This was an attempt on our back porch on Monday (the only sunny day last week). I attached the gorillapod to a planter hook. Unfortunately it's too far away, and the angles of the sun and shadows of the fence between the patios makes this not a good option.
But it was a cute outfit! Purple-brown patterned Kohls dress, brown camisole, and nude Clark Laguna Reef wedge sandals. If only weather like this had lasted the rest of the week!
I tried again on Wednesday on my front porch. We share the space with our neighbors so I had to be quick. This time I tried wrapping the gorillapod on the light sconce between our doors. Much, much, MUCH too high. LOL!
The outfit was great, though; black-and-white striped cascading cardigan from WHBM, cream scoopneck sweater (from my sister's stash), new multi-metal necklace from Charming Charlie's, black Gap skinny pants, and grey-black Kohls flats with floral tips.
After that, I gave up for the week. Because then the second problem (besides terrible photography skills) came into play: I don't like how I look right now. What looks fine in the mirror looks lumpy, ill-fitting, too tight, too short or just gaudy in the camera lens. My face is too red because I am out of breath, and my chins are multiplying exponentially. And it's been that way for a while. I've just been ignoring it, and blaming the lack of time for proper posing for daily photos.
But the truth is, I spend just as much time on photos now as I did ten, twenty, forty, sixty pounds ago. It's not the cameras. It's me.
Which brings me back to this entry's title. It's from a scene in Friends, when everyone sees Monica in the home movies from her teenage years when she was fat. She tries to handwave it away saying, "Everyone knows the camera adds ten pounds." Chandler's reply is, "How many cameras were ON you?"
There's just one camera on me. The other pounds are not an optical illusion. They are mine. And they are mine to get rid of.
So that's what I am doing. I'm on my second week of WW again; the first week was a disaster but I am persevering and am determined to figure out this new points system. I don't mind learning how to recalculate favorite foods, but I am struggling to figure out how many points on average I should be having at each meal. I want lunch to be the biggest meal of the day, so how many points should it be? I get 33 a day. Is 15 too much? Too little? What about breakfast? I used to have 3-5 points, but that doesn't feel like enough. I need protein in the morning or I am starving all day. I can't find much on the WW site about breaking down points per meal; I think I will have to brave the dreaded boards and ask someone. (The people on WW boards are CRAZY. I know, I have spent plenty of time there during my crazy periods too.)
I am also taking up exercise again, one day at a time. Right now it's just walking; my body is so out of shape I don't want to push it too hard. My knees and lower back are so weak from all the sitting I do, so the first order of business is to just get moving. I went walking on Saturday and Sunday for an hour each, and I am feeling it in my feet. The worst thing I can do is try to jump right into Couch-to-5K or join the gym, etc, because I know I will overdo it then not want to exercise at all. So tomorrow I think I am breaking out the Wii for some morning yoga, and as the weather gets nicer there will be more walks after work. With my camera, at the Botanic Garden. Oh yeah.
Finally, as much as it is bugging the crap out of me, I am going to keep taking outfit photos. I'm not going to make excuses for crappy pictures anymore, but I am going to find a new spot that I like. I am undergoing some style changes -- also thanks to my trip home two weeks ago -- and I want to record that evolution. I don't like being down on myself, as you guys know; I think our self-esteem is something we need to bolster and protect as much as we can. Posting pictures I hate of myself day after day goes against that belief.
Instead of giving up posting, I am going to change the way I look IN the photos. That's the best thing I can do for myself, for many reasons. I want to be able to look at the photo below and believe the message.
I want you all to look at that photo, and believe the message. Because you are.
Please don't be so hard on yourself, Kristen, you really look lovely in both of these photos and everything else I see you in. We all have similar insecurities. I usually feel great in dresses but don't post many photos of me during the week in my too tight jeans and shorts and wonder sometimes how I can leave the house looking like I do. I agree, the camera seems to bring out every bulge, wrinkle, and gray hair I have, and it doesn't help that I obsess over dozens of style blogs of women much younger and thinnner than I am, but I guess I hope that I'm just keeping it real and trying to remember that whatever I'm looking like now is still better than how I was dressing a few years ago.
ReplyDeleteKristin, I am 54 years old, and looking at old photos of me holding our 1st son when he was 6 wks old, my husband said, you "were" pretty then. Why didn't he tell me that then? Now, at my age I finally feel like I am pretty and it has nothing to do with what people think. Yes, I have gained a lot of weight and have grey roots, but I know and love myself and I AM PRETTY.
ReplyDeleteI recognize so much in your post, Kristen. I agree, it's time for change when there is enough that keeps you from being truly content with what you see when you look in the mirror, camera lens or uploaded pictures. I'm with you on this. It will be exciting and interesting to see where we both end up in a few months.
ReplyDeleteP.S. That was a funny quote from Friends - they nailed it, unfortunately!
When I was doing WW recently, I saved the majority of my points for the evening, because I knew how much I liked to graze at night, and dinner would be the biggest meal, point-wise, of my day. My dinners would be anywhere from 12-15 points (total daily allotment was 29), so that doesn't seem off-base for your lunch, considering it will be your biggest meal. Does that make me sound like a crazy WW person? Hehee.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. I'm excited for you! Best of luck!
I think you lookd great, especially in that first picture, but I definitely understand. I think I have around 13 points for lunch, plus a 2 point mid-afternoon snack, so 15 sounds about right. Good luck with WW and gradual exercise! Walking everyday is a great start. And if you ever want a walking buddy, the Botanical Gardens are on the way home from my office and I drive on Wednesdays, so I'd love to join you sometime!
ReplyDeleteChins "multiplying exponentially." That's certainly not true but I love your expressions. I like the pictures you take right in the house. The lighting is consistent, your cat is frequently making a cameo appearance, and the background doesn't distract. Walking is my source of exercise too. I'm doing about 30-35 minutes in the morning. So many people do well on WW!
ReplyDeleteI think I'm at the same place you are, Kristin. I can and WILL do better than this! I know you have what it takes to meet your goal successfully, too. And you are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteDon't be so hard on yourself! The dress is very flattering on you, and so is the cardigan.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to lose weight, I'm sure you can accomplish that. However - you are beautiful already. Don't put yourself down!
Hey, I think you generally look good in these photos and not like your clothes are pinching you in bad ways. Especially the red dress, it looks really flattering!
ReplyDeleteRe: getting bad photos when the mirror says otherwise, I notice that you tend to tuck in your chin down and to the left a little bit, in a lot of your photos. Lift your head up and try to keep it straight and not tilty. I used to tilt my head in photos a lot and I have to focus to make myself not do it. Play around with lengthening your neck and lifting your chin (just a little) and see what happens!
& definitely keep posting. I miss seeing you in my Bloglovin' feed.
Page 60 in your Getting Started booklet has a chart of suggested breakdowns for points per meal, but you need to experiment a little to get what feels right for you.
ReplyDeleteI like a big breakfast (8 pts), a small snack (2 pts), a light lunch (5 pts), a big dinner 8-13 pts, and then my late snack is determined by how much is left (plus any activity pts/allowance pts I want to use).
Email me anytime you have questions about the new program, hon. :) My email's in my profile.
The best angle for the face is the camera about hip height, and you look down at it - this will create a strong jaw line. I always make sure my shoulders are really back too, and that I'm angled towards the camera.
And don't forget you can crop shots that are too far away! :)
I think you are amazing, anyway, Kristen. :)
Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI like brick walls as a background. Can you get turned so you're against a solid wall, or have a window with a neutral background as a "mat" for you with the brick wall as a "frame?"
That said, if you are feeling very red in the face I'm not sure all the light from a red brick wall is going to make you look less red. Perhaps a green/yellow background will downplay your coloring better.
I think a little struggle with WW might be a good thing. We all know about "easy come easy go."
Good for you for getting started! It's the perfect season with all the fruits and veggies coming into season. Will we be seeing some Bento lunches! I love those!
ReplyDeleteYou may not like the way that your clothes fit, but you are beautiful too!
Kristen, every time I look at you I envy your gorgeous eyes, sleek hair (mine is a shrub) and elegant hands. It's the truth that for whatever feature we wish we could lop off, someone else is admiring the feature they wish they had.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion for the photos is to pull your shoulders down. You're hunching a bit. Maybe you could try seated pics? Sheila's have been inspiring. You have great legs and that pose would show them off. I really hope this all sounded complimentary - I really mean it that way!
Umpteen years ago when I was a WW leader I used to tell people to try breaking up their points so that around half of their points were used for their largest meal then split the remainder between the other meals and snacks. You could start that way and then reshuffle as necessary. Something to try at least.
ReplyDeleteThis post has to have struck a chord with many Kristen. Even though we are often our own worst enemies and critics when it comes to things like this, the unfortunate truth (for me) is that the camera will not lie, no matter how few or many are pointed in my direction.
I like your first picture, it just needs to be cropped and enlarged. Here's some tips (hopefully helpful) that I think might help w/your pictures. 1st - like you've done in your first photo, put at least 1 hand on your waist. It draws the eye there, to the smallest part. (Note: NOT your hip, but your waist) 2nd - I have to respectfully disagree w/Sheila - the camera positioned below your face will most-likely not flatter. When I've done this, I look down which pronounces my double chin. Either position the camera straight on, or slightly higher. 3rd - Partly agreeing w/Roberta - pull your shoulders back, stand tall. I wouldn't sit, it pushes everything to the center and shortens the body. (I've tried it, it wasn't good.) Another thing that I like to do, is sort-of pigeon-toe my feet. It sounds awkward, but I think it looks pretty good. I've been taking pics of myself for quite some time and these are some things I've figured out through trial and error.
ReplyDeleteKeep on working the WW program...it is a good one (some diet programs are crazy and some are so bad that they can land you in the hospital). Get a pedometer (and wear it) and make walking goals for yourself. A little further each day...even 1 more step is improvement. It worked for me and it can work for you. Don't hide from the scales or the pictures...they are both a tool to let you know how you are doing.
ReplyDeleteBe patient and good to yourself.
Mis (an old WW chick)
PS: You might want to attend a meeting. Show them that you are an on-line member and most leaders will allow you to go thru the orientation...help you figure out the points.