I Hate My Closet, Part 1

You guys. Have you ever gotten to the point where you despise every piece of clothing in your closet?

I thought so. I am there right now.

This has been a long journey to get here; long-time readers of LFD remember the days when I was quite the shopper, finding deals and great new pieces on a regular basis. Then my weight went up, and up, and up, and up, and my interest in staying current in fashion went down, and down, and down, and down.

It wasn't just the weight gain that killed my interest in shopping and fashion. Another part of it was that I started to realize I had a full closet -- too much closet, really -- and I didn't NEED to buy anymore. If fact, I need to pare it down to the essentials so I could see what I really had. I donated boxes and boxes of clothes, and pretty much stopped buying new clothes. Gwynnie Bee has done an excellent job of keeping my closet fresh and my need for new items fulfilled.

But the last part, the biggest part, was the limited options available for plus-size mature adults with careers in conservative/traditional offices. I've complained before about "fat-girl" necklines, right? It drives me CRAZY -- it is SO HARD to find v-neck or boatneck or collared tops in plus-sizes. All the interesting shaped or print blouses always have this extra-wide round neckline that both goes too deep/wide and shows off too much skin at the chest, and weirdly sits too far back on the neck and shows off a lot of shoulder/back. Fat-girl neck leaves a huge circle of skin showing, and it does not look professional at all. Additionally, usually it is also a loose blouse so it shifts around if you have to, say, wear a name badge clipped to your neckline, or carry a purse on your shoulder. I am forever triple-checking to make sure my bra strap isn't showing (and it often is, dammit).

Examples of fat-girl necklines:

See what I mean? That's not a vee or a scoop or even a boatneck neckline. It's just...there.

My joke whenever I see a fat-girl neckline: "Hey, my HEAD is a normal size. I don't need extra room to get the shirt over it."

The other problem is that finding a fitted top is nearly impossible. I look at the other plus-size women where I work, and we all have the same uniform: billowy blouse that ends past our hips, thus hiding any type of curve or shape we might have, and making us look bigger than we are. Or worse, the dreaded cascading cardigan which pretty much does the same thing. Everything is draped around us, like tenting on a wedding table. Like so:

You wouldn't know cascading/boyfriend cardigans went out of vogue a few seasons ago from looking at any plus-size department. It's all about hiding our shape -- which is actually MORE unflattering than wearing something too tight, in my opinion.

On the internet, if you want plus-size fitted, the only option I see are dresses. Gwynnie Bee has a weekly Members Post of their clients in mostly dresses, and it is all the same va-va-va-voom look; the girls all look lovely and shapely, but they are ALL in their 20s/30s, and none of it would be appropriate for a conservative office. On a personal note, dresses are no longer an option for me since my feet require orthopedic shoes now. I'm still struggling to find a pair I can wear with dresses -- heck, I still need a dressy pair to go with slacks. (That's another post for another day.)

So. I've been trapped in fashion-less hell -- black slacks, black sneakers (kill me now), billowy top or a long cardigan to hide under. On the most depressing days, it is the ubiquitous black cascading cardigan along with the black pants and shoes. I can't tell you how many plus-sized co-workers I have who wear the same thing -- and in some cases it's the same black cascading cardigan every single day. At my peak, I owned three myself.

And I get why; it's not about low self-esteem or not feeling like you are worth spending money on. I have spent a damn lot of money, and a damned lot of time shopping online and in person. But finding flattering, work-appropriate clothes in a size higher than XXL is a Herculean task, and after a while, you just get too discouraged to keep trying. So you stick with your limited choices, and you focus on other things.

Things I did while not giving a crap about my outfits:
-Enjoyed the freedom in the morning from having to try on multiple outfits, and spent it cuddling with my puppy instead.
-Replenished my makeup supply, and finally learned how to use primer and tinted moisturizer to even out my skin tone.
-Spent 6 months in physical therapy healing my fallen arches, and learned to love my sneakers.
-Played a lot of internet games. A LOT.
-Had occasional flashes of Fun Clothes when a good piece from Gwynnie Bee arrived. But most of their stuff has been filler for under the cardigan, which was okay by me.


Eventually, though, all that black was just too much, and it was time to do something about it. But that's for Part 2. ;-D

How I killed my impulse shopping habit

A remarkable thing has happened to me the last few months: after five years of impulse shopping, spending hundreds of dollars and hours at the mall or in online stores every month, I finally broke myself of the habit.

When I say I shopped, I mean I really shopped. I thought nothing of going up to the outlet mall for the day, one weekend a month, and coming home with multiple bags. I had a routine online, where I would hit 3-4 of my favorite stores, fill up the shopping carts, then as the best sale email popped up for each I would hit Checkout. Of course, I also ended up returning a lot, but that just gave me another excuse to go to the store.

Even if I wasn't buying, I was always shopping.

I could give you tons of excuses for it -- I had significant weight losses and gains, I discovered fashion very late in life, I got wrapped up in following and being a fashion blogger and trying to keep my closet fresh -- but all of those are just excuses. The truth is I liked having new clothes, and lots of them.

Killing that habit has been a 4-step process.

1. I read Overdressed: the Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion. My reader Roberta recommended it months ago, and I have been recommending it to all my fashion-minded friends both on and offline ever since. The book does a tremendous job detailing the impact our shopping habits have had on our style, our economy, our charities, the international economy, the workers, and then environment. The chapter on what really happens to most of the clothes we donate was enough for me to re-evaluate what the hell I was doing.



2. I cleaned out my closet. And by closet I mean I cleaned out everything, right down to every obscure corner where I was essentially "hiding" clothes: in drawers, on hangers, under the bed, in bureaus in the hall, in closets in the office, in many, many places in the basement. I had an unnecessary amount of clothes, so much so it was preventing my ability to SEE what I had. I have always used my outfits as a creative outlet, mixing together colors, patterns and just the right accessories to finish it off. Now I can do that much more easily because everything is right in front of me every day, and I don't feel like I am "missing" things for outfits...which of course means I don't need to shop as much.




3. I began tracking my purchases and edits on a monthly basis. I did one final massive drop-off at the donation center when I cleaned out my closet, but that is the last time I intend to do that. The quantity of what I gave away was ridiculous, and not in a good way. That said, things do need to get culled regularly, and it's equally important that I track my purchases. It helps me see my buying patterns, and more than that it helps me see when I am buying things that don't make it more than a month or two. I already have a few items I bought in September and October that I want to get rid of already; I need to get smarter about that.

Once those pieces were in place, that solved many of the utilitarian, practical problems that impulse shopping had created. But what the first three steps didn't give me was the excitement and fun that I got with new clothes: that first thrill of trying on a new piece and see how it flatters me, the creative buzz as I figure out what I can pair it with in new outfits, the compliments I got from other fashion-minded friends.

That only came with the last step of the process.



4. I joined Gwynnie Bee. I've talked about my love for this company many times in the past, but they've earned it. I love everything about them: the website is easy to navigate, the photos of the clothes are flattering and often show the same item on different models so you can see differences in fit and drape on various body types, and adding items to your "closet" is a snap. They've improved their shipping times since I started in September, and will be improving them again once they move to a new distribution center. But for now you can indicate on the website when you are shipping something back, and they will send your next piece out sooner.

Best of all, I get all of the fun of new purchases without having to buy anything. The white box arrives every couple of days, and inside is a lovely piece gently folded and wrapped in tissue. Sometimes I don't check the website before so it's a surprise when I open the box, other times I take a peek so I can start planning how I will fit it into my closet before it gets here. Once I've tried it on and determined it is the right size (which I am getting better at ordering now that I am more familiar with some of their brands) the creativity starts as I dream up new outfits for it. And if the item didn't fit, I fold it immediately into the return bag, go to the website that evening to note I am shipping it back and wave it goodbye, just like I would do with any returns from my impulse shopping days.

Some of the pieces I have gotten lately (more are here):



(My hair was still soaking wet so I just did a quick half self-portrait.) This Rafaella long sweater was unexpected and fun; the cowl was a knit weave, but the sweater was more like a terry sweatshirt. It felt great and perfect for a chilly winter day.



This Edista top is still one of my favorites, ever.





Like I said, I didn't a good picture of myself in this Eloquii sequin jacket, but it was a really flattering fit and good quality.





This Karen Kane orange drape neck top proved to add a nice punch of color to a couple of business meeting outfits.





This brown animal print jacket is hard to photograph so you can see all the detailing, but it has great quilted ruching on the side so it is not nearly as boxy as the top photo suggests. I really liked the orange with it; the brown and black have a dusty, muted tone to them so it's difficult to find the right blouse for the jacket.



I got in one more wear of the orange top in a casual outfit, with a long chunky grey sweater, silver circle pendant from LOFT Outlet, faded Kut from the Kloth boyfriend jeans, and my faux-moto Clarks boots.



I showed off this JonesNY snakeprint cardigan in my Color Project: White post, but it also got a few more wears with other colors for some work outfits too.



The all-black palette brought out more of the baseball jacket look of the sweater, I thought. And hey Mom -- that's the badge pendant necklace from Brighton that you got for me! :)



Last outfit was with my own red Lane Bryant drape top -- which you will see again as part of the Color Project: Red round-up. :)

Gwynnie Bee approached me last week to become an affiliate, and I very happily said yes. Long-time blog readers will know that I don't really do blog sponsorships; I get email inquiries occasionally asking me to review products, but nothing has ever interested me the way Gwynnie Bee has. So I guess this is my first official blog entry that will need a disclaimer!

If you are interested in signing up for Gwynnie Bee, click this link to join. Joining is free -- it lets you look around the site and view some of the clothes they offer. If you decide to subscribe to the 1, 2, or 3 plan, they are currently offering a 30-day free trial, and after that they will charge your credit card for whichever monthly rate you choose. Here comes the disclaimer part: as an affiliate, I will get a free month myself if you follow the link to join and end up as a paying subscriber.

I am going to be blunt here: if you are a plus-sized woman who likes clothes, you are foolish not to try this out. I've been a big girl all my adult life, and I have never, EVER had a site where I could see -- and more importantly, get to feel and wear -- so many different brands and styles together in one place. It's like a whole mall, just for us!

They have TONS of dressy outfits too; my plan when I have a nice party to go to is to rearrange the closet and hold sections so I will get sent a good assortment of dresses and sparkly tops and jackets to try and to borrow for the occasion. I can't even think of another site where that is possible for someone my size.

When I eventually start to lose weight again, I suspect they are going to be a godsend for that as well; I will just order smaller sizes as I move down the scale, thus rotating through a new wardrobe without having to buy a whole new wardrobe.

Most of all,  Gwynnie Bee makes me feel PRETTY, and WELCOMED, and VALUED, as a woman and as a customer. I never feel left out because I want to wear something that isn't offered in my size (thanks a lot, Banana and Gap), I don't feel pushed aside and sent to the Misses section behind the luggage on a different floor than everyone else (hello, Macys) and the online photos they choose are pretty and flattering and don't make their models look like squat dwarves in highwaters (that's you, Nordstrom). I do shop at all the stores I just complained about, of course, but it's always while feeling like a little bit *less* than their preferred customer. Gwynnie Bee never makes me feel like that.

Seriously, give them a try. They were definitely the final piece I needed in place to kill my impulse shopping habit. :)

Now, don't get me wrong: I still love shopping! In fact, my next post will be about Stuff I Want. But the need to do it as often as I used to, or at the same volume of purchases, that's dead and gone. I don't miss it.

If only it were this easy to give up some of my other bad habits! :)

Blogging Time-Out: Over!

Hello! I am back.

Thank you for your patience and your sweet notes checking in on me. When I started my hiatus I only expected to be gone a week or so, but then other things in my life start piling up and making everything that much worse, and I just couldn't think of anything to say on Ye Olde Blogge, so I stayed away until things started to improve again.

But this has pretty much been my mood all month.



Shamelessly stolen from my buddy Helen, who is going through her own winter doldrum period. (Hang in there, sweetie!) In a weird way, this cartoon helped nudged me out of my mood; I'd been procrastinating, just pushing things off for "just one day" while I was hanging in limbo waiting for resolution for various things, and every day feeling guiltier for not posting and getting back in the swing of it. The cartoon was like a period at the end of a run-on sentence; a hard-stop declaration that I was at the end and I just did not want to run on anymore. It allowed me to forgive myself, weirdly enough, and then to just take a week and lie facedown on the floor, then get going again in a forward direction.

So here I am, moving forward.

How shall I do that? By showing you photos of my time away! ;-D

I have been taking tons of photos, and am even back in the rhythm of daily outfit photos; I convinced Hubby to move some things in his office so I could get my old corner area back for shooting, and there I have been taking a 4-set every day.



I liked the pairing of the hunter green tee and the turquoise necklace. The contrast complemented each other well.

The timing of moving the tripod upstairs could not have been better, by the way, since we had major seepage in the basement for about a week. The condo guys finally came yesterday to cut into the drywall and find the cracks in the foundation, which unfortunately they could not find. So we have moved the carpet and the drywall aside and are waiting for our most recent snowfall to melt so they can find the leak. Oh joy!



We had to rip out half the padding in the room with the last seepage a few years ago, and the carpet will have to be replaced once the leak is found. We got it all dry without any mold, but the water stains are just too big and ugly to ignore. And carpet is a must; look at that God-awful linoleum underneath!



They covered up the bottom hole with the drywall pieces, and are keeping it secure with a piece of Hubby's fishing stuff; apparently it's very easy for a little nosy cat (like our own curious George) to crawl in there and get stuck behind the walls somewhere. Yikes!

But it hasn't all been gloom and destruction! I've had tons of time with my friends, wandering through Ikea with Babyfriend and then last weekend playing with Legos with her and having our minifigs talk to each other for about a half-hour (heh). Plus hanging out with Babyfriend's Mom and with Jessie, also always highlights of those visits. My buddy Phillip left the company so we had a nice dinner out to celebrate that. Shopping Friend is getting married in May so we did a foursome dinner this week to talk over shower stuff and just re-connect and have some laughs. AND I had dinner with my local YouLookFab buddies Laura and Marianna where we chatted about blogging and writing and shopping and all the fun stuff of life. :)






YouLookFab forever!







Man, I miss that guy. He is even more of a ham than I am!
(From an earlier night out.)



Speaking of someone who makes me laugh, Hubby has turned to money laundering. ("Money dyeing" might be the better term.)





But his black jeans are looking good, so that's all that matters in the end. Hee!

I have more posts to come. And yes, Lorena, I have my edits from January. :)

Yay! It feels good to be back. 

Oven-dried Tomatoes, Frog Jam, and assorted Bentos

Rose Rounds asked how I made the oven-roasted tomatoes. I found the idea on The Local Beet, one of my favorite localvore blogs. They used juliet tomatoes, which are long like Romas but smaller in size. I couldn't find any of those, and the Roma's were too expensive. Tony's had a sale on "cocktail" for 79 cents a package, so I grabbed one of those to experiment with.



Local Beet said to set the temperature to 200 degrees, then stick them in for 8-12 hours, unattended. The problem was I took that "unattended" thing too literally, and I let them stay in the whole 12 hours. (In my defense, I was out for the afternoon during the key end time, so I didn't check on them at all.)

They ended up way too dry. A few crumbled to powder in my hand.



So I was out 79 cents. Lesson learned!

The next batch I used the cherry tomatoes from my Dad's garden. I really did not want to ruin these, and they were even smaller than the cocktails, so at about the 6 hour mark I checked on them. They had shrunken quite a bit, but all of them still had pockets of moisture on their bottoms. Every hour after that I checked again. At hour 8, many of the smaller tomatoes were ready (dried but still soft and chewy looking), so I pulled those out and let the rest keep drying. An hour later, they were all done.



Looking forward to using them in frittatas, salads, and maybe a sauce. 

Another lovely treat I've been enjoying this summer has been frog jam.

Yes, you read that right.



I picked up a jar in New Buffalo this summer, and I am IN LOVE. Way better than plum butter, and even the blackberry jam I got at the farmer's market earlier in the summer.

It isn't made of frogs, thank goodness. But can you guess the ingredients?



Figs - raspberries - orange peel - ginger. F-R-O-G, teehee.

It is F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C. It's raspberry, but with richer, sharper notes from the figs and ginger, and a nice burst from the orange peel at the end. I am definitely going to be looking for this again next year. (Or my next visit to the New Buffalo area.)

Despite all the lovely food photos I have taken this summer, I actually haven't been that good at maintaining the foodstyle; I've skipped more than a couple of Sunday Cooking sessions, especially as the summer waned, and I was pretty bad about bringing in lunches on a daily basis. That said, when I did do it, I ate really well. My goal this fall is just to do it more often.


PB&frog jam sandwich, yogurt, blackberries, and Mom's bread and butter pickles. Easiest lunch ever!


Drier's ham salad sandwich, deviled egg salad, black bean and corn salad, blacberries, and a handful of snack mix. This was leftovers from the vacation. :)


Kale frittata, blue cheese coleslaw, yogurt and watermelon.


One of my favorite grilled meals of the summer: portabello swiss sausages, pineapple, and onions. We ate this and our turkey-bacon wrapped chicken thighs most often on the grill this year.


Pretty table set during my parent's visit. Hmm, maybe we should eat at the table more this fall...

What was your favorite foodstuff this summer?

Internet Magpie: LowFatDressing edition

Things around the web that made me want to link and babble on.

1. Jif Natural peanut butter in to-go packets. Peanut butter is a food I will eat the entire contents of, no matter the size of the container. If it's a big jar, I will eat a big jar; if it's a small jar, I will eat that. (My husband has the same thing with chips.) It killed me to pay more for the packaging for these, but it works. I eat an entire to-go cup, and then stop.

It's not a stingy "100-calorie" cup, either; it's a good amount that leaves me satisfied, so I'm not digging through the cabinet to have a second one, (and a third and a fourth...). Just one is enough to make two PB&Js!

2. The Hairpin posted an amazing entry: Be Less Crazy About Weight. Some excerpts:

Our entire culture is freaking right the fuck out, in fact. An epidemic of stories about the obesity epidemic! Cookie Monster rapping about vegetables! Fat cats and skinny dogs, lying down together! The message is Way Too Many People Weigh Way Too Much And That’s A Problem. But I’m not sure that’s accurate. I think it’s more a symptom of what happens when a couple of powerful forces come together.

First, the world is currently overflowing with more mind-bendingly salty sweet awesome disgusting food than has ever been witnessed before in human history. This food we have is positively diabolical in its deliciousness! Engineered to be extra irresistible! Of course it is hard to resist! We are not used to it!

Second, the way we live leaves us feeling thin and stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. In between work and laundry and trying to have some fun, we barely have time to sleep, let alone confront the Balrog. Unconsciously, we’re led into a life of further unconsciousness, distracted and hurried and often on auto-pilot. It takes a strong will to snap out of it.

+++++

In addition to paying attention, you also need to see yourself as someone who’s worth paying attention to. As you are right now. You are going to be putting a lot of effort into this project, and you won't be able to sustain it if you feel like some kind of jerk. No, if you want to succeed, you have to get 100% on your own side from the get-go, and the best way I know to do that is this: construct a story about your life that positions you as an imperfect but lovable adventurer — someone you want to root for! — who’s boldly going someplace she hasn’t been before.

Because that is exactly what you are! A beloved heroine in the midst of a rollicking good tale full of scrapes and jokes and lessons learned! So make your story thrilling — make it one you can’t put down, one you can’t help being excited about, one that fills your heart so full you want to throw your head back and ROAR.

I know it seems goofy, but this story you tell yourself is serious business. And it’s precious, because it sets up how you experience everything else in your life.

Like, if you say stuff like “There is something inherently wrong with me and that’s why I can’t have what I want” or “I am but a pawn in the cold dance of chemicals we call life,” well, that shuts things down pretty thoroughly, right? It may be accurate to acknowledge that you have certain disadvantages, or that certain cultural systems are working against you, but you can’t stop there. That place is like a windowless room at the top of a lonely tower. It leaves you absolutely nowhere to go.

+++++

This experimental, experiential attitude is a crucial ingredient in the formula, because you are going to come across a lot of mysteries on your trek, and you’ll need to have a curious mindset to suss them out.  We are talking about weight, after all, and that makes the whole thing extra fraught — in about 30 seconds you can whip yourself into a self-destructive tizzy that can take weeks to recover from. So try your best not to do that. Step lightly. When things don’t work out the way you want them to, be interested in what is actually happening rather than upset about what isn’t. This will help you not fall apart as you discover what combination of stuff works for your particular body.

 +++++
  
You sound like a smart and self-aware person, and you have TONS of tools at your disposal — mind, muscles, emotions, objectivity, intuition, imagination, community. Use them all. Analyze and strategize and optimize to find out what makes your body hum and purr. Get excited to see how the story unfolds. Pay attention. Don’t go to sleep.

Most important, remember to root for your own sweet self as heartily as you ever did for anyone in any book you ever loved. It’s up to you to construct the narrative that explains what the moments of your life add up to … might as well make it the best damn story about a lady realizing her own worth and power that was ever told.

++++++

Brilliant.



3. On the flip side to that rah-rah speech, Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit reminds us: Somedays it is Mundane Day. And those are just as important to slog through as Action Day.

4. Great Logos with Secret Meanings has nothing to do with anything, I just thought it was cool. How did I never see the 31 in the Baskin Robbins logo?

5. Love, love, love, LOVE Ally from Wardrobe Oxygen in this stunning purple dress with the big red necklace. She is the first blogger I have seen do the high-low dress where I see the point of it.

6. Has anyone ever had melon soup? It sounds so weird, but I am in the mood to try something new. But that chunky chicken slaw sounds good too. I like Weight Watcher recipes because they always have such interesting combos; I usually goose up the seasonings because they're too bland, but the basic ideas are often theirs!

7. Speaking of recipes I like, I use my Food Ideas Pinterest board to collect interesting recipes that I want to try. You might recognize a few from Sunday Cooking posts...

8. Ally again, rocking the cutoff shorts. I have a pair of jeans that are too short that I could rip up, hmmm...

9.  Where Did All the Watermelon Seeds Go? A question I have been pondering to myself for a while.

10. My pal Kate from CakeGirl on the Run had a gorgeous cake selected to be in Cake Central Magazine! Go, Kate! I had the privilege of photographing the cake for her entry; she purchased a light box which was my first time using, but I got the hang of it, and it turned out to be a fun shoot.

Go see the rest here!

11. On the Proper Fitting of Jeans. I never understood the purpose of pockets before. And flare!

12. Bare Necessities sells DD+ bras in their own section, and they are having a great sale. I am stocking up NOW. 

 Got any good links you want to share with the class?