Black ruffled dress, Loft
Gray boyfriend cardigan, Martin + Osa
silver skinny belt, Ann Taylor Outlet
plaid oxford booties, I forgot
I had on a white belt at first, and I liked the crispness of the colors between the black and the gray. But a white belt before Memorial Day felt wrong. Even just a belt! It's probably impossibly old-fashioned to worry about that, but I did so I went with silver. I kind of wish I had gone with white.
++++++
I spent a large chunk of this weekend catching up with childhood friends on Facebook, and sorting out a ton of old photos. (Part of the Going Paperless New Years' Resolution, woohoo!) I may have to post a few here; the fashion faux-pas, and bad hair eras, are pretty amusing.
I also spent some time looking through another online journal that I have been keeping for the last eight years, and I stumbled across an entry I wrote in 2007. If you think you can't change, that you're too old and set in your ways, that you can't start over and reinvent yourself, that you'll never quite get where you want to go, read this. I wrote this *before* any of my metamorphosis had begun.
I don't know why all I think and talk about is shopping these days. I think working at F&T is rubbing off on me, and not in ways I'm entirely comfortable with. I've managed to go my whole life pretty much avoiding the whole fashion/girly-girl part of life, mostly out of defiance of my mother but also because I didn't know anyone who was into it so I had no idea what to do. I stopped reading fashion mags as a pre-teen, and I created a "style" that worked for me that I've stayed consistently in since high school. Sure, I've watched What Not To Wear and incorporated a lot of their advice into how I dress, but worrying about having the right bag or the right shoes for the season? Never been my thing. Heck, I barely even carried a purse for years.
But now I'm finding that I am thinking/caring about these things, and I'm trying to do it right. And it bothers me, but really, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as I think it should. I've been taking some long hard looks in the mirror, and I'm realizing I can't quite coast on that "I'm young and I have boobs and a big laugh and I can get away with no makeup and a t-shirt and jeans and still feel attractive" thing that I have been for so long. Age is taking its toll, and I don't like what I see when I do that now; I don't feel like I look youthful and defiant and carefree, I feel like I look dowdy and old and stuck. But when I put on makeup and a pretty shirt and some cute shoes, I get that carefree confident feeling back. This is astonishing to me!
But it's scary, because seriously I don't know what I'm doing. I have no idea how to put on makeup, I wouldn't know a cute shoe if it poked me in the eye, and I instinctively think a new style of blouse is ugly until everyone at the store starts cooing at it and trying it on. I'm listening, though, and trying new things. And it's fun when I get it right and someone compliments me on my purse or my coat. I feel like I solved some secret mystery everyone knows the answer to except me.
Of course, it's also making me acknowledge all of this would be so much easier if I got off my duff and started losing weight again, but weirdly, I'm not being mean to myself about it. I don't feel like I'm some awful troll who should stay under the bridge, I just know that I could find more clothes if I was one or two sizes smaller. I'm thinking about it more logically than emotionally, I guess, and I'm happy for that. It's really hard for me to listen to my friends and my co-workers put themselves down all the time, insulting their physical appearances with some really cruel self-inflicted barbs (YES, I am talking to you! You guys do it all the time! And you shouldn't because you are great and are much more attractive than you give yourselves credit for), and I don't like doing it to myself either. So I've been making an effort to frame those thoughts in less insulting terms. I'm not worthless and gross if I'm overweight, but it limits me in ways that frustrate me. So it's time to change that.
And change I did. I'm still changing it, and I still work on framing negative self-talk into positive actions, but I have come a long, long way. So don't ever think you won't too. Just keep going.
Really inspiring. I loved reading this. It's very encouraging to know that you were positive, you stuck to your guns, and that the rewards have been worth all the trouble. I'm finding myself in a similar situation. Lots of positive things have been happening since I started being positive about my looks instead of so negative. :)
ReplyDeleteKristin, it took me a while to read it and I'm glad I read until the end. I'm sure you were always beautiful, but currently you're one of the most stylish ladies I know. (And the competition is fierce, LOL!) I'm so glad you stick to it. So inspiring.
ReplyDeleteAs for your outfit, white belt looks great. We chose a similar belt today. I'm sure silver worked as well.
Great post. Yes, you teach an old dog new tricks. Thank goodness.
ReplyDeleteOver the past year I have lost almost 80 lbs and you are teaching me how to change my old jeans and t-shirt routine.
Thank you!
Love your entry -- and that was only two short years ago! Look how far you've come. Keeping a journal is such a worthwhile exercise, for many many reasons, and this is one of them. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteWhat an inspiring entry to read. And I love the silver belt!
ReplyDeleteThat's the best post ever. Thanks a lot. It was inspiring.
ReplyDeleteWow I love the last paragraph... gives me a feeling of great hope!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this, it was interesting; especially to find you weren't always in to creating your outfits.
ReplyDeleteExcuse the dumb question, but is there a specific site that you like for a private blog or journal? Or maybe this one was also public. Thank you. Chrissy
Thank you for sharing. It is inspiring.
ReplyDeletechellebrate
That was really cool! How fun to have that to go back and read. How true too that we can totally change. I mean come on, look at what you said about cute shoes! You certainly know your way around them now!
ReplyDeleteIt's always so encouraging to look back and see how far we've come. Thank you for sharing this with us.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, that is awesome that you were not only able to recognize some of the ways that you wanted to change, but you actually worked your butt off to do it. So few people even take that first step.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to your pre-metamorphosis musings on so many levels. For years I thought that worrying about my appearance or clothes, or putting effort or money into them, made me unintelligent or shallow or selfish. Heck, I *still* struggle with wanting to feel like a smart, professional woman but also knowing that I *am* interested in aesthetics and improving my style and appearance.
Just keep going, indeed.
(You are so lovely.)
What a great post - I love the fact that you DID make the changes and really seem so happy with who you are now. I made a major life change when I was 40, and another one when I was 45...now I'm wondering what I will do for 50 (luckily that's a few years away!).
ReplyDeleteI loved your post and the fact that you are living evidence that you can change. It is very inspiring. It also keeps you alert, in motion and motivated.
ReplyDeletePersonally love the look you are sporting here.... too bad to went with the silver.... white put you out there.