I have been up and down the scale over the years, and I guarantee you this: if you are really, really not able to find anything in your closet that you like, if everything you put on makes you think terrible thoughts about yourself and disparage yourself in awful ways, then you probably need to look at your clothing size honestly and go up one.
Last summer was probably the worst I have ever felt about myself and my weight, and it started to permeate all the parts of my life. My unhappiness was poisoning me. Finally I went up a size, looked at myself again in clothes that fit my body, and suddenly I didn't look as awful as I thought I looked. I'm not the weight I want to be, but I like how I look again -- I like ME again -- and that makes all the difference in the world.
Just my experience! Good luck, and be kind to yourself.
Since I've had this blog, I've lost 60 pounds, and I've gained it all back. I'm not where I want to be, but I like how I look -- again. I skimmed through my archives just now to find a link to an outfit that was ill-fitting from the summer, and all the unhappiness and discomfort came flying right back to me as I looked at all of those pictures of me on my sunny patio. This was probably the worst of them, but all of those dresses were not fitting right all through July. It wasn't until I made the switch to pants in early September that I started to feel right again, when I bit the bullet and started buying tops and pants that fit my actual body, not the one I wanted to be.
I've just gone through a similar rejuvenation again; I had pants and sweaters that fit, but all my cold-weather layering tops and blouses were too snug. So every day this last month was a struggle to get dressed; my option were either something tight or too low at the chest (hello, that's not the manufacturer's fault, that means it doesn't fit), or too sheer or light for the freezing temps. The retail therapy of the last few weeks has re-energized my closet and has made me enjoy the way I look in my outfits again. Because THEY FIT.
I don't want them to fit forever; eventually I will be back into the boxes and cedar closets of my smaller clothes in the basement. But that's the long-term goal. The short-term goal is to like myself every day, to accept and appreciate the good parts of me. There are too many other stressors in my life right now to let a negative self-image get piled on top of those and just make everything even worse. I am who I am, and while I am capable of great change, I also need to accept who I am when I am stagnant too.
If that means a XL shirt so I don't cry in front of the mirror, so be it. It's not the end of the world, you know?
Have any of you ever experienced a similar revelation? How did you handle it?
Good points. I have put on 10 pounds since I was at my low weight in summer of '09. Some of the clothes that I bought then were 10s. Everything I've bought lately has been a 12. Honestly, I can't tell that much difference in how I look, and things fitting makes me feel fab.
ReplyDeleteI understand the blogger you speak of. And I understand completely not liking what I see in the mirror. Unfortunately, when I try on a size larger, in my own home of course, I still don't like what I see. I have spent a lifetime not liking the way I look. And I have had occasional bouts of actually hating myself. But I have found that my body's looks, my fashion, my make-up, and not as important as my acceptance of myself as I am right now, fat and all. My body is truly where I live. And while I do want to have some style and attract at least my partner, the more I hate myself the more I repel others. So right now I am working on self-acceptance. And I will say, it's hard. But I really believe it is needed. At least in my case.
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastic post. I am so glad that I found your blog during the 30 for 30. You look fantastic!
ReplyDeleteIt is tough to buy clothes that actually fit the body you have if you are constantly thinking that you are going to lost the weight. I've fallen into this trap many times. You are right, I do feel a lot better when I get something that fits even if its not the size that I think it should be.
I hope the person who your comment was directed to felt the compassion and support because I certainly did. Thank you.
This is so true, Kristen! It took me a long time into my weight gain/loss/gain/loss, etc. journey to finally realize that size really is just a number, and that I should wear things that look good NOW, rather than things that I wish I could fit into and make me feel awful. I think state of mind is so important.
ReplyDeleteYes, the best thing that I have done is to bring awareness to my eating... doesn't happen overnight but it happens with intent and by and by I discovered that I was not happy in my job. Since, I have applied for others and am in the process of changing the situation I am not doing the binge eating that I was doing.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, I recently joined a women's only gym (close to home) - found a great deal$ and have been enjoying making new friends and being in this environment. I bought a few simple outfits of all black exercise wear (nike dri fit), good shoes and minimal makeup and that keeps things simple. I take the classes that are generally really fun and provide great workouts.
Overall, taking time to explore it -it took 8 mos to figure it out. Actively doing something about the unwanted pounds has helped me. And, accepting if it is not changing it is because it needs more time or if I don't put in effort, I DON'T want to change and that is ok, too.
Simply put, you are AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteMy husband taped a show for me on BBC America last week. It was called Super Skinny Me. The premise was that two size 12 UK women tried to crash diet in 5 weeks to fit into a size 00. They had no body issues at the beginning of the experiment and were happy where they were with their appearance. Both were at the “normal” range for their BMI.
ReplyDeleteBy the end, they were a wreck, emotionally and physically. Both lost about 14 pounds, despite horrible diets of drinking or eating nothing but juice, shakes or carrots. One had actually started down the path to bulimia. One of the women actually made it to a 00 – which equates to about the size of a 6-year old girl’s jeans. Amazingly enough, this still left her in her BMI “healthy” range, despite the fact that she hated how she looked and could not wait to regain weight. Also, despite the fact that at age 29, she could share clothing with a 6-year old!
My goodness, no wonder we all have issues. A 29-year old woman eating healthy and exercising appropriately who can fit in size 00 jeans is good. A woman living on watercress soup is not.
It spurred a long conversation with my husband about weight, health, my emotional state with my weight, etc. I lost 75 pounds since 2007, but have regained 14 since July – a combination of a two week vacation in August, a month battling walking pneumonia (well enough to work, but not work out) and the holidays. It’s had me depressed and beating myself up. I gain every winter, but usually 5 pounds, not 14!!! However, here is the weird thing - my clothes fit exactly the same with 14 pounds gained. Amazing – I know! I tried on items I wore on vacation and all of them zip, button, etc., without issue. Without the scale, I would not have any idea I had gained weight. I’d be really happy and proud of myself for “maintaining my weight” based solely upon my clothing fit.
I’m not sure I will ever conquer my weight-body image issues. However, I am trying to stop beating myself up, when I know I am doing the right things and taking care of myself.
whew - long post. Sorry!
Hi there. I am a size 12/14 and have been for nearly all of my adult life. My advice is to stop dieting...just stop. The toll it takes on your heart (physical and metaphorical), your body, your skin, your relationships isn't worth it. I have a friend with my exact same body type, curvy 12/14...which she deemed "way too big" and declared her need to diet. She has been a 10, then a 16, then an 18, then dieted back down to a 12, then back to 16, and now back to 18. She's angry, frustrated, can't wear half the clothes in her closet and her health has taken a turn for the worse. And please note...where did she wind up? Yes, that's TWO sizes bigger than when she started, and that is not uncommon. She refuses to buy clothes in a size 18, so she's squeezing into smaller stuff and feels miserable. Don't do this to yourself....I hate watching her do it. I feel (in her case anyway) that she just can't accept being a little larger...if she does, then she's "giving up" on the "ideal" size 6 figure. Maybe so, but what is she getting in return? Just some thoughts to ponder. Let me leave you with this...ladies, be nice to yourself, whatever size you are. If you're currently bigger due to illness, having a baby, etc, and you feel confident that you will get back down to your usual size eventually, then great...store your smaller stuff, but go out and buy some clothes! The odds of you feeling good and tackling life in such a way that will bring you back to a healthier weight will not happen if you look/feel like crap every day. Much love to all.....
ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not, I learned this lesson the hard way from a TEENAGER working in a clothing store. I was going away to a family and I was miserable because I'd put on weight. I decided to go out and buy at least a couple outfits that fit. This was back when 'skorts' were all the rage and I found one that I loved. I started hopefully with a 12. It was too snug. So I frustatedly got the 14 - STILL too small. There was no way in hell that I was going to buy a 16. So I put it back on the rack. The teenager had been watching me the whole while and she said, "The skort didn't work for you?" I said, "I love it but I'm not willing to try on the next size, which would be a 16!" She replied, "Why not? Especially if you love it. Always buy what fits and look your best. If the size on the tag is bothering you, cut it out." I bought that skort, cut out the tag, got a bunch of compliments on it and I've never ever forgotten her advice. So now, even if I don't like the size, I buy what fits and inevitably that will be the outfit that people remark on.
ReplyDeleteI learned this lesson when I was a size 14 (but I was really a 16 or 18). It was only when I finally felt good about myself when I looked in a mirror - no matter what my size was - that I was able to deal with the crap in my head. And that lead me to changing my perspective on food, and allowed me to finally lose the weight in a healthy way, and keep it off.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post, Kristin. I'm glad you said that to that blogger.
Great words of wisdom! Oh, that we all would arrive at this conclusion! This is an issue I have struggled with most of my adult life, and have to remind myself with each fluctuation of my weight that it's more important to wear what fits than the number on the tag. After all, who sees that tag but me? And if I don't like the number, I can simply cut it off! I've discovered that when I wear what fits and looks good, it makes me feel better about myself, which in turn helps me make better choices in food and exercise. So...wear that next size up - it might actually help you get down a size!
ReplyDelete