a tree, but about halfway through you realize you are sweating your brains out and pushing your body harder than you would think from her manner and language. "Namaste, you guys! Awesome!" is her catchphrase. I love her.

Then we headed out west to pick up Babyfriend's mother and grandmother to go to the Oak Park farmer's market. Oak Park is great because there are lots of heirloom breeds of everything, plus cinnamon-sugar donuts and roasted corn cooked right at the market. I had one of each. :)

The skies opened up in the middle of our trip.







There was not a baby in that stroller. :)




It was even coming down between the cracks in the tent. Didn't let up for about 15 minutes. I bought some cippolini onions to pass the time. (And melon, and blackberries, and new potatoes, and red wine vinegar with garlic...)

Lunch was at Marion Street Cheese Market, where all the ingredients are purchased locally. It was stunningly good. There was roasted garlic soup with rutabega that I would kill to eat again, and a grilled cheese sandwich with 4 kinds of cheeses and a seeded wheat bread that fulfilled all my expectations.

Later that night, Hubby and I tried to go to the rooftop bar (Tabitha, it's at Old Orchard and called the Rooftop Bar at Wilde & Greene), but it was closed because the rain had been so bad all afternoon. Instead we went to Bonefish Grill, where we had a brilliant idea; since we weren't very hungry (and I had indulged at MSCM for lunch), we each ordered a drink and an appetizer (sashimi for him, wagyu beef and ginger dumplings for me). Hit the spot perfectly.

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Art display from the top of the Art Institute downtown.




Same shot using a fisheye setting.

Sunday was more topsy-turvy; after some yogurt, berries and cereal, I had to go into work to finish a critical project (ugh!). There may have been some peanut M&Ms during work. After that I stopped at McD's for a cheeseburger on the road. We made up for it with dinner, as Hubby grilled all of our favorites: plums, corn, onions, zucchini, and mushroom brats for him, wild-caught salmon burger for me. 

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Two books in rotation currently for me are Mark Bittman's Food Matters and Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. I finished AVM this weekend, and had a long talk with Hubby about it. Both books are about the "slow food" movement, the idea of moving away from convenience foods back to whole, homecooked meals. AVM covers one family's year of eating only locally-grown foods; most of what they ate they grew themselves on their farm, which of course is ridiculous for us. I can't even keep a basil plant alive.

That said, I can find a lot of locally-grown foods; Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan have many small farms around, many of which are part of either the farmer's markets in every town or are in a CSA (community-supported agriculture) association. We got a CSA box for a few years but the amounts were too much for us, and there were too many things we don't like. Farmer's markets (and Whole Foods) are better for our lifestyle because we can control the amount and types of foods we buy. There is also a local chicken store. Chicken! And eggs, and turkey, and all kinds of good stuff. (Hubby hates the smell of the place, but I don't mind. Fresh, free-range, no-hormone chicken, cut up anyway I like. I'm in!)

We've already started incorporating more local foods into our diet this summer, but now it will be more of a concerted effort. Kingsolver talks a lot about reducing one's carbon footprint (your food doesn't use as much oil to travel as far) but for me, the reasons for doing so are more selfish.  Eating locally forces us to eat more seasonally, to select foods that are available NOW and are at their freshest, and most delicious. We already do a lot of this, just from my years on Core:
-salads, peas, asparagus, and strawberries in spring
-zucchini, corn, new potatoes, cherries, berries, melons in summer
-pumpkin, squash, potatoes and Brussels sprouts in fall

Winter is tougher, of course; Kingsolver canned, froze, and pickled their summer bounty to get them through the winter. That's way beyond anything I am prepared to do. But we can continue with many of the fall veggies that are still available through the leaner months, and will probably indulge in my beloved citrus then (navel oranges!!!).

The slow food movement also pushes us to stop our reliance on processed foods. Again, we've already been moving in that direction; fast food has become an infrequent stopgap instead of a daily one. That stop at McD's was the first in weeks! Most days, cut up oranges and berries have replaced the candy bar on my desk. I am hoping in the next couple of weeks I can convince my husband to try homemade pizza for dinner; he used to make a great one when we first got married.

I am also ordering Deborah Madison's Local Foods. Her Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone cookbook is amazing, even for a devoted meat-eater like me.

But mostly, it's about continuing to move in the direction we are already going: more vegetables and fruits, less processed foods, balanced and healthy meals.  And getting as much of that as we can from local vendors.

What about you? Do you try to eat locally? Any great tips to share?

Make One Small Change, revisited

About 3 weeks ago, I decided to make one small change and start eating salads for dinner. I didn't do salad every night, but I kept dinners small: soups, sandwiches, when we did order takeout, I ate half as much as I would have. A couple of weeks later, this has snowballed into my joining Weight Watchers again, with a fridge full of veggies and fruit, and the desire to stop eating out all the time.

Not all small changes turn into something bigger, but many of them can and do stick. Splurgie posted about some of the small changes she made years ago that have stayed changed. I loved that post, and decided to do one of my own; it's a good reminder that every diet I have been on has permanently changed my eating habits in unexpected ways.

1. I made the switch from diet soda all day long to water. My skin cleared up, my headaches vanished, and my anxiety dropped to almost none. Now I can't have any caffeine after my morning coffee or I am up for hours. I also almost never had any soda at all anymore, caffeine-free or not. This switch is going strong 17 years after it began, courtesy of WW#1.

2. The daily cup of skim milk that used to be poured into my morning coffees were replaced by two ice cubes to cool it down. 2 years and counting, courtesy of Medifast#1.

3. I must have breakfast or I eat way too much all day long trying to eliminate the hunger. 2 years, Medifast #1.

4. That breakfast must contain protein, or I need a mid-morning snack (and I never make good choices when I do). My mom also just got me in the habit of adding a few pieces of fruit along with my breakfast; today's is a whole-wheat waffle with peanut butter and a slice of canteloupe. Current diet, 2011.

5. When I am eating light at a restaurant, it is often better to pick small appetizers or from the fish section than to get a salad. The salads now have more fats and calories than the actual entrees, in many cases. 5 years, courtesy of WW Core.

I have others that I know instinctively to turn on when I am eating right, but when I am not in that mindset I ignore them. Those are permanent changes like these are. Someday, though!


What small changes have you kept over the years?

Going up in size is not the end of the world

There was a thread yesterday on one of my fashion forums where a member was despairing about how she was looking lately, having been through a bad illness and unable to work out. I felt for her anxiety, and I recognized a painful truth that I have been through, several times over. This was my comment to her:

I have been up and down the scale over the years, and I guarantee you this: if you are really, really not able to find anything in your closet that you like, if everything you put on makes you think terrible thoughts about yourself and disparage yourself in awful ways, then you probably need to look at your clothing size honestly and go up one.

Last summer was probably the worst I have ever felt about myself and my weight, and it started to permeate all the parts of my life. My unhappiness was poisoning me. Finally I went up a size, looked at myself again in clothes that fit my body, and suddenly I didn't look as awful as I thought I looked. I'm not the weight I want to be, but I like how I look again -- I like ME again -- and that makes all the difference in the world.

Just my experience! Good luck, and be kind to yourself.

Since I've had this blog, I've lost 60 pounds, and I've gained it all back. I'm not where I want to be, but I like how I look -- again. I skimmed through my archives just now to find a link to an outfit that was ill-fitting from the summer, and all the unhappiness and discomfort came flying right back to me as I looked at all of those pictures of me on my sunny patio. This was probably the worst of them, but all of those dresses were not fitting right all through July. It wasn't until I made the switch to pants in early September that I started to feel right again, when I bit the bullet and started buying tops and pants that fit my actual body, not the one I wanted to be.

I've just gone through a similar rejuvenation again; I had pants and sweaters that fit, but all my cold-weather layering tops and blouses were too snug. So every day this last month was a struggle to get dressed; my option were either something tight or too low at the chest (hello, that's not the manufacturer's fault, that means it doesn't fit), or too sheer or light for the freezing temps. The retail therapy of the last few weeks has re-energized my closet and has made me enjoy the way I look in my outfits again. Because THEY FIT.

I don't want them to fit forever; eventually I will be back into the boxes and cedar closets of my smaller clothes in the basement. But that's the long-term goal. The short-term goal is to like myself every day, to accept and appreciate the good parts of me. There are too many other stressors in my life right now to let a negative self-image get piled on top of those and just make everything even worse. I am who I am, and while I am capable of great change, I also need to accept who I am when I am stagnant too.

If that means a XL shirt so I don't cry in front of the mirror, so be it. It's not the end of the world, you know?

Have any of you ever experienced a similar revelation? How did you handle it?

Week 4 wrap-up thoughts: Dieting version

I will put together my wrap-up thoughts after the end of the 30-in-30 Challenge tomorrow, but I wanted to reflect briefly on my latest week on Medifast, and dieting in general.

1. I did cross the 10-pound mark this week, and despite my declarations earlier, I do feel damned good about it. How three weeks can change one's perspective! And how 10 pounds really can make a difference. I hate when I forget that, but it's great to be reminded. I can feel the loss in my pants for sure, and there have been some very heartfelt and kind comments here on the blog and at work about how the loss is visible in my face and elsewhere.

2. I'm not perfect this time on MF, but I am sticking with it and it's working. Like I said a couple of weeks ago, the thing I am trying to teach myself this go-around is moderation. As the saying goes, everything in moderation including moderation. So I may have a little extra at one meal, or allow myself an indulgent meal or a glass of wine sometimes, but only in moderation. I don't let it derail me from my next bar for my next meal, and I don't allow it to happen every day. I am too good at convincing myself I deserve a special treat all the time, and that's the main habit I need to break. I'm working on it.

3. I think that's how I'm going to continue in Vegas; to do a modified 4-and-2 or 5-and-1 depending on the day, and to decide meal to meal if it's one where I will stick close to Lean & Green or if it's one I might have a little bit more. Moderation!

4. 10 pounds in a month! It's weird because I am both happy and a little disappointed; I don't know that I had an actual number in my head that I thought I could lose during this 30-day challenge, but I did think I might be down a size by the end of it. I'm not there, and that's a little disappointing. I know it wasn't realistic, but sometimes the heart doesn't listen to the brain, you know? On the other hand, it has made me realize that I was BUSTING out of my current size at the beginning of this, and so maybe I'm not being fair to myself in using the pants as a gauge -- because if I had been honest with myself I would have been buying a bigger one to begin with. So now I fit in what I own, and they are getting looser every day. That is worth being happy about.

5. Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back. I went looking through some older posts this morning to find some thinky-thought links. That's a mistake. It's really, REALLY hard to look back and see myself at goal and know that I didn't stay there. That I ate and ate and ate, without any kind of moderation or brakes, that I talked a good game about trying new challenges but in the end dropping them without any real success, continuing to eat and justify every overloaded calorie as a treat I had "earned", until I put it all back on and have to do it again.

I'm doing my best not to self-flagellate about it too much, and to just get it together and get it off again, but I won't lie, it's hard not to blame myself sometimes. I'm trying my best to spin into a positive, and to look forward to getting back into those super-cute outfits from last year. And that is working too. Positive self-talk can do miraculous things if you let it.

And those are my thoughts this week. :)

Week 1
Week 2
Week 3

30 in 30 Challenge: Day 3

After a couple of days of neutrals, it was time for a blast of color.



I don't know what inspired me to try these two together, but I liked it. The Kohls sweater has turned out to be a versatile workhorse, and the burgundy/rust color goes with just about everything!



Hee, I love how I went from wearing it with a safe coordinating colors like the grey tie-dyed to the last few choices with teals and this marigold/mustard (is that the right name for it?). Hmm, I might be repeating that brown combo this month; that one is still my favorite.

The marigold Gap top is also turning out to be a fun one. I'm definitely replacing that top button to a gold one so it stands out less. I will also like it better once my belly shrinks down a bit and it hangs better at the bottom.

The rest of the outfit is your basic black NYDJ ponte skinnies, black Naturalizer booties, and as I am trying to stay simple this week, just this one multi-stone necklace from a local jeweler. It's a bit of a statement piece so I wear it sparingly. But I liked how the greens and the length of it played among the marigold ruffles.



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In dieting news, I hit sweet, sweet fat-burning ketosis yesterday, my third day back on Medifast. The headache, mild nausea, and constant hunger all vanished, and now even the little bars satisfy me for a "meal". Once you get there on Medifast, the plan becomes much easier to follow; the hardest part here on out is resisting the temptations of tradition and emotional attachment to food. If I go off-plan at this point, it is usually not because I am hungry but because I am at a holiday dinner bursting with tradition and expectations, or I am stressed and don't have a non-eating coping mechanism, or even just a simple outing with friends where we normally eat and drink without thinking about it.

To prepare for that, I have a few strategies:
1. Eliminate most of the temptation upfront. Hubby and I are doing this together again, and so neither one of us is egging the other on when we get home and are stressed and exhausted and ready to order pizza and beer. I've cut back on my social obligations with friends for a couple of weeks, and when I do have them I will try to set up non-restaurant-based outings. The leftover Halloween candy got dumped into the work bowl a week ago, and I am about to clean out my pantry to donate a bunch of stuff to our local food bank.

2. Have emergency backup plans. I keep a bar or two in my purse just in case I get caught in traffic or out and about where I might miss a meal. I forgot that on Day 2 -- I had a hot cocoa for the afternoon but was in a meeting and could not prepare it -- but I won't do that again!

3. Make my choices about holiday events BEFORE I get there. I just booked a trip to see my ailing aunt and her family in Tucson for Thanksgiving, and I know there will be a big feast. But as much as I love 'em, their traditions are not mine and so I'm going to stick to plan while there. I'm doing a lot of the cooking anyway so I will prepare extra veggies, and I'm pretty picky about my stuffing and potatoes so they should be easy to pass up.
On the other hand, I am also spending a week in Vegas at Christmas with my parents. I'm still deciding what I will do then; a lot of it depends on how well my weight loss is going. Success breeds success, as you know!

4. Gaze adoringly/longingly at my dress closet. I am coming back to you soon, girls!

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I got a few questions about Medifast in comments on other entries; if you guys have any more please leave 'em here and I will do a separate follow-up Q&A post about it!

Medifast: What I Eat

My food for the next 30 days

For curiosity and posterity's sakes, I photographed a day of meals that I eat on Medifast. I've gotten a lot of questions about it over the years, from offline and online friends, so since I was kickstarting the 30-in-30 Challenge and going back on Medifast on the same day, it seemed like an idea whose time has come. Not to worry, this is a one-time thing! I don't have the time or patience to do it again.

Anyway, the first thing you do is pick out your 5 food items of the day. I like to mix it up so there is a drink, a soup and some bars. The bars are the most tasty but they give you serious gas and stomach gurglings so having 5 all day turns my stomach into its own marching band complete with tuba and drums.

My picks for the first day. No real selection plan involved; I like all the foods I ordered and I like never having the same 5 items in a day.



In the morning I put a kettle of water on to make the chai latte and to prepare the chili for lunch. The thing to remember about the packets is that it is dehydrated food; if you want it to taste like real food, you need to rehydrate it. Some people "soak" the soup overnight, but I don't find that necessary. This one-minute preparation does it perfectly.

1. Put soup in thermos.
2. Pour boiling water into thermos. (It works from the hot-water spigot on a work coffee machine too. I am SUPER lazy sometimes!)
3. Seal thermos and shake vigorously for a minute until there are no lumps. Reseal and take to work. At lunchtime I will have tasty, still-warm, chewy chili!



7-8am: Meal #1
I make my chai latte. Again, this is dehyrated food, and there's a lot of protein in it which makes it a lumpy mess that can be hard to mix. The best process I have found is this:

1. Pour dry packet into mug and pour in just enough water to make a paste. Stir until you get a shiny, unlumpy paste.
2. Pour in the rest of the water and mix together. You can also use coffee, like I did here. Mmmm.




10am: Meal #2


(Added pen for size.)

Mmm, the caramel nut bar is my favorite. But it is a "maintenance" bar meaning there are more calories in it than the others so you can only have one per day. There are days I look forward to this damned bar for hours.

12n: Meal #3



AAAAAAARRRRRGGHHH!!!!! I made a rookie mistake with the chili and forgot it needs MUCH less water added than the soups. I don't have chili, I have (soy) Meat Soup. UGH.

I am hungry and not about to call it quits so I eat it anyway, and I curse my stupidity. Tomorrow I am having chicken noodle!

2pm: Meal #4



Mmmm, lemon meringue! A lot of the MF meals/bars are chocolate-y so I like to order some fruit-flavored ones to break it up. The lemon has a nice bright taste and the crunchy bits wipes the last of the Meat Soup disaster out of my mouth.


4pm: Meal #5



I am so freakin' hungry on my first day I actually chomped down on almost half of the chocolate mint bar before I remembered I was supposed to take a photo of it. HA!

6:30pm: Lean & Green meal



Hallelujah, it's time for real food. (The first week of MF sucks. Once I hit ketosis I will be much more intense, but for those first few days I am watching the clock waiting for my next meal time to arrive. It's not pretty.)

A Lean & Green consists of 3 servings of vegetables (1/2 cup each, lettuce is a cup each) and a 5-7 oz piece of meat depending on the type. You get 2 Healthy Fat servings and your pick of a specific condiment list. The list of approved veggies and meats is strict, to keep your carb count down, but there is still quite a bit to choose from. But we are lazy and we're not great cooks so we tend to stick with a few favorite meals, and a great big salad is one of those. Hubby grills up chicken breasts for us with Penzey's seasonings, and then we go to town filling up our bowls with veggies. A one-bowl meal is easiest because we weigh everything, even the lettuce.

This one is butter lettuce, alfalfa sprouts, red pepper strips, chicken breast and bleu cheese crumbles, with two tablespoons of dressing. They changed the rules on the dressings and the one we had is no longer on the list. Will have to shop around for low-carb dressings!



Mmmm. This is a favorite meal even when I am not dieting. Tomorrow will be my absolute favorite: a cup of spaghetti squash with half-cup of tomato sauce and turkey meatballs. My diet version of pasta which I have come to like even better than real pasta!

8pm: Snack



We get one snack per day: dill pickles, sugar-free popsicle, or a handful of crackers. I like my nightly popsicle, but Hubby is a salt guy so he goes through a jar of pickles a week on Medifast.

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There you have it. It's pretty restrictive, no question, and not for the faint of heart. But it's easy to get into a good rhythm with it, and as you may have noticed all the photos during the day were taken at the same spot at my desk. If I'm going to be stuck there for 9 hours at a stretch, it's a lot better for me to be eating regimented foods than the crap I have been eating. So, onward!