The Snowball Effect

Babyfriend and I have the same taste in shoe color.

About a month ago, inspired by my buddy Helen, I decided to join a team weight loss thing --although mine is at my fancy gym. I hadn't been there in months and months, and I wanted to try going again but I didn't know how to start. The promotion is 90-Day Challenge from August 3 to November 3. There is an optional weekly weigh-in (or just weigh in at the beginning and end), and the option to sign up for an extra 10,000-Steps-A-Day Challenge, which I did. There's huge prizes for the winner (it's a nationwide contest since it's a nationwide gym), but the biggest enticement for me was Try It Tuesdays. Every Tuesday there is a free class, sometimes about food but most of it are sample classes in TRX, yoga, pilates, treadmill/cardio, etc. Here was my perfect opportunity to get into a gym routine AND to try exercises I never would on my own! The timing was not good initially -- I was headed for vacation, but I had to go for it.

So I did.

I weighed in, took a godawful "before" picture in a sports bra and shorts (I kind of hope I don't win just so I never have to show anyone that picture) and promptly left town.

Had a super-awesome vacation (which I will post pics of soon). But I was proud of myself there -- I didn't just shut down the whole Getting Skinny project because I was out of town. I tracked my food and drink every day, and I made smart choices and ate tons of fresh, local-grown fruits and veggies, and I tried hard to get as many steps as I could. I even went to a WW meeting during the week!

And laid on the beach for a day.

I felt great about it, and I met all my goals. I made the 10K target 4 out of 7 days, I lost a pound and a half, and I had an awesome, awesome vacation with my husband and friends (and Abby).

Then it was back to work, where I was promptly felled by the flu. The one day I stayed home sick, my Fitbit counted 1,054 steps for the WHOLE DAY. From bed to bathroom to kitchen to bed, hahaha. Luckily it cleared up after a couple of days.

This week is my first full week without vacation or sickness -- and my husband went out of town with his brother for the week. So while it is not quite "back to normal" it's darned close.

As I am sure you are all worried, I am here to say that Abby and I are managing okay in my husband's absence. I went out to the Try It Tuesday class (a lesson about and *at* the grocery store, which..okay, actually I did learn that just as I use real butter and full-fat cheese I should probably eat more low-fat and regular yogurt too; I bought some lemon flavored Noosa to try) and put her back in the crate after our post-work dog park trip, so she was off her nightly routine and didn't realize that Hubby wasn't there and wasn't coming home until pretty late that night. I am sure there will be more pouting by the door tonight. She just lays next to it, and sadly rings the bells with one slow swipe of her paw. Chime, chime, where's Daddy? Chime, chime...I couldn't take it and took her upstairs to bed early. She was fine after that.

As for me, the cleaning ladies came yesterday, so I am doing my best to keep the house as spotless and unrumpled as when they left. The couch is still neatly stacked with pillows, half the bed is still made, and the kitchen counters are still empty. I'm going to see how long I can keep that up, just because I am a weirdo.

Not to jinx anything, but now that all my vacations are over and I am back to my regular work-a-day routines, my commitment to the 90-day challenge is starting to produce results. I've hit the 10K-step mark 5 days in a row, and for two of those I managed to get to the gym and figured out how to work the dumb treadmill.

I think I found a good way to get myself to do it -- if I don't make my 10K steps by 7pm, then I have to go to the gym and treadmill until they are done. If I can get my 10K in, I get a night off. So far the carrot/stick approach is working -- I'm a lot more conscious of how much I am moving/not moving during the day at the hospital, and I try to take Abby out for a long time and long walks in the park or around the neighborhood. If that fails, then I am getting in the habit of just popping over the gym and getting some sweat going.

Next Tuesday is a TRX class, which fills me with both dread and curiosity; there are only a couple of genuine fatties like me doing this challenge, so I feel pretty awkward and noticeable at the trial classes, but I am really grateful for the opportunity to just go and try out these things without having to commit to any of them. Yet. I'd love to find a couple of exercises from this that I can enjoy going forward. Once the challenge is over, the 10K thing won't be the main goal, and my hope is by then the habit of going to the gym several nights a week will be set, so mixing up my exercise routines and trying things other than walking will be the next adventure.

All in all, I am pretty happy with the way this is snowballing; I know myself, and incremental change that builds from one success at a time is how I change my habits best. I look back at myself a year ago -- I was hobbled from still-undiagnosed foot pain. I could barely get up the stairs! Then came the blessed appointment at the ortho, and a long, long winter of twice-a-week physical therapy, and then starting to take Abby to the dog park daily this spring, and then getting my Fitbit...and now I am finally at the point where walking 4-5 miles in a day doesn't cripple me for the rest of the week. Hell, I am starting to look forward to next week with Hubby's return so I can go to the gym even if I do make my steps! From my viewpoint of a year ago, it feels pretty damned miraculous that I got this far at all.

The competitive side of me is a little upset, I will admit. I've been watching the leaderboards for both challenges, and most of the people started out making their goals right on the first day. One person has already lost 11 pounds in three weeks! (I hate that person.) I have eased myself into it, because that's how I incorporate things into my habits. It's tough to see myself in the back of the pack on the scoreboard (the only people below me have already clearly dropped out) but I keep reminding myself that I just need to keep doing it.

Tortoise and the hare, tortoise and the hare.

Even if I don't win a prize, I definitely will have won.

The best selfie I have yet to take.

I miss my chin

This is an email conversation I had with my friend Jessie this morning.

Me: I am considering a blog entry too -- one of the nice things about Google Chrome is that now it carries over all my bookmarks from home to here. so I have the links I need to write one. The problem is the content I want to write is pretty Debbie Downer so I am not sure I should write it. Or maybe pull one of those no-comment moves, because I don't really want anyone chiming in. Even though I hate when people do that. 
Ugh. 

Jessie: Debbie Downer in the self-esteem department? Everyone gets to have no more than seven (7) of those days per annum. I don't think you've used up your allotment this year. 
Or are you Debbie Downer in just a life-in-general way?

Me: Hahaha, I may just include that HR-benefits joke into the post. 
Self-esteem. I am feeling very fat, I miss my chin and my hands, but I don't know that I am at the tipping point to do anything about it or if I just want to complain about it and magically wish it away. 

Jessie: At least you recognize that Magical Golf Cart Wishing* is a stage that is separate from doing something about it. I think that's a big and pivotal difference between you and other folks.

I really understand, and I think that you really understand the difference between having Debbie Downer feelings and wallowing for far longer than is actually productive. I think the people who enjoy reading your blog also have negative feelings or feel defeated, and even if you don't let them comment (you drama queen, yuk yuk wokka wokka), you'll be surprised by how many folks will understand and/or give you feedback like, "Even if you're feeling super cruddy, the way that you tackle every day with confidence and humor is very inspirational."

For example, I would say that.

++++++

*Magical Golf Cart Thinking came about a few years ago when a group of us went for a brisk walk through a nearby forest preserve. After about a half-hour of walking, a few people started grumbling about wishing for someone to come on by with a golf cart to pick us up and take us the rest of the way. Now it's become short-hand among my friends (okay, mostly Jessie, WINKIE) for the easy shortcut that does the work for us.

++++++

Jessie, by the way, is blogging (or boogerin', as we like to joke) over at We Need Your Help And/Or Pies, where you can read her special blend of wokka-wokka humor and genuine enthusiasm, thoughtfulness, smarts, and all-around awesomeness as she travels on her own weight-loss journey (and very successfully too, I must add). She is also a recent convert to Gwynnie Bee; someday I may convince her to post an outfit photo or two! (OMG, SHE DID!!!!)

She has left the Magical Golf Cart far behind her these days. It's pretty great to see.

++++++

Anyway. Back to the problem at hand: my hands. And my chin, singular. I miss them. I look down at the back of my hand and I don't recognize it anymore. Where are my tendons? I look at my outfit photos and pick the one to post not that has the most flattering outfit presentation but doesn't show the triple-chin explosion as much. 

Some days I don't have any photos that I want to post at all.

I tried reading Fat Acceptance blogs, and most days I am okay with how I look, but in the end...I don't want to be fat forever. I don't know if there's a "skinny" girl busting to get out of me, but I don't want to live the rest of my life like *this* either. 

Which brings me to my next problem: how do I get rid of all this extra weight? There are so many plans and options, and I have tried and failed at many of them. The craziest was Medifast, but of course that was the one that I lost the most. LoseIt, Weight Watchers, just trying eating less, that weight-loss challenge we did at work...even my doctor's come-to-Jesus talk last year didn't spur me into action. (Speaking of which, I have been putting off my annual physical to avoid THAT conversation. Can't do that for much longer!) 

I think I know what I want to do, but I don't want to verbalize yet -- because I don't think I can handle another public failure. And as much I like blogging and I appreciate everyone who reads and leaves helpful, funny, and/or encouraging comments, I am always aware of how public this is, and how embarrassing it is to fail in front of people. All I need to do is look at my tags some days and see all the failed diets and resolutions and dreams. Ugh.

And yet -- all that self-pity and dislike, and I am still not sure I am at the tipping point. Seems amazing, doesn't it? Seriously, I haven't hit rock bottom yet? 

No, I haven't. 

I know that I need to do something, and I am pretty sure I know how I want to do it. I just don't know yet that I WANT to do it. And that's the piece I cannot succeed without. 

So I am kind of hanging out at the edge of the cliff, peering out from time to time, watching my friends strapping into their gear and rapelling down the rocks. I wave to my other friends already at the bottom. I'm happy for all of them, and I cheer them on with genuine enthusiasm. 

But I still want that Magic Golf Cart to get me to the bottom of the cliff. I know it can't; I know that the real success in getting to the bottom of the cliff is in doing it myself, with my own sweat and hard work and commitment. 

Right now, that thought exhausts me. 

But some day soon, I hope it won't. That will be my tipping point day.

Until then, my chins and I will be here.

+++++

Comments on, because I don't want to turn them off and be a drama queen, but truly, I am not looking for a pep talk. I just wanted to write this out, get it off my chest. 

Internet Magpie: LowFatDressing edition

Things around the web that made me want to link and babble on.

1. Jif Natural peanut butter in to-go packets. Peanut butter is a food I will eat the entire contents of, no matter the size of the container. If it's a big jar, I will eat a big jar; if it's a small jar, I will eat that. (My husband has the same thing with chips.) It killed me to pay more for the packaging for these, but it works. I eat an entire to-go cup, and then stop.

It's not a stingy "100-calorie" cup, either; it's a good amount that leaves me satisfied, so I'm not digging through the cabinet to have a second one, (and a third and a fourth...). Just one is enough to make two PB&Js!

2. The Hairpin posted an amazing entry: Be Less Crazy About Weight. Some excerpts:

Our entire culture is freaking right the fuck out, in fact. An epidemic of stories about the obesity epidemic! Cookie Monster rapping about vegetables! Fat cats and skinny dogs, lying down together! The message is Way Too Many People Weigh Way Too Much And That’s A Problem. But I’m not sure that’s accurate. I think it’s more a symptom of what happens when a couple of powerful forces come together.

First, the world is currently overflowing with more mind-bendingly salty sweet awesome disgusting food than has ever been witnessed before in human history. This food we have is positively diabolical in its deliciousness! Engineered to be extra irresistible! Of course it is hard to resist! We are not used to it!

Second, the way we live leaves us feeling thin and stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. In between work and laundry and trying to have some fun, we barely have time to sleep, let alone confront the Balrog. Unconsciously, we’re led into a life of further unconsciousness, distracted and hurried and often on auto-pilot. It takes a strong will to snap out of it.

+++++

In addition to paying attention, you also need to see yourself as someone who’s worth paying attention to. As you are right now. You are going to be putting a lot of effort into this project, and you won't be able to sustain it if you feel like some kind of jerk. No, if you want to succeed, you have to get 100% on your own side from the get-go, and the best way I know to do that is this: construct a story about your life that positions you as an imperfect but lovable adventurer — someone you want to root for! — who’s boldly going someplace she hasn’t been before.

Because that is exactly what you are! A beloved heroine in the midst of a rollicking good tale full of scrapes and jokes and lessons learned! So make your story thrilling — make it one you can’t put down, one you can’t help being excited about, one that fills your heart so full you want to throw your head back and ROAR.

I know it seems goofy, but this story you tell yourself is serious business. And it’s precious, because it sets up how you experience everything else in your life.

Like, if you say stuff like “There is something inherently wrong with me and that’s why I can’t have what I want” or “I am but a pawn in the cold dance of chemicals we call life,” well, that shuts things down pretty thoroughly, right? It may be accurate to acknowledge that you have certain disadvantages, or that certain cultural systems are working against you, but you can’t stop there. That place is like a windowless room at the top of a lonely tower. It leaves you absolutely nowhere to go.

+++++

This experimental, experiential attitude is a crucial ingredient in the formula, because you are going to come across a lot of mysteries on your trek, and you’ll need to have a curious mindset to suss them out.  We are talking about weight, after all, and that makes the whole thing extra fraught — in about 30 seconds you can whip yourself into a self-destructive tizzy that can take weeks to recover from. So try your best not to do that. Step lightly. When things don’t work out the way you want them to, be interested in what is actually happening rather than upset about what isn’t. This will help you not fall apart as you discover what combination of stuff works for your particular body.

 +++++
  
You sound like a smart and self-aware person, and you have TONS of tools at your disposal — mind, muscles, emotions, objectivity, intuition, imagination, community. Use them all. Analyze and strategize and optimize to find out what makes your body hum and purr. Get excited to see how the story unfolds. Pay attention. Don’t go to sleep.

Most important, remember to root for your own sweet self as heartily as you ever did for anyone in any book you ever loved. It’s up to you to construct the narrative that explains what the moments of your life add up to … might as well make it the best damn story about a lady realizing her own worth and power that was ever told.

++++++

Brilliant.



3. On the flip side to that rah-rah speech, Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit reminds us: Somedays it is Mundane Day. And those are just as important to slog through as Action Day.

4. Great Logos with Secret Meanings has nothing to do with anything, I just thought it was cool. How did I never see the 31 in the Baskin Robbins logo?

5. Love, love, love, LOVE Ally from Wardrobe Oxygen in this stunning purple dress with the big red necklace. She is the first blogger I have seen do the high-low dress where I see the point of it.

6. Has anyone ever had melon soup? It sounds so weird, but I am in the mood to try something new. But that chunky chicken slaw sounds good too. I like Weight Watcher recipes because they always have such interesting combos; I usually goose up the seasonings because they're too bland, but the basic ideas are often theirs!

7. Speaking of recipes I like, I use my Food Ideas Pinterest board to collect interesting recipes that I want to try. You might recognize a few from Sunday Cooking posts...

8. Ally again, rocking the cutoff shorts. I have a pair of jeans that are too short that I could rip up, hmmm...

9.  Where Did All the Watermelon Seeds Go? A question I have been pondering to myself for a while.

10. My pal Kate from CakeGirl on the Run had a gorgeous cake selected to be in Cake Central Magazine! Go, Kate! I had the privilege of photographing the cake for her entry; she purchased a light box which was my first time using, but I got the hang of it, and it turned out to be a fun shoot.

Go see the rest here!

11. On the Proper Fitting of Jeans. I never understood the purpose of pockets before. And flare!

12. Bare Necessities sells DD+ bras in their own section, and they are having a great sale. I am stocking up NOW. 

 Got any good links you want to share with the class?

Bottom Line Challenge Results

 
(Photos taken at the Jellyfish Exhibit at the Shedd Aquarium this April, by me.)


Yesterday was our weigh-in and measurements for the Bottom Line Challenge.

I recorded 885 minutes of aerobic activity (walking, stairs, more walking, a little dancing around).
My blood pressure went down 4 points.
I lost .6% body fat. 
I lost 6.5 pounds. (I enjoyed my extra-long weekend a little too much, LOL.)
I lost 4.5 inches from my waist, 2.5 inches from my hips, 2 inches from my thighs, 1 inch from my chest.

I wasn't enough to win a t-shirt, but it was enough for me. YES!!!

I came in 3rd on my team for success; Phillip was really motivated and dedicated, and lost 28 pounds, our admin was also fantastic at exercise and lost 11. The other 3 sort of forgot about it mid-challenge. :)

(I am going to do another photo shoot with Phillip at work -- he may let me do a follow-up post on his weight-loss success -- and he proudly informed me that he lost so much the blue sweater is too big on him now. Woohoo!)






Bottom line (ba-dum-bump), I am glad they coerced me into it, petulant attitude and all. As I said to my friends in email, all I really did was get off my dupa a little bit, and ate a whole lot better. And it worked.

I am really glad I didn't take an all-or-nothing approach to the exercise; I was completely daunted by the 30 minutes a day requirement, but instead of just giving up entirely, I did as much as I could. I take the stairs now every day, and it doesn't hurt my knee. I walk further to my car (boy, that asphalt project sure helped!), or I schedule plans on the weekend that involve a lot of walking (Botanic Garden, farmer's market). Like I said in my foodstyle reflections, those little pieces of routine have become habits, and now that it is summer there were will be more walking events (or downtown yoga trips) on the weekends.







My next challenge to myself is to start including more consistent exercise on the weekdays as well. I really, really, really want to swim, and now that my new boss is not a fan of us working so late anymore, I think I might be able to do something after work. Time to start investigating lap times at gyms and pools nearby!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY ME!!!

Foodstyle Reflections

My favorite spot at the Chicago Botanic Garden: the birch trees in the Sensory Garden. There is always a slight breeze making the leaves rustle faintly, and the sun is always dappled on the path. I call it "the place where fairies live."


Back in September 2011, I coined the phrase "foodstyle". At the time I was doing daily tracking of my food, but there was still a lot of restaurant and takeout involved, and of course in short order, the tracking faded away. I went through fits and starts of renewed enthusiasm after that, with lots of talk about eating better but little follow-through. By New Years, I was unwilling to even make any bold resolutions, although I did want the foodstyle to continue. (Plus, my doctor had a come-to-Jesus talk with me in December that still echoes in my head.)

Meanwhile, around the same time I started cooking more on the weekends, posting my results in a haphazard fashion until I launched the Sunday Cooking posts in early January. By the end of March, I realized that it had truly become a habit, and even now when I look through the weekly photos, I can see the food getting healthier with each passing week.

Around the same time I made that realization, I complained bitterly about the Bottom Line Challenge that  I had signed up for with my co-workers. While I was still working on the foodstyle, I wasn't mentally ready for exercise too -- and it showed in my awful, petulant attitude. Eventually I stopped complaining about it, and just tried to do a little bit every day. I went on a few walks over the weekends, but mostly I just walked more in my day; took the stairs at work more often, parked further away at home (mostly because of the parking lot paving project), made myself stretch and move more than I had been. I haven't started anything formal like Curves or swimming, but it's on my radar.

Well, eight weeks have passed and next Wednesday is our weigh-in for the challenge.  I am going to be down around 8 pounds. EIGHT. That means I lost a pound a week. YAY!!!!

Even better, when I lose one more pound I will have accomplished the goal my doctor set in December; she made me commit to losing 9 pounds this year. At the time I thought that was a weird, low number, but now I get why she picked it. 9 pounds just sounds reasonable: a little less than 10, not as daunting as 20. You can, as I am proving to myself right now, lose 9 pounds just by making small, incremental changes. I didn't have to launch a major diet, pay anyone a lot of money, make any massive commitments or drastic sacrifices. I just had to eat better, do it consistently, and get off my dupa once in a while.

It feels like a damned miracle in some ways, but if I really look at it, it's not. I have had all these pieces of weight-loss tools floating around me for a while now, but nothing has gelled together, and I hadn't really tried to make them. Every time I did commit, I would fall off the wagon and go back to crappy stress eating and making excuses.

Things have gelled together, at last. Each little piece that I have tacked on has stuck. The foodstyle get better when I added Sunday Cooking, and Sunday Cooking got better when I added the Bottom Line Challenge. And I got better at all of it as I finally started seeing genuine downward momentum on the scale.

So what are the elements of the foodstyle as of this moment?

1. Prepare food every weekend to feed us through the week.

2. Everything must have veggies somewhere in it, and for casseroles or quiches, at minimum 2/3s of the dish should consist of veggies. Tuna casserole with only peas in it is not okay; spaghetti squash au gratin or lazy galumpke with a bag of shredded cabbage and my homemade sauce is.

3. Food prep should include cutting up fruit for breakfast and lunch, making sure I have other foods for those meals, and having back-up plans in the freezer for when I am "too tired to cook".

4. Don't have junk in the house. For ice cream, we always have those WW English toffee bars in the freezer, and there are granola bars or string cheese if we get the munchies. That's it.

5. I don't track my food in a log, but I keep track as the day goes by in my head. On Wednesday I ended up having salads with chicken for lunch and dinner, and in the early evening I was still unsatisfied. I realized I had not had enough carbs or protein that day, so I toasted a piece of cinnamon bread and put some light cream cheese on it. That was all I needed. Conversely, if I do have toast or a sandwich early in the day, I make sure I have more veggies and proteins at dinner and fewer carbs.

6. Eat seasonally, and as much whole, unprocessed food as possible. Not only is better for me (and better for the world, blah blah granola cakes) but most importantly it tastes better. And when it tastes better naturally, I am less likely to use cream sauces, butter, all the fattening stuff -- or if I do use them, I use the good ones and in moderate amounts.

7. Conversely, if I do want the fattening stuff, I let myself have it, but only if it fits into my day or I know I can get back on track within a meal. I am even getting better at "treating myself" with food when I am stressed. Yesterday, for example, I didn't have much food with me for lunch, so when Phillip was running to CVS to pick up a frozen lunch, I asked him to get me a small bag of pretzels. We were debating options for that kind of snack, and while I was making jokes about wanting chocolate-covered or just a bag of candy, truly what I wanted was something was something that would sustain me, not give me a temporary sugar high.

I ended up forgetting all about the pretzels sitting on my desk, but I did go out to dinner with my husband instead. Because I hadn't indulged earlier, and I knew I would be home today with a house full of good stuff, I had a half-portion of a light pasta dish, and a small portion of a bread pudding and gelato dessert. I enjoyed every bite of it. :) Today the scale was down anyway, and I dove right into a big bowl of strawberries, yogurt and a little granola for breakfast.

8. We have not ordered pizza since April 26. An entire month.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really, I have to stop on that one. Holy crap!


Of course, there is more to do. The exercise piece needs to keep growing, and soon I want to see some of this success in the mirror. I make up a lot of excuses for why I don't post as many outfits anymore, but the truth is I am very unhappy with how I look right now. I just don't feel attractive or fashionable, unless you can call "hiding as much fat as possible" a fashionable style option. But that WILL come, as long as I keep chugging away at the foodstyle. And then you will see my grinning mug on here more often. :)

In the meantime, there will be plenty of pictures of what I am putting into that mug. Or pictures of pretty flowers as the summer unfolds in front of me while I am out walking. :)



(Helen, these are allium, or wild onions. I think you were asking about them in your blog last week. They are in full bloom here now.)

Have a lovely, long, relaxing weekend, everyone. That's what I plan on having too.

Thank you, Mom

Dear Mom,

Thank you for teaching me to work hard, to be proud of myself, and to value education. I've watched you go from beauty queen and the doted-upon baby sister, to an elegant wife and hostess, to a dedicated teacher for those hardest to teach, to a principal and leader who commands and earns respect from all of those around her. You showed me by example that self re-invention is not only possible, but it is the very best way to grow and evolve.





Thank you for teaching me how to throw a great party. To make sure there is plenty of interesting food, to ensure all the small details like napkins and forks are within everyone's grasp without them even noticing, to provide the right kind of space for conversations and interaction. Most of all, thank you for teaching me how to interact at those parties; from you I learned the often-overlooked art of making small talk and making people feel comfortable and welcome. I will never forget driving in the car to Old Lyme every summer for the Yale dining hall party, listening to you quiz Dad on the names of his employees' children and wives. I fondly remember the seemingly-impromptu boat cookouts and vacation dinners, and the days of planning that went into our annual Christmas brunch and all of Yale football tailgate parties. I can't express how much I still miss all of those. I loved your parties so much.


Summer cookout on Block Islands, late 70s


Pina Colada party in Montauk, early 90s


Surprise party for Dad, 2007 or 2008

Thank you for teaching me how to be a loving wife and partner.  I didn't marry a guy like Dad; I modeled my marriage after yours. I watched you stay together and lean on each other through good times and bad, and I found someone I could do the same with. Watching you, I learned that marriage is hard work requiring compromise and patience, and it is well worth the trouble. You also taught me that marriage is private, just between me and my spouse, and everyone else's opinions and thoughts about it don't matter. I don't share it with my girlfriends, my sister, or even you; it's mine and my husband's, and it is the most important relationship I will ever have.







Thank you for teaching me to be a liberal Democrat, proud citizen, and contributing member of society. You were never very religious and neither am I, but because of you I understand right down to my bones that it is our responsibility as Americans to help those who can't help themselves, to feed the hungry, and to care for the ill and elderly. That government is "for the people", and should be used as such; it is there to protect us from corporations' and humanity's own ability to harm each other. Everything I believe about politics, government, and how we should behave toward each other in general, stems from what you taught and showed me.








Thank you for teaching me the value of self-beauty. I rebelled against it and you for many years -- as is a daughter's wont -- but a few years back I finally embraced the concept of fashion and makeup and style, and most of all, your contribution to my own style preferences. I look back at pictures of you from the 70s and 80s and I wish I had paid more attention then; I still remember those cool jungle print hostess pants you had, and the velvet-and-bangled Miss Connecticut gowns we used to sneak into the hall closet to pet softly.





Thank you for teaching me how to be a great storyteller, using humor, timing, and a flair for the dramatic to make my point. I even find myself doing your silly voices or breaking out in song (much to my husband's dismay, LOL). Listening to other people in meetings "um um um" or trail off without finishing their thought, I am grateful every day that you taught me how to express myself in forthright speech and demeanor. Sometimes we're both a little too big for the room, but I wouldn't have us any other way.



Thanks for everything, Mom. I love you.

P. S. Happy Mother's Day. :)

Sunday Cooking: Mission Aborted

Did everyone have a nice Easter/Passover/Spring Weekend Holiday? I was a busy little bee, prepping the kitchen area on Saturday for the painter. I realized that I had let the clutter expand in there and it was going to take two days to get it all done.

This is what I started with.







I had already re-organized most of the cabinets about six months earlier, but there were two left, one under the junk drawer on the outside of the island and one under the sink, where I knew we we were not utilizing the space properly. Once I cleared those out, a good proportion of what was on the counters were going to find new permanent homes.

Under the junk drawer was first. It's where we were keeping our tools, electronics, etc. Lo and behold, we were storing some electronics that we definitely did not need anymore. Check these out!



Anyone need to send a fax? Can't do it here, we don't have a landline anymore!



A real answering machine! I hated the voicemail that came with the phone lines, and stuck with this answering machine right up until the moment I switched to a cell phone. This is the machine the President of Pizza Hut left a message on, thanking us personally for our business. (True story!)



The base for our wireless phone. God only knows where the phone is. Look, caller ID!! It was top of the line, back in the day.



We had this princess phone for emergencies; if the power went out, the wireless phones went dead, but we had this one with its dirty, tortured cord to keep us connected to the world. I think I had this phone in college and in my first couple of apartments, thus the sprung-out cord. I walked all over my place with it in hand, talking to my girlfriends back home. Ah, good times.

Once I cleared those out, re-arranging the rest was a breeze. I next tackled under the sink and threw out bottles of cleaners that we never use (yay, cleaning ladies! All of their products are in the basement). Then I stored most of the remaining counter stuff in the basement temporarily so it wouldn't be in the painter's way. By the end of Saturday, the kitchen looked like this:







Then the painter called on Saturday evening, and cancelled Monday's appointment.

ARGH.

He is rescheduling with my husband for either Friday or the following Monday. If he defers again, I am stepping in.

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What does that have to do with food? Nothing! I just wanted to show you what I did this weekend. :)

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Sunday was Easter, and I had plans for my pal J to come visit during the day so we could watch The Office Christmas special (UK version), and then we were going in the late afternoon to our other friend J's for Easter dinner. I had decided on Saturday (before we got The Call) that since our kitchen would be out of commission for a good part of the week, it was a week for quiche and salad.

While J was here, I roasted cauliflower and garlic for a replay of that amazing mustard quiche, and made a quick broccoli slaw with honey mustard yogurt dressing that I had first seen on Pinterest.

My plan was to pop a couple of quiches in the oven and marinate some chicken breasts for cooking that night. Then we sat down to watch TV and gab. We lost track of time and had to rush to cook up the pierogis to take to my girlfriends. Thus my Sunday Cooking ended up as aborted as my painting did. Whoops!

Luckily, on Monday night, I forced myself to complete the quiches; it occurred to me that the half-hour of work they needed were all that stood between us and a week of takeout. I held strong!

The second quiche was to use up some items in the fridge. I had bought a chicken sausage the week before that I was dying to eat; I had had it long ago at Fredhots as one of their specialty sausages, and the flavors were so rich and amazing I scooped up a package as soon as I saw it at Whole Foods: AmyLu's Cranberry and Cognac Chicken Sausage. We both give this one two-thumbs-up approval, and Hubby doesn't even really like cranberries.

I sliced up some onions on the mandolin and sauteed them in a bit of olive oil. While they were cooking I chopped up two sausages and added them to the pan. Then I dropped a half-bag of frozen cut leaf spinach into the pan, and used kosher salt, cracked pepper, and a bit of Penzey's salt-free Pasta Sprinkle (basil, oregano, thyme) to season it.





Then I poured this into a whole-wheat pie shell and covered it with some fresh grated gruyere cheese and 6 mixed eggs, also seasoned with Pasta Sprinkle. Cook at 350 for 40 minutes, and we were good to go!

I am not gonna lie; I couldn't fit all of it in the pie shell, and while the quiches were in the oven cooking, Hubby and I ate the remaining spinach and sausage chunks with our hands. We might have made happy mouth noises, too; it was just that good. Funny, the quiche turned out fine, but the mixture outside of the quiche was even better. I have two more links (100 calories each!) and extra frozen spinach; I may just make another saute pan of it and have that for dinner this week.

(Don't tell Hubby; I don't want to share it with him. LOL!)

So in the end, I was able to complete the mission even after it got scrubbed. And I am ready for the painter whenever he gets here!

Friday Bouquet

1. Wow, thanks to everyone who chimed in with some awesome righteous indignation on my behalf as well as some excellent ideas to get me to incorporate 30 minutes of daily exercise for the Bottom Line Challenge at work. Lots and lots of good ideas, and you all definitely nudged me out of my foul mood about it.

Especially my sister, who responded with a cheery, "Suck it up, buttercup!" 

Nice, right? ;-D



 2. Since it is going to have to be every day, I think using a flexible combination of exercise types will work best; I can adjust depending on my time and stress levels of the day. Some of the ones I will be doing are:

-Wii yoga in the morning, either 15 or 30 minute increments
-Wii dancing in the morning, either 15 or 30 minute increments
-walking with Hubby in the early evening
-walking on breaks with co-workers
-walking on my own, with my "cans" on and zoning out to my music
-possibly swimming on the weekend mornings. I have to check if the park district pool has morning lap time on the weekends, or I might look into joining another gym with more pools.
-10-minute increments with the weights and heehee the Shakeweight I bought and never used while watching TV
-make sure my membership at the Chicago Botanic Garden is renewed and do some weekend morning walks there. (Where all the photos in this post were taken over the years. You can thank my mom and dad for buying me a membership for Christmas for many years.)

I'll be starting this weekend.



3. Weirdly, the one suggestion that I won't be doing right away is buying new exercise clothes. I have drawers full of them already; buying cute workout clothes has been my usual default preparation step when I think I am going to start working out, and honestly, those drawers of barely-worn clothes have been just another reminder of my repeated failure to actually implement those plans. So I don't really need them, and I don't want them. I don't want to do this the same way I've done it before; clearly that hasn't worked. So I am just jumping in and wearing what I already have. Maybe later as a reward I'll buy something cute. :)



4. I am so, so glad you guys are enjoying the "They Walk Among Us" series. I am absolutely loving it; while everyone is so different, there are certain themes that echo among all of them, and have already taught me a lot about my own journey.

• Losing significant weight stretches out over a long period of time. Patience and persistence over the ups and downs is necessary; just don't give up.
• There isn't one particular diet that works for everyone, and many of them used a variety of them along the way. 
• Eating whole, healthy food is how you take it off and keep it off.
• Exercise in some form is required.

5. I do have several more interviews queued up, but if you are a maintainer and are willing to tell your story, I would love to have you join us! Email me at lowfatdressing1012@gmail.com and I will send you the questions. I hope to hear from you!!



6. This week has been so strange: my husband has been in London for work, I've had a training class onsite for most of the week so there have been new people roaming the office and I've been working late, and of course the weather has been so amazing the windows are wide open at home all day long.  The cats are completely befuddled; all of their routines are disturbed and there is a person missing in the house. They are not pleased.

Hubby comes home this afternoon, and next week will be our first week of having a full staff on my team. I am sure the first few weeks will be just as busy as the last ones, since the two new people need to get up to speed, but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hurray!

Have a lovely weekend, everyone.



1. African Daisies, 2. Purple echinacea, 3. Field in wider perspective, 4. Orange and Purple coneflowers in a field, 5. Gargoyle Fountain, Spring, 6. Irises around the pond, 7. Faces to the sun, 8. A welcoming entrance, 9. Baby Blue Eyes, 10. Inverted Baby Blue Eyes, 11. Like, wow. Totally., 12. Lilies of the Valley, 13. Bleeding Heart, 14. Allium, 15. Colombine, 16. African Daisy

In the Zone

I took this dress to Nordstrom to be altered after my last wearing. It's a fabulous dress, but it was a little too loose around the waist and chest. The tailor kept pulling it in, and I kept telling her I wanted to be able to fit a blouse under it. In the end, she won; when I picked it up a couple of weeks ago, it felt a little too tight, and zipping up under my arm when I was in a blouse was a struggle. I was disappointed, but I didn't want to take it back and have her fix it. I was embarrassed to admit I was too fat for how much she had taken it in.

So it hung in my closet for a bit while I stewed. I finally gave up on the idea of a button-down blouse under it. and wore it again with a layering tee instead. For NOW -- we shall see what the Foodstyle brings in the coming weeks; I may get a button-down under there yet!



I really do love the dress. Next time perhaps I will be brave enough to style it with some color; both times so far have been black-and-white variations. Not that there is anything wrong with that!



The bigger news is, as I have mentioned, the Foodstyle. I am In the Zone, in that moment when dieting/eating right is effortless, your motivation is high, and you're not frantically missing all the "good food" (i.e. junk food) you could be eating. It took me a long while to get here, so I am doing my best to keep myself here. I am eating very well, I'm tracking my foods nightly, I'm getting tons and tons of water in naturally -- my body is craving water so I'm refilling my water bottle at work all day long.

People, I am voluntarily and willingly taking my daily multivitamin. Alert the media!

I'm also not depriving myself; if I want a chocolate covered pretzel, I have one. But I only have one, and I don't let it derail the rest of my day. This change in attitude is the one that most represents being in the zone; when I'm not, that chocolate-covered pretzel is my gateway drug to a whole day of candy-snacking and usually culminates in Taco Bell for dinner. When I am in the zone, the pretzel is a savory treat that I enjoy to its fullest, and then I move on. Yesterday for example, our boss bought us pizza for lunch after our annual gift-wrapping party; I ate two squares of cheese pizza instead of the lunch I had brought, but my afternoon snack of two clementines came from my lunch box, and then I polished off the rest of the lunch (squash soup and a turkey sandwich) when I got home for dinner. It's amazing to realize that; to see in vivid clarity how much power my attitude has over what I eat and therefore what I weigh.

My goal during this month is to keep it going during the holidays, to not use the excuse of traveling or stress or parties to change my attitude. There are plenty of ways to still enjoy myself and yet get 5 fruits and veggies in every day.

Speaking of which:
1. I spotted this recipe for mixing grains with pomegranate seeds over on This Mama Cooks. Doesn't it look and sound amazing? I think I need to make that for next week, right alongside the holiday blossom cookies I will be making for the family Christmas party. Gotta keep that balance going!

2. Is it just me, or are clementines especially tasty right now? I prefer big, thick navel oranges, but they're too tough this early in the season. The clementines are right at their peak -- their more delicate skin tears away easily, and they're so flavorful and soft. Winter citrus is just one of my most favorite things to eat in the world; I still resent the winter I was on Medifast and couldn't have any oranges. Oranges never hurt anyone!

What's your favorite fruit to eat right now?

A shifting of interests

Lately, I am far more interested in what I eat than what I wear.

I did a lot of winter clothes shopping, and I feel like I am set for a while. My closet has been cleaned out, so I can see and be honest about what fits and what I like to wear. I find that I am repeating a lot of the same outfits, which is pretty new for me; since I've had Low Fat Dressing I've been conscious about wearing different combinations, always changing it up in some way. But lately I am okay with wearing the exact same thing I wore a week or two weeks ago; if it worked then, why not let it work again?

This has cut down on my getting-ready time, which I suppose is partly why I have moved toward this; work was so crazed in November I didn't *have* the time to spend coming up with new creative outfits, so I started sticking to the basics, and I found I liked it. So I got lazy about taking my photos; I'm not quite ready to move the whole endeavor back upstairs to the office, but I'm finding it harder to get a picture done in the morning (I am ready to snap at the moment my neighbors are leaving for the day, which is pretty embarrassing) and I feel all frumpy by the end of the day.

But I did promise I would take photos this week, and I have stuck to that!



Hubby took the first one on Tuesday night; I have no idea why he constantly takes blurry pictures. God bless him. I took the Wednesday one myself in the kitchen the next morning. Yeah, I think it's time to head back up to the corner of the office; the light is better and it's faster. Will do that today!

Anyway, I liked Tuesday's outfit with the skinny belt giving that loose cardigan a more professional look. Wednesday's has my favorite yellow sweater from Martin + Osa; it's probably time to retire it, but I just love it and will miss it. :( The pants are Gap straight legs, one in grey and one in black; so comfy and much better than the skinnies! And of course it's winter, so my scarves have come out to play.

This, however, is where my interest lies these days.




The talk my doctor gave me has been pushing me all week. It's time to start eating better, to take all the things I know and like about good nutrition and good food, and putting them to work. I've started taking my lunch to work, and even better, I am tracking my food again. I am still having a big no-WW block in my head, but I created a spreadsheet based off the Core plan, which is the WW plan I always loved the most. It is the most focused on eating whole, fresh foods with the fewest options for mass-prepared foods, which of course falls right in line with my foodstyle and interest in seasonal eating.




The other tab in the spreadsheet has my weight, so I will start tracking that too. No more hiding my head in the sand! This is far and away the most I have ever weighed in my life, and the thought of gaining even more devastates me. I have got to turn the Titanic around, people.

The Sunday cooking project has turned into a regular habit; I now spend the time in the evenings that I used to spend perusing fashion sites and blogs looking at recipes and healthy food sites. I have also started bringing my lunch in again, like I said; this was a big change at the office, but I am making sure that I sit with everyone anyway to eat, so I engage in the social aspect of lunch if not the caloric foodbombs I was indulging in with them every day. Plus, my varied fancy lunchboxes ;-D are quite the hit; I think my co-workers may even like the tall Mr. Bento with its round 4 containers more than the flat colored one in the picture above. :)

Anyway, I started writing this entry on Thursday night, but didn't finish until Sunday morning. Now I am off to start cooking this week's foods and to catch up on outfit posts from the second half of the week. See you again in a bit! ;-D